yikes.. dropped below 100.

saw this on someone's profile.. hehe check it out: http://www.cripplingdepression.com/comic.php?id=80

how's my application process...

*shelley falls onto her bed, lies on her stomach*

five minutes later...

*flip*

*stares at ceiling*

hahaha... i don't know why i all of sudden remembered this. but on tuesday during gov, when mr. eldridge passed out the white house packets, i looked at it and exclaimed, "ah! so many words!!" and he stopped walking, looked back at me incredulously, and said, "'so many words?!' i'm a little worried about your being in an ap class if you think it's so many words!" hehehhe.. eldridge is so funny.

stuck in my head...

It just takes a little bit of this
A little bit of that
It started with a kiss
Now we're up to bat
A little bit of laughs
A little bit of pain
I'm telling you, my babe
It's all in the game of love
You roll me
Control me
Console me
Please hold me
You guide me
Divide me
Into what...

*proudly* i feel like i have achieved a whole new level...! ooh this is so exciting!!

Where Did Your Soul Originate?
brought to you by Quizilla
"You come from the Future. Your soul came from a different time, far in the future. You're just a little bit a head of everyone else and you're constantly wondering what lies ahead."

this thanksgiving is.. different. it's the last one before a long while that i can spend with my mom, because she might not be here anymore after i go to college. if i decide to stay here, that means i would only fly back to taiwan for maybe xmas, but not thanksgiving.. so.. heh. it's strange. i dunno how to explain it.

made a big fuss out of not being able to find my transcript today. funny how when you're under stress, the littlest things can tick you off.

"just a day.. just an ordinary day.. just trying to get by..."

the dizzy spells came back... :(

i don't have my ELC number!!!! >_<

so today when i got bored with math hw, instead of staring blankly at the wall in front of my desk, i decided to make an "early bird xmas wish list." if you read my last entry, i am VERY much in the "holiday spirit" now, thanks to the last CYS rehearsal.. -__-;; i decided to post it up here, and no no not becuz i'm a spoiled brat wishing for a long list of things :D but becuz.. well like i explained to my mom, you don't want money to go to waste on something you don't like... see? i think everyone should do this. and also becuz by posting it on my blog, the list is automatically formatted into pretty blue schemes. hehe. anyway here goes:

Shellie's "early bird" Xmas Wish List
- a nice belt
- that newsies hat (in denim)
- a watch that doesn't detach from itself
- scarf (crazy stripes!!) ^_^
- Barnes & Noble gift certificates (i spend way too much money there)
- See's candy ONLY MOCHA!
- earrings maybe
- CD's (which one..?)
- CAMERA! not digital, but one you can take panaramic w/
- gift certificates in general (haha don't you wish they made those for Collegeboard? that way, you can save so much money on SAT reports! and the people who give it to you can attach a lil card saying, "good luck on your college applications!" hahaha i come up w/ the best business ideas :)
- new Jansport backpack in baby blue (i'm tired of carrying everything on one shoulder)
- new cell phone or cell cover
- i need white Etnies-like shoes...
- Abercrombie button-down pull-over sweater that i was too stingy to buy last time
- TI-89 (i'm getting really annoyed with my TI 83)
- a picture of yourself (i wanna collect more pictures of my friends! ^_^)

ladeeda.. there. haha i sound very greedy don't i? *devilish giggle* but hey, this is only xmas list draft number 1! haha j/k j/k.. ok.. i should go to sleep now. i fell asleep in 3 our of 5 classes today! >_<

CYS was interesting today.. FIRST, i finally got to meet my look-alike from associate orchestra! at the first regular rehearsal of this year, mr. eylar asked me if i had any siblings in associate. i said, "no, why?" and he told me about a girl who looks EXACTLY like me in the french horn section.. so i vowed to check it out, becuz these things have happened in the past and they NEVER look like me. so today, i arrived 10 min. before the associate rehearsal ended (surprisingly early for me), and i took a good look at that girl. and i gasped. she really DID look a lot like me! well, me in glasses.. she didn't know i was looking at her, so i was kinda being stalker-ish. i told someone how weird it was to look at someone who looked exactly like me. and they said, "ever looked in a mirror?" >_< grr..

we started playing xmas music.. it's bad for me, becuz the moment i started playing the sleigh bells, i had a sudden urge to go xmas shopping. and all of a sudden i felt like it was already xmas. a very weird experience. but the atmosphere became all.. jolly and.. giddy all of a sudden. interesting how much music can influence you. but i must not spend any money until.. well, not now.

if i had to be a pea, i'd like to be a green wrinkled one. ^_^

i've been hearing lots and lots about many ppl's parents being very very worried, even paranoid, about their kids' college stuff.. and the annoyance from their kids! it just seems funny becuz one night during dinner, i suddenly had a thought. i asked my mom, "do you know which colleges i'm applying to?" and, in her asian accent, said, "ah.. CO-LAM-BEE-YA.. HA-FORD.. umm.. MIT?" "no! i'm not applying to MIT!" i said. and her explanation for this complete lack of knowledge about my college choices was that, if she didn't know anything about it, i'd be forced to learn it myself. and that way she'd never have to bug me about things like colleges! to this, i shake my head and have invisible sweatdrops down the side of my head...

hours later.. and i'm still thinking about memento.. (don't keep on reading if you haven't watched the movie yet)

what did he mean when he told me to watch memento and "i can't trust him because of his picture?"

agh! i wanna watch that movie AGAIN! charlton, christina, and alex all thought that his wife WAS a diabetic, but that would mean that teddy WASN"T telling lies, that he was indeed who he said he was, and that Leonard was Sammy Jenkins after all, with the diabetic wife that he killed. then he made up the story of how his wife got raped and murdered by a John G. and went on looking for the murderer, making up things to believe in order to have a life and a purpose. but who knows if teddy was telling the truth? although that last scene where he said "you can be my John G." and then copied down his license plate made us believe that teddy wasn't the one who murdered Leonard's wife. see, in the beginning we were all fooled into thinking that this was just a plain detective story, told backwards in chronology. we also thought natalie helped leonard. but if what teddy said was true, then it ISN"T a plain detective story, more like A Beautiful Mind, where the character makes up everything in his life and basically lives in his own fantasy. but how can you believe a guy who might have faked being a cop and manipulated Leonard because of his "condition" into killing some guy and stealing all his money?

the people who used Leonard's condition to control him were scary. that part where Natalie was finally revealed as a backstabber, after she got beaten up by Leonard and he was trying furiously to find a pen and write down what happened, but failed. she had said to him, " we could still be friends... maybe even lovers." that made me shudder but also reminded me of some things. humans are very funny people. even though we don't have leonard's condition, we can sometimes easily forget the things people have said to us in the past and then remain friends, or even lovers. it's a sort of virtue, perhaps? or else we'd all be calculating each other's faults. forgive and forget. at least we don't have "freaky tattoos" all over our bodies reminding us each morning of who we must take revenge on. that must be very very tiring. if i were him, i'd probably never wake up.

there were some plot holes... like, if he can't create new memories and could only remember the things that happened before the incident, then how does he remember to check all the notes he has? or even to remember to take notes? he has so many pockets in his jacket, but there is no way he can remember which pocket is for what. and the various facts tattooed on his body. if you woke up one day not knowing where you are and why you're there, would you look at the tattoo that tells you to murder some guy and follow all of the facts also tattooed on your body? every morning?

"i can't remember to forget you..." interesting quote. wonder what happens after he killed teddy. if he goes back to natalie and becomes her tool for killing people, that would be very very sad.. but would he go back? or would he completely lose meaning in his life? or would he keep on hunting for another John G. like teddy said he would?

*exasperated sigh*

there. new counter. (the old one kept count but became invisible..)

wahhhhhhhhhh!!!!

stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid

You are Zhang Ziyi.
you're free and wild. you like to have fun, whether it's flying in the air,
picking fights, pretending to be a guy, or kicking ass. you like to do it all. you also have an evil side which some
ppl dislike. the only thing you've been really wanting to do is to shut chris tucker's annoying ass up!
as he would say it, "you are one crazy bitch!"

so today i came up with a shellie-term. "academic bulimia." it's where the student engages in "binge studying," meaning studying intensively over hours on end a certain night. then they go through a period of laziness and procrastination, where they wait again until there's a certain test or paper due the next day and binge studies again.

i, unfortunately, am a member of the ABA, the academically bulimic anonymous. hehe.. and hmm.. tomorrow is our math test. yikes..?

watched gilmore girls AND half an hour of smallville today. ah, the advantages to not having band practice. everything reminds me of everything! i never got to find out what happened at the end of smallville though.. that evil guy who kills the teacher becuz his 4.0 was gonna get ruined was kinda scary.. *shudder*

not much has been going on.. no one updates their blogs anymore!! *sad*

currently developing my theory of "the sullied one." updates soon, under ideal conditions.

what happened to my counter?! i need to get it back up again.. it's still counting, but it became invisible or something..!

shelley is centrally located
shelley is shocked by phone sex
shelley is dead
shelley is a modest but necessary attempt to assure a healthy classroom environment for california's school children
shelley is a registered trademark of linotype
shelley is an internet addicted physiology student who lives in new zealand with her boyfriend and three cats
shelley is available for your edutainment
shelley is approximately 3536
shelley is fully grown at about 1 year old
shelley is resting comfortably and the doctors are pleased with the results of the transplant
shelley is in love with death
shelley is indicating the struggle that exists between the control of the imagination and the control of the will over the body's actions
shelley is seriously for sale for 100
shelley is not ready to do that yet
shelley is a badass shah
shelley is the best choice
shelley is the 2
shelley is friendly
shelley is born

shelley is


www.googlism.com

STUPID.

I am Carbuncle! Rather than attacking, I help protect party members from taking damage. What Final Fantasy summon are you?
Click here to find out!
This test created by Cp's Coo Coo Planet

heh..heh.. credit card bill came today.. it was NOT good. i'm turning into an Emma!!!! then i made a promise to myself that i won't buy anything else for the remainder of this month. hah! like that's really gonna happen.. SADIES is coming up. dances are expensive! then there's all these SAT reports to be sent.. blah! and..and.. i still gotta eat, right? and there's also gas.. i REALLY need to wash my car.. speaking of which, xmas is coming up. oh my.. >_< *frowns and shakes head*

got a busy busy weekend ahead of me!! tomorrow afternoon will be devoted to sadies pj-shopping, then football game. saturday would be the lincoln band review (at least we don't have to get up THAT early this time..) then sunday is CYS concert day (oh boy, lifting timpani cases).. and finally the thanksgiving feast. so i dunno when i'm gonna have time to prep for four tests and an essay. oh and uc apps. blah! to seniors who are reading this, do you feel my pain?! whoever said JUNIOR year was the hardest.. grRR!

back to math.. i'm *almost* caught up..?

band was interesting today.. our last rehearsal..

i looked at my vibraphone, and thought about the countless times i had to haul it back and forth between the band room and the field.. all the runs and pedaling i've had to do on this instrument.. the pedal that always fell off and dragged on the ground.. the motor belt that evan used to manually turn so the vibe can produce vibrato sounds... the string that broke during a competition and had to be replaced... looked at my mallets and thought about how tommy was always complaining that he couldn't hear me because the mallets were too soft.. thought back to the days when the vibraphone player wasn't me.. when he used to strike so hard with the mallets that a whole layer of the yarn tore off..

thought about how it all got started... our little tiny practice room where a few of us would all squish in and practice there.. jaclyn's puffy hair and braces and bellset. daniel's "kick ho!" along with the motion of him kicking pam. me and thomas getting locked in the practice room by the rest of pit.. losing an early percussion director's vibe mallets.. mr. gomez's threat: "if you don't have the closer down perfectly by thursday, you're getting an F!!!!" my initial fear and then lack of appreciation for the song duelin xylos...

i looked at the muddy field today.. the field that i've stood on for how many football games? how many rehearsals? how many run-throughs? how many push-ups were done on this field.. haha.. how many pictures this field has been included in.. how many thousands of feet have marched on this grass.. how many times anxious pit crew members have set up on this field at the beginning of their show?

makes me wonder.. who will be performing on *my* vibraphone next? what hands will be holding *my* mallets? who will be watching..? am i ready to let it all go yet? i guess i have to, huh? after all, i've hogged my little area of the spotlight for four years now.. time to leave? time to move on? is there something better? haha.. *melodramatically* oh! the great unknown! what paths lie ahead of me!?

that's it. ta-da.

i guess it's back to just me and my mom again.. and back to.....?

still catching up on madame bovary.. came upon an interesting passage..

"But how could she break free? Though she felt humiliated by the base quality of such happiness, she clung to it out of habit or depravity. Each day she clung more desperately to it, thus destroying all happiness by demanding too much of it."

*in a contemplative mood*

if i learned anything today, it's that i care about what other people think WAY too much. how can you be a free and independent person if you are caught up in other people's perception of you? i've been so dependent on other people... i haven't realized it until now, but maybe sometimes, on those rare occasions, i'm better off just listening to myself.

caught the second half of top gun today on TV while eating dinner... and drooled over tom cruise in his pilot jacket. ahh... what caught my attention was that car chase, when the lady w/ the ramen-like hair chased after him and told him about his flight performance and then, "i think i've fallen for you." and he grabs her and kisses her. :D and oh oh! that song that song! the famous "take my breath away.."

Watching every motion
In this foolish lover's game
Haunted by the notion
Somewhere there's a love in flames
Turning and returning
To some secret place inside
Watching in slow motion
As you turn my way and say

Take my breath away
Take my breath away

ahh... :D *dances and whirls away*

What Element Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

hmmm... it's so strange! in the past few weeks or so, i've changed so much i don't even know if i'm the same person anymore. maybe i've just had enough of it all. hah, i dunno.. gotta catch up on math, that's for sure... haven't done any math hw for 2 weeks now... christina asked me today, "you didn't do bio.. you haven't been doing math.. you didn't read madame bovary.. what have you been DOING shellie?!" ahhh... *shrug* i dunno... i feel like giving up. i'm almost touching the finish line and i'm giving up. why should i excel? i can't answer that question anymore..

we were talking about how humid it is in gov today. i love it when it's humid!! it makes my skin all soft becuz the air is like a natural moisturizer or something.. especially my cheeks!! my own hand happened to brush against my cheek today and i was like whoa!! hehe they're so.. soft and smooth and.. bouncy! >_^

i wanna go shopping...

today is my mommy's birthday! i surprised her at her office today and brought her a single rose. then i treated her to lunch. *shhh* don't tell her this, but i got her a really warm scarf from express (which was a bit expensive, i must admit) and a necklace. the necklace had a silver butterfly with lil diamonds (not real, of course) on each of its wings and a short lil silver chain hanging from it, with another tiny diamond attached. and i wrapped it all very nicely!! actually i didn't wrap, cuz i dont' like wrapping. but for the express box, they ran out of the tops, so i got two bottom parts of the box, which made it entirely black. i tied a silver ribbon around it and tucked in two pink hawaiian flowers on the box. they really stood out against the black background! hehehehe... the rose is already in a vase in front of her desk in the office...

i love my mommy. ^_^

i finally broke down in front of my mom today. she asked me, "is it really worth it?"

i nodded.

i'm touched. thanks.

it's almost become an escape from reality... like brandy... i forget about my troubles and all my worries and just indulge in that single moment, where i can pretend my world doesn't even exist.. it numbs me and allows me to let go of everything.. no inhibitions.. at that single moment, nothing else exists except for it and myself.

p.s. no, i'm not addicted to drugs.

wow.. i don't think i've ever shed tears of joy.. until tonight!

all the signs were there - the smiles on every percussionists' faces when we finished the show.. the congratulating handshake.. josh's wide grin.. when they got to the percussion awards, class B, i got soooo nervous. third place wasn't us. second place wasn't us. i was too afraid to say anything in case i'd jinx it or something.. but my heart was beating soo fast i thought i was gonna DIE. and then he said, "first place, with a score of 92 (?) .... CUPERTINO!" i think i was the first person to jump up and shriek. and then i couldn't control it, but i just started crying and crying cuz i started thinking about all the times i forced myself to get out of bed to go to practice and all the times i came home from band stressing out about a test or something due the next day... and after all that, we get a first place trophy. i'm so happy!! i don't think i've been so happy since that time i got my SAT II scores back. ah... i love our drummers! and i love pit! yay!!!!

*satisfied grin*