just finished watching good will hunting AGAIN.. something popped out at me this time..

* * * *
Will: You know, this girl's like f*cking perfect right now. I don't want to ruin that.

Sean: Maybe you're perfect right now. Maybe you don't want to ruin that. Well, I think that's a super philosophy, Will. That way you can go through your entire life without ever having to really know anybody. My wife used to far when she was nervous. She had all sorts of wonderful little idiosyncrasies. It's wonderful stuff, you know? Little things like that. Ah, but those are the things I miss the most. The little idiosyncrasies that only I knew about. That's what made her my wife. Oh, and she had the goods on me too. She knew all my little peccadillos. People call these things imperfections. But they're not. That's the good stuff. And then we get to choose who we let into our weird little worlds. You're not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense. This girl you met, she isn't perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other. That's the whole deal. That's what intimacy is all about. Now, you can know everything in the world, sport, but the only way you're finding out that one is by giving it a shot.

* * * *
hmm... so i guess you were right. intimacy, eh?

yay! the clock is fixed. thanks dennis. even though you won't read this cuz you're anti-blog.

apparently the reason my clock isn't working is becuz:

dorkus denkc: you're a dynamic drive girl.
dorkus denkc: AHHHHHHHHHH
dorkus denkc: EVIL
dorkus denkc: EVIL
dorkus denkc: EVIL

so if you've talked to me recently, you would know that i'm on a Project Gain Weight. so i figured, what could be better than those wonderful little oreo cookies that are 75 calories each?

so as i was eating those cookies, i realized i also have milk! and i thought, wonderful! milk and cookies, i'd be like santa claus or something! then as i was eating cookies and drinking milk, i remembered all those got milk commercials where they dip the cookie into the milk and it's supposed to make it even better. being the young adventurer i am, i dipped my oreo cookie into the milk. and i must say, contrary to popular belief, it does NOT make the cookie OR the milk taste better!! in fact, the little cookie crumbs "contaminate" the milk, and the cookie gets all cold and wet. it just doesn't make sense. if anyone really thinks it tastes better, no offense, but it's probably just psychological. where did they get the idea in the first place? why would you want to mix the two? if you really wanted to have cookies and milk in your mouth simultaneously, couldn't you just take a big bite of the cookie and a gulp of the milk immediately afterwards? isn't that much more EFFICIENT? :-/ hmm.. americans..

wonderful wonderful college apps... -__-;;

got most of common app done, in the process of doing columbia... chrissy, are we sharing textboxes for the upenn app? or anyone? hmm... remind me.

realized my incredibly short essay is actually 495 words, and they said to use 200-500 words! strange. so it's not so short after all.

miss you
aaliyah

It's been too long and I'm lost without you
What am I gonna do
Said I been needin' you
I'm wantin' you
Wonderin' if you're the same
and who's been with you
Is your heart still mine
I want to cry sometimes
I miss you

Off to college
Yes you ran away
Straight from high school
You up and left me
We were close friends
Awesome lovers
Did everything for one another
Now you're gone
And I'm lost without you here now
But I know I gotta live and make it somehow

Come back to me
Can you hear me (callin')
Hear me (callin' for you)
For you

Now I'm sittin' here
Thinkin' 'bout you
And the days we used to share
It's drivin' me crazy
I don't know what to do
I'm just wonderin' if you still care
I don't want to let you know
That it's killin' me
I know you got another life
You got to concentrate
Baby

Come back to me
Can you hear me (callin')
Hear me (callin' for you)
For you

aiyo is my counter FINALLY going to work yet?!

WOW if the sun didn't come out today, i wouldn't have known, becuz i slept from 2 AM till 5 PM, and by that time it was already dark. i love all this sleep that i've been getting lately! my mom said, "whoa your skin looks a lot better now, must be all that sleep you've been getting." :D *shelley is gleeful*

xmas has been pretty cool this year, even though it's just me and my mom. and lassie. and our fireplace. wow i did NOT know starting a fire could be so difficult. why can't fireplaces be like bunsen burners?! :-/ after dinner, we drove around the neighborhood to look at everyone's xmas lights. this year's xmas was pretty minimal for us, but how many more of this kind of xmas can i have? peaceful and quiet christmases.. wonder where i'll be at this time next year. hmm...

i've always felt like i'm a lil more conservative and old-fashioned than most... so i'm listening to songs like "work it" and "girl talk" and even though those are great songs to dance around to, i just can't stand listening closely to the actual words. what is the world coming to?! times have changed. *shakes head* oh my, teenagers nowadays....

What fairy tale cliche are you?
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oh my gosh. i just went to charlton's page and clicked on "amy" and saw this blog that looks almost exactly like mine. then i got curious and started clicking on names on amy's blog. i'm starting to believe that theory where you can have an identical twin in an alternative universe. a twin with some slight variations but if one day you meet face to face with that twin in the other universe you'd faint cuz you'd realize how strangely un-unique you are. except they'd probably have a weird way of suriving in their universe cuz it'd be raining donuts or something (one of my favorite simpsons episodes, ignore if you don't know what i'm talking about).

WOW. so there ARE ppl out there who are very much like me. that i haven't met. and now i have more reason to believe in that theory where everyone in the world is socially connected in at most 6 degrees. that means you know someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows you. in charlton's case, i know charlton, who knows amy, who knows diana, who knows tracy, who knows daphne and shamala!! fascinating. just fascinating.

What kind of fairy are you?
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You like ot be alone and see everything around you. u like to do things alone. your a fall fairy but fall is a very pretty and soft time of year


What's Your Personality Type?
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hmm.. i was very close to giving this blog up. i don't know why.. after the stanford thing, i didn't know WHAT to say to mr. blogger, and then i just kept on ignoring him, what with the lit essay and bio and gov and everything.. so i guess getting rejected by stanford wasn't a life-changing experience, but.. hmm. i don't know. if you really want to know what i think about this whole stanford business, ask me in person. sorry mr. blogger. ^^;;

well it's finally break. but that doesn't mean much because that just means more catching up on math hw and reading bio chapters and of course, doing my wonderful 8 college apps. oh wait now it's 7. i really think i would consider the claremont colleges... after all, it's in LA! haha.. LA was really nice..

i've been thinking about "him" again a lot lately.. i wonder why. maybe because of rejection? i need an ego boost? haha they should offer that in jamba juice.. free ego boost with any smoothie! anyway.. i wonder what's been happening in his life lately. hehe whether or not he finally got a girlfriend for realz.. maybe i should call him and just say hello, but of course, me being me, i'm scared... :( although i think it'd be really interesting to just maybe sit in a coffee shop with him and just TALK.. about life, about what's been happening, about what's been troubling our minds, and reminisce. yes, reminisce. that'd be nice. it'd be a welcome change. because of him, when i get rose grams, i always open the card twice. you know how they fold it in half and then in half again? haha.. yeah, i always open it all the way up.. kinda ocd but hey ;-)

so formal was interesting without a date. i think that without a date, i'm more free to do whatever i want and go wherever i want, but it's a bit lonely too. like when they play a slow song, you either sit there or you dance in a big group, which is kinda funny. but angela's dress kept slipping! oh my gosh when i got home and took off the dress, i was like *whew* finally! and i wore my big sweater and pj pants and felt all comfy and happy. now i know why ricky doesn't like dressing up. haha and then i took out the pins in my hair and went *whew* again.. and after i took off all that make-up (there wasn't a lot to start with but i hate make up anyway) i went *whew* for the third time. being a girl is so tedious!

tomorrow is my sleep reservoir day. and maybe some movies with my mom. need some mother-daughter time, haven't had much lately. gotta maintain the gilmore girls status! hehe k i'm out. bye mr. blogger! :D

as always people, don't take my results too seriously.. ^^;;



What's YOUR sexual fetish?
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How azn are u?
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

oh my gosh! someone linked to my website by typing in "make your own sex quizzies" in search-msn!!!! ^o^ how funny. i have no sex quizzies! hahaha..

in case any of you are wondering, i just called them. they mail decisions on tuesday the 17th, but i can also call them on the phone after 2 p.m. *sigh*

speech tourny tomorrow! gotta memorize an extremely feministic 7-minute speech.

i think that i am misled a lot. actually, correction: i mislead myself a lot. i'm always living in my own little happy world, pretending that things are the way i wish they were, but somewhere in the back of my head, i know the reality is just waiting there for me when i wake up from my dream. is it because of egotism? i'm too idealistic? refusal to accept things the way they are? fear of not achieving everything i want? and why is it that i have to make my life so achievement-based? why can't i just settle for "good enough" and have to kill myself for.. something i think is better? for me, senior year is a time of realizing my inadequacy. realizing that not only will there ALWAYS be many people who are much more talented than i am, there will be even more people who are willing to put in more time and effort doing the exact same task i am supposed to be doing. inadequacy.

but back to the dream world vs. reality bit. it doesn't only apply to academics. i have this tendency of assuming everything is fine and dandy, and leaving it like that. too afraid to think more about something for fear of disturbing the calm surface, making big unnecessary splashes in my life... too afraid to go against the norm in my life, because the norm is what has always "worked." it's comfortable. it's reassuring. it's safe. it's what everyone expects. it works.

what happens when i break out of this habit of mine? of doing things i'm supposed to do, of living the life i'm supposed to live, of being someone i'm supposed to be. i know what you're thinking.. no one is imposing any such thing on me! no one is telling me what i'm supposed to be, not even my parents! again, this is something i impose on myself. what a contradiction. i'm the one who's stopping myself from becoming what i want to become.

too afraid to be wrong. too afraid to offend someone. too afraid to seem unreliable or flighty. too afraid to be lost. too afraid to be pretentious. too afraid to become someone i think i should be, but am not. too afraid to fly. too used to leaning with other people, stuffing my head with straw..

oh yeah, if anyone is doing stanford apps on adobe acrobat (not reader, adobe acrobat), and is too lazy to create thousands of text boxes, i can send them my file with boxes already created. ^_^

saturday afternoon...

it's so strange to think about the past.. not just my own past, but other people's past as well. to think, hey that person used to be like this and that.. hey he used to be with her and now she's with HIM but didn't they used to be like this and that.. wow. our not-so-dramatic but still soap-opera-ish lives.

reality...

at one particular point in time our emotions can be so intense, they can feel so real and so.. near to us. but then a few months pass, we get caught up in other things, and soon our past becomes like a dream. like in peter pan, after the little kids grow up.. when they think about their adventures, they dismiss it as just a dream.

letting my mind wander...

interesting how you can be so close to a certain person, but the next time you know it, they've become someone you just write christmas cards to. christmas cards people. so who's to say what's real and what's not? who's to say the phrase "best friends forever" is not a lie? who's to say whether someone really means it when they say "i love you?"

forever..?

it's been said that life is like theater. the scenes go by and the play goes on. i'm not going to be cliche by going on and on about how we are the actors and actresses.. that's old. but sometimes i wonder if there is any meaning in the act we put on.. what's going to happen when the final curtain falls..?

what does "forever" mean? does it carry any weight in this day and age? is anything lasting? this reminds me of something, lemme dig it out of my binder, i'm sure y'all know what this is from:

shape without form, shade without colour
paralysed force, gesture without motion

between the idea
and the reality
between the motion
and the act
falls the shadow
for the time is the kingdom
between the conception
and the creation
between the emotion
and the response
falls the shadow
life is very long
between the desire
and the spasm
between the potency
and the existence
between the essence
and the descent
falls the shadow
for thine is the kingdom
for thine is
life is
for thine is the

:(

i hate waiting. and i realize that i haven't seriously blogged for a while, which is unlike me, becuz i always seem to have something to say about my life, huh? so lately i've been flipping coins, trying to get some kind of a sign. sounds so stupid. *half-hearted chuckle* but i feel like it all depends on something.. that something.. it's just a fantasy or an illusion that i've been living in, but soon the bubble will burst. i don't think i'll be able to function normally until that day.

*sigh* what a vague blog entry.

something essential is missing in my life. and i know what it is. and i know how to get it back. and i know what it's been doing to me lately. but.. i'm too stubborn to go and get it back.

which song describes you the best?

Which food are YOU? Find it out at Perverted-Pink.Net!

hmm.. i seem to be functioning in taiwan-time lately.. i think i actually work better this way.. come home in the afternoon, sleep until 9 or so, then get up, eat dinner, and start working (ahem, or procrastinating) until a couple hours before school starts, then go to school. it's a much better system!! this way, i'm super efficient cuz there's no distractions and there's nothing else to do at freakin 3 in the morning.. well except blog. hehehhe... the only problem with this "shellie-time-zone" is if i have stuff to do after school.. then i get super sleepy. oh and if ppl call me i don't return calls till like, 10 pm. haha (angela knows)

"Dear Stanford Applicant:

"We just wanted to let you know that we have received your application documents and your file is ready to be evaluated."

I've always thought that paying one dollar for a lottery ticket was a waste of money.

I paid $65 to apply to Stanford.