4.30.2003
hahaha remember ucla? "i'm not a geek.. geeks are smart!" hehehee ^^;;
Fixedsys - You are the person people go to when
they are having trouble with their computer.
Geeky but reliable.
What Font Are You? (Standard Fonts)
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Fixedsys - You are the person people go to when
they are having trouble with their computer.
Geeky but reliable.
What Font Are You? (Standard Fonts)
brought to you by Quizilla
mr ferrante today after class: "there are some problems that have been PROVEN to be un-solvable. you just can't find a solution.."
yes, there are those problems for which the solution set is null. but i feel so defeated if i just let this one go.. there's gotta be something i can do to help..
complicated.
yes, there are those problems for which the solution set is null. but i feel so defeated if i just let this one go.. there's gotta be something i can do to help..
complicated.
4.29.2003
4.28.2003
4.27.2003
today was our last cys rehearsal.
it didn't go that well actually.. no i am not going to burst into tears about the last three years i was in cys.. nor am i going to go into a huge reminiscent session about all the times, good and bad, that i stayed in that rehearsal room.. if i could write out what i feel about being in this group, i would. but i don't quite know how to describe it just yet. and i don't want to over-dramatize anything. (although i probably am already)
we join, we have fun. and now we have to move on to the next phase, right? all is normal, all is fine. there is nothing to worry about.
we're simply moving on.
it didn't go that well actually.. no i am not going to burst into tears about the last three years i was in cys.. nor am i going to go into a huge reminiscent session about all the times, good and bad, that i stayed in that rehearsal room.. if i could write out what i feel about being in this group, i would. but i don't quite know how to describe it just yet. and i don't want to over-dramatize anything. (although i probably am already)
we join, we have fun. and now we have to move on to the next phase, right? all is normal, all is fine. there is nothing to worry about.
we're simply moving on.
4.26.2003
so i was sitting on the toilet and pondering all sorts of random things (don't i always?), and i realized that i can attribute my fear of many physical activities to different over-zealous "teachers" who had the integrity to never give up on me despite my lack of coordination.
swimming:
when i was small, my family and i would often go swimming at those dirty, crowded, only-available pools in taiwan. they sectioned off parts of the pool to teach little kids how to swim. i always avoided those swimming classes, happily drifting around in my huge lifesaver. but those coaches, while they were taking a break, would always somehow feel a responsibility toward teaching me to swim. although they did it for my own good, of course, to me those coaches were like monsters who forced me to give up my huge lifesaver doughnut.. they'd drop me and tell me to sink to the bottom of the pool, then push off the bottom and come up for air. being the uncoordinated me, i often opened my mouth before i was up on the surface, and even more often i would never get to the top becuz i pushed off too weakly. this would mean that i often swallowed a whole buncha pool water or thrashed desperately while trying to come up for air. and my parents would never rescue me from those over-zealous coaches!! >:O so of course, once i mastered the technique of avoiding those swimming coaches, i stayed away from anyone who attempted to teach me to swim. *shudder* it wasn't until much later that i started to learn again, and i'm still not very good. :( nevertheless, i never believed in just dropping someone into the pool and forcing them to survive to be an effective method of teaching little kids to swim.
running:
in kindergarten, our teachers liked to play a "game" with us where a big man would chase us around, acting like a huge gorilla. every kid had fun pretending to be scared and running away from the big man. every kid except me. he was huge!! and his expression looked as if he was going to swallow me up w/ his huge mouth and huge teeth. so i was obviously the one who screamed the loudest and ran around like crazy.. somehow the big man was amused by this and started to chase only me. i got even more scared and he apparently thought i was having even more fun. i ran and ran and ran and it seemed as if i would never outrun him. so that was my impression of running - that i would never outrun "him."
rollerblading:
many of you know azusa? nice gal, heard i couldn't rollerblade, of course offered to teach me. before i even started, however, i stood in her garage with rollerblades on, and before i knew it i was sliding down her somewhat steep driveway. and she had a sharp mailbox at the end of the driveway. it wasn't very pretty. but it wasn't her fault.. she tried to pull me back but it was too late.. :-/ *crash*
ping-pong:
my dad had a passion about ping pong and thought i might have inherited some of his skills.. at first he was patient, teaching me how to hit the ball, etc. but then he realized that somehow i couldn't get my racket to meet the ball.. :-/ i wanted to give up but he, being the encouraging dad, said, "no no! just keep practicing." and so he would make me practice and practice.. the little train that said "i think i can" was wrong about me and ping pong i guess... so now the ping pong table (wherever it is) stands folded and covered with a thick layer of dust. *sigh*
there's many more, but i won't go on cuz i have to do my essay.. but the moral of the lesson is, "i believe i can fly" can sometimes be unrealistic when applied to an indifferent, uncoordinated, and somewhat frightened little kid who just wanted to be left alone. >_< perhaps if i had persereved, i would have succeeded.. who knows. oh well.
swimming:
when i was small, my family and i would often go swimming at those dirty, crowded, only-available pools in taiwan. they sectioned off parts of the pool to teach little kids how to swim. i always avoided those swimming classes, happily drifting around in my huge lifesaver. but those coaches, while they were taking a break, would always somehow feel a responsibility toward teaching me to swim. although they did it for my own good, of course, to me those coaches were like monsters who forced me to give up my huge lifesaver doughnut.. they'd drop me and tell me to sink to the bottom of the pool, then push off the bottom and come up for air. being the uncoordinated me, i often opened my mouth before i was up on the surface, and even more often i would never get to the top becuz i pushed off too weakly. this would mean that i often swallowed a whole buncha pool water or thrashed desperately while trying to come up for air. and my parents would never rescue me from those over-zealous coaches!! >:O so of course, once i mastered the technique of avoiding those swimming coaches, i stayed away from anyone who attempted to teach me to swim. *shudder* it wasn't until much later that i started to learn again, and i'm still not very good. :( nevertheless, i never believed in just dropping someone into the pool and forcing them to survive to be an effective method of teaching little kids to swim.
running:
in kindergarten, our teachers liked to play a "game" with us where a big man would chase us around, acting like a huge gorilla. every kid had fun pretending to be scared and running away from the big man. every kid except me. he was huge!! and his expression looked as if he was going to swallow me up w/ his huge mouth and huge teeth. so i was obviously the one who screamed the loudest and ran around like crazy.. somehow the big man was amused by this and started to chase only me. i got even more scared and he apparently thought i was having even more fun. i ran and ran and ran and it seemed as if i would never outrun him. so that was my impression of running - that i would never outrun "him."
rollerblading:
many of you know azusa? nice gal, heard i couldn't rollerblade, of course offered to teach me. before i even started, however, i stood in her garage with rollerblades on, and before i knew it i was sliding down her somewhat steep driveway. and she had a sharp mailbox at the end of the driveway. it wasn't very pretty. but it wasn't her fault.. she tried to pull me back but it was too late.. :-/ *crash*
ping-pong:
my dad had a passion about ping pong and thought i might have inherited some of his skills.. at first he was patient, teaching me how to hit the ball, etc. but then he realized that somehow i couldn't get my racket to meet the ball.. :-/ i wanted to give up but he, being the encouraging dad, said, "no no! just keep practicing." and so he would make me practice and practice.. the little train that said "i think i can" was wrong about me and ping pong i guess... so now the ping pong table (wherever it is) stands folded and covered with a thick layer of dust. *sigh*
there's many more, but i won't go on cuz i have to do my essay.. but the moral of the lesson is, "i believe i can fly" can sometimes be unrealistic when applied to an indifferent, uncoordinated, and somewhat frightened little kid who just wanted to be left alone. >_< perhaps if i had persereved, i would have succeeded.. who knows. oh well.
4.24.2003
heh heh joining the recent fad with color quizzes. this one is not from colorquiz.com but from colorgenics.com. i find it to be less vague and a little easier to understand, but sometimes it can be falsely flattering. here it is:
Your mind is never at rest. You are continually striving to influence all those about you. You have some excellent ideas but you persist in trying to persuade others just how great your ideas really are. Maybe you are trying too hard. Take it easy - remember, 'Everything comes to those who wait'.
You 'need to be needed'. As an idealist you are intolerant of anything short of special consideration from those close to you. If you do not get what you seek you are apt to become reclusive and you will close the doors on all those within your sphere of influence.
You feel that you deserve far more than is being attributed to you, but there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realize that you will have to make the best of things as they are.
As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven't been taking care of all your physical needs and it's beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate - someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to be individualistic - to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow - to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.
Being afraid that you may be prevented from achieving your hopes and dreams is making you anxious and nervous. As a dreamer your ideas can at times move into the realm of fantasy and you could be following that so called illusive dream.
Your mind is never at rest. You are continually striving to influence all those about you. You have some excellent ideas but you persist in trying to persuade others just how great your ideas really are. Maybe you are trying too hard. Take it easy - remember, 'Everything comes to those who wait'.
You 'need to be needed'. As an idealist you are intolerant of anything short of special consideration from those close to you. If you do not get what you seek you are apt to become reclusive and you will close the doors on all those within your sphere of influence.
You feel that you deserve far more than is being attributed to you, but there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realize that you will have to make the best of things as they are.
As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven't been taking care of all your physical needs and it's beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate - someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to be individualistic - to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow - to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.
Being afraid that you may be prevented from achieving your hopes and dreams is making you anxious and nervous. As a dreamer your ideas can at times move into the realm of fantasy and you could be following that so called illusive dream.
this college madness has got to stop. it feels like the more i try to make a decision and think rationally, the less i am able to do that. yes of course, it is easy to give in to the nicely-planned, stable and somewhat more encouraged possibility. but then i will always be asking myself the question of, what if i took a risk and did something outside of the box? jumping out of my comfort zone. plunging outside of history, you might say. taking the chance to make a decision that was uniquely mine.. to pursue something i'm not quite sure would work..
somehow i feel that if i don't take this chance, everything i have said and thought about would become hypocritical. wasn't i "bored" with everything? didn't i want to do something different, to explore something for once, without having the safety net of.. i don't know what. my mind gets so muddled everytime i try to put this.. impulse into some kind of order. it's not even about academics vs. social life. it's about the great unknown vs. the happy, comfortable known. and what if i were to fail? what would i fall back on?
what's more important.. joining something that's "you," or joining something you strive to become? perhaps the obvious answer to this question is to choose the latter. but what if that thing, that dream or principle or belief or whatever you want to call it, is not really what you think it is? then what? you can't blame anyone but yourself for your mistakes. but we learn from our mistakes, don't we? but what if by ignoring the advice others give me, i think i am acting out of this idealistic form of independence and individuality, when i am simply being stubborn and trying to be different just for the sake of being different? is that a crime? is that stupidity? or is it courage? what am i doing?? does being realistic imply being cynical? does being adventurous imply being naive?
six days left... :(
somehow i feel that if i don't take this chance, everything i have said and thought about would become hypocritical. wasn't i "bored" with everything? didn't i want to do something different, to explore something for once, without having the safety net of.. i don't know what. my mind gets so muddled everytime i try to put this.. impulse into some kind of order. it's not even about academics vs. social life. it's about the great unknown vs. the happy, comfortable known. and what if i were to fail? what would i fall back on?
what's more important.. joining something that's "you," or joining something you strive to become? perhaps the obvious answer to this question is to choose the latter. but what if that thing, that dream or principle or belief or whatever you want to call it, is not really what you think it is? then what? you can't blame anyone but yourself for your mistakes. but we learn from our mistakes, don't we? but what if by ignoring the advice others give me, i think i am acting out of this idealistic form of independence and individuality, when i am simply being stubborn and trying to be different just for the sake of being different? is that a crime? is that stupidity? or is it courage? what am i doing?? does being realistic imply being cynical? does being adventurous imply being naive?
six days left... :(
4.23.2003
it's getting harder and harder to remain positive despite outside circumstances nowadays.. but i will try. hard to take things just for their face value.. too quick to judge, too much suspicion. sometimes it comes from people you expect the least.. tell me i am only paranoid.. or are they simply oblivous?
"HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE FREE OF ILLUSION..."
"HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE FREE OF ILLUSION..."
heh heh monty python is funny.
Mean lil fellow, arn't you?
What Monty Python Character are you?
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Mean lil fellow, arn't you?
What Monty Python Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
IT'S SECRETARY'S DAY!!! hahaha happy secretary's day to meeee~~ well actually it's called "administrative professionals day" but oh well. :D
oh yeah, my math grade is STILL in danger.. but it's spring break! teehee..
LA was fun. still in agony. too many things to update on, so i decided not to.
still prancing around with my wonderful wonderful dress! very exciting.. rampage i love you and all your sales!
oh yeah, my math grade is STILL in danger.. but it's spring break! teehee..
LA was fun. still in agony. too many things to update on, so i decided not to.
still prancing around with my wonderful wonderful dress! very exciting.. rampage i love you and all your sales!
4.07.2003
bye bye my dear old blog. :-( i guess that means no more template-messing either... ahh this is so sad.. i will miss writing in this thing and taking quizzies and obsessively adjusting widths and heights and everything!! *sigh*
but first things first. need to get my act together. i wasn't supposed to be this way....
but first things first. need to get my act together. i wasn't supposed to be this way....
4.06.2003
excerpt: "guys and girls never just INTEND on being close friends. when i say close friends, i mean friends who are almost like best friends. in order to get close, there had to be motive to get to know the other person better. and the motive is usually an attraction to the other person. sure, the intial motive could've been pure, but the end result is the same."
interesting read: can guys and girls be friends??
interesting read: can guys and girls be friends??
4.05.2003
hehe i can feel a new obsessive phase starting.. i updated kafung's blog! haha :P
P.S. blogger templates take forever to make actual changes on the page, so it's still under construction. ^^;;
P.S. blogger templates take forever to make actual changes on the page, so it's still under construction. ^^;;
yup.. you guessed it! the result of my procrastination:
What kinda Blob are You?
You are an Accord EX-V6. You're not quite plebian, but you're a comfortable and conservative sort of person who keeps a balanced view and level head during a conflict. You can be rather demanding at times, but it's all in a pursuit to keep things mellow.
which honda are you? | visit high mileage
HABBO FURNI IN REAL LIFE!!! XD *cannot hide excitement*
What kinda Blob are You?
You are an Accord EX-V6. You're not quite plebian, but you're a comfortable and conservative sort of person who keeps a balanced view and level head during a conflict. You can be rather demanding at times, but it's all in a pursuit to keep things mellow.
which honda are you? | visit high mileage
HABBO FURNI IN REAL LIFE!!! XD *cannot hide excitement*
4.03.2003
Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes but I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
I used to get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and
You chase my thoughts away
To a place where
I am blinded by the light
But it's not right
And it hurts to want everything
And nothing at the same time
I want what's yours
And I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star
. michelle branch . goodbye to you .
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes but I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
I used to get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and
You chase my thoughts away
To a place where
I am blinded by the light
But it's not right
And it hurts to want everything
And nothing at the same time
I want what's yours
And I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star
. michelle branch . goodbye to you .
4.02.2003
ahh yes.. bow down and worship me!! XD
what number are you?
this quiz by orsa
I am infinity You may worship me, but from afar _ |
this quiz by orsa