they told me lassie hasn't been eating much in the past couple days.. and she keeps barking at her new owner. :-(

kaka: jie xiao
kaka: hai you wo :-)
kaka: right?
kaka: (shelley backs away)
kaka: hehe ^^;;
shellz: -___-;;
shellz: you're spelling things wrong all over the place!
kaka: shut up
kaka: there's no "right" way to spell it
kaka: unless you know the pin yin..
kaka: :-D
shellz: yes there is
shellz: there's a standard way!
shellz: you're a disgrace to the chinese people
kaka: hahaha
kaka: thanks shelley
kaka: *hides away in pain*
kaka: this is just like your your..
kaka: this is just like the way you made me feel bad
kaka: for having to eat carrots :-(
shellz: hahahhahahhahahhaahhahaha
shellz: you're so adorable!
shellz: *squeezes kafung's cheeks*
shellz: eee~~ :-D
kaka: haha dork
kaka: well it isn't as bad as that one time
kaka: you said i lookd like a chocolate chip cookie
kaka: :-(
kaka: *crys in the corner of the room*
shellz: hahahhahaahahahah
shellz: your face!
shellz: it DID look like a giant chocolate chip cookie
kaka: :-(:-)\\\\\\
shellz: hehehehhee
kaka: hahaha FINE
shellz: cuz it was sorta greasy
kaka: i'm going to go away
shellz: and the color
shellz: was like.. brown cuz you're tanned
kaka: ~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
kaka: ....:'(
shellz: hehee
shellz: aw.....!!!
shellz: kaka.. come here

Auto response from kaka: shelley's mean to me.. :-(

shellz: *pat*pat*
shellz: aiya!!!
kaka: *glare*
shellz: and your googly eyes were like chocolate chips!
shellz: hehehhee
kaka: *runs into the arms of another girl*
kaka: she'll treat me nicer
shellz: uhh
kaka: hmph
shellz: no
kaka: greasy
shellz: she's just gonna eat you
kaka: >:o

today when i drove into the garage, i saw the space that used to be occupied by lassie, now replaced by dining room furniture. among them was one colorful shelf that i remember putting together with my mom when we first moved here.

Here we go around the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go around the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.

YAY!!! called the admissions office, i don't need a B average this semester! lalala..

another *yay* for extension on the housing contract deadline. more time to decide if i wanna stay at unit 1 or foothill. teehee!

coming back to the computer after a short conversation with my mom about selling our house. since we're going to have open house pretty soon, and i'll be moving some stuff to college, we're going to have a thorough cleaning of my room. by thorough cleaning it basically means packing up everything that i won't be immediately using and throwing a LOT of things away...

boxes.. boxes.. moving boxes..

can you blame me for not liking the process of packing things up in boxes? i hate the idea and i try to escape the topic whenever i can.. why can't i be like other people and have a family and home to come back to during breaks from berkeley? that is, if i do decide to go there. i want to have a base in america too. i can't stand the thought of everything changing so fast..

lassie is going away tomorrow.

we will be officially selling our home starting june 10, i believe.

i wanna go hide under my blanket holding a teddy bear i got from a long, long time ago. grasping, holding on to the very last bit of something familiar here.. it's not fair.. you can tell me all about wonderful opportunities in the future, but i care about right now, and what i must decide to leave right now. i'm still running away from the fact that in a couple of weeks, nothing will ever be the same again. maybe i'm going back to my old habit of over-dramatizing, but it is true. i'm going to be living in a presentation. a model house.

hey, stranger, feel free to waltz into my room and take a look - would you like to buy it? how much will you pay for it?

i don't want any stupid stranger to put a price on my memories!

ugh, how i loathe moving boxes.. sorry hexagon, i really really loved all your gifts and the time you put into writing little notes, wrapping them, and the hot VS models on the box. really, i loved it. but honestly, i couldn't help but stifle a shocked gasp when i saw the moving box. but i know you guys didn't know. so it's ok..

why am i so afraid of change?

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

matchbox twenty - unwell

sorry i was so out of it today hexagon people..

i really like who's afraid of virginia woolf, despite a lotta people calling it morbid. i like the way it portrays how marriages can be at times. elizabeth taylor is a really good actress.

yesterday i tried the body whip that esther gave me. it's sorta like whipped cream, and i felt like i was putting fudge over myself! it smelled so fruity and looked so cute that i wanted to eat it. have you ever had that experience? where you want to eat something that you put on your body? hmm.. :-/ well after i put it on i began to smell fruity, and then i thought, what if i bit my arm? haha but of course i shook it off.. this is a very dangerous body whip!

uh-oh! i got accepted into WiSE (women in science and engineering).. this means i get to stay at foothill! instead of the cramped unit 1 TRIPLE that is way far from EECS buildings.. but but but.. no christina! >_< nooooo i can't live w/o my martha stewart!!!

nice room.. or nice roomie? :(

you make me smile.
you make me cry.

and sometimes you do both at the same time..

ah so yes.. my new mp3 player. had some difficulties opening the thing cuz you can't really cut the plastic.. so finally after everything was loaded, despite the help of dennis, it still didn't work:

exuberantWaWa: it's not working :-(
dorkus denkc: gasp
dorkus denkc: uhh
dorkus denkc: is it turning on?
dorkus denkc: i dont know if it tells you
exuberantWaWa: it makes a beep and it goes off
dorkus denkc: battery?
dorkus denkc: or put the usb thing back in
exuberantWaWa: i did
dorkus denkc: and?
exuberantWaWa: battery is new

30 seconds later...

exuberantWaWa: HAHAAHAHAHAH
exuberantWaWa: i'm so stupid
exuberantWaWa: >_<
exuberantWaWa: i'm such a dork such a dork
dorkus denkc: ...
dorkus denkc: you didn't press play?
exuberantWaWa: well, this certainly teaches you to read directions
exuberantWaWa: DENNIS!
dorkus denkc: lol
exuberantWaWa: actually it was something similar
exuberantWaWa: i didn't press it the right way
exuberantWaWa: yo'ure supposed to hold it
dorkus denkc: lol
exuberantWaWa: hahaha
exuberantWaWa: hahaha this is so funny
exuberantWaWa: funny experience
exuberantWaWa: shelley looks at her mp3 player with a new profound respect
dorkus denkc: so it doesnt accidentally turn on ...
dorkus denkc: i like.

ok so now it is up and running. wheee! my first official tech gadget. james said i should be ashamed i'm going into EECS like this. >_< hahahhaha thanks dennis, jason, john, and calvin!

hmmm..

You are Persephone, from "The Matrix."
Tough cookie, you are, yet there are strains of
sadness and desire that lie beneath you- of
course, you wouldn't want anyone to know.
You're too busy putting up a facade.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

i had a wonderful time yesterday (and today) and i hope you guys did too! thanks to everyone who came! and special thanks to the "mom" of the party chrissy.. my seran-wrapping, breakfast-cooking, birthday-cake-distributing, pan-scrubbing friend! *muah* don't know what i'd do without you. >_<

hmm.. i haven't been posting very meaningful posts. maybe it has to do with.. oh well, dunno.

monopoly! XD

wow.. i have never done anything more exhilarating before in my life.. o.O brings risk-taking up to a whole new level.. but i can't tell you guys what i did!!!! hehe *secret*

and after all that, the cake tastes so good..

*whew* the last few days have just been absolutely crazy. well, not crazy in the hectic-ahh-i'm-too-busy-for-anything sense, but crazy as in.. i go to school (skip classes), have lunch w/ friends, play play play, then go home and sleep, and then wake up and eat and play some more and then finally fall asleep out of utter exhaustion again. it's this cycle of wake up and play and then go to sleep and wake up to play some more. haha THIS IS THE LIFE OF A SENIOR!!! muahahahahahhah

so not only did i sorta "doggie-paddled" in charlton's pool the other day, i also learned to play counterstrike and killed alex a buncha times, then had a nice lil picnic by the lake w/ my good 'ol friend chris, who's back from rice for the summer! i think i've been so busy having fun for the past few days that my brain yesterday just went *pffft* and gave me a huge headache. haha and i missed chevy's :(

pretty happy about my essay in lit cuz maybe it's not impossible to get above a B after all! and i think i need that pretty badly for my B average.. -___-;; *sigh* if only i studied more math and/or bio earlier.. today kafung's parents were talking about how people take senior year for granted and think, oh it's senior year so i should play! but then they might mess up their grades and end up not going to college, even if they've worked hard to get into a good one. i do agree, but i still hope they will soon be able to let go and accept the fact that they won't always be able to keep an eye on kafung and that he IS going to college in a few months and keeping him on such a short leash isn't necessarily good for him NOW. bleh, anyway, but it's a good thing that they're letting kafung come on sunday!! :D for a couple hours anyway. as i was going out i told katye about this and he said, "wow they're being pretty lenient!" >_< man how do you deal...?!?!

so more about the lil "picnic." as i was sitting at the picnic table looking out to the lake, i suddenly remembered something and asked chris the question of whether or not a girl and a guy can truly be close friends without falling in love. then we both remembered that we had a long discussion about it a long time ago, and we had also been sitting on some rock looking out to some mountains or something. it was funny.. made us both realize that some things never change.. he said, "yeah so maybe in another four years we'll be sitting here and you'll be telling me about going to grad school and i can tell you about my med school experiences, and then you'll pop up with the same old question and we'll have a deja vu again." it was great..

basically this whole week has been pretty good. see? a peek into the life of a slacker. haha and whoooooo i'm gonna get a buncha presents this weekend!!! XD *prances off into the distance like a spoiled little brat*

mmm.... green tea ice cream..........

hahah ok so today we finally got to play monopoly! and of course, being the genius me, i was beating everyone! (muahahahhh) but then alex died and gave his stuff to charlton and then started strategizing against me, and pretty soon angela died too and charlton owned the entire board except for my three unvaluable monopolies. >_< and then my money slowly started leaking away until i had to give up all my properties (except for the mediterranean and baltic, bleh) to charlton, and at last charlton crushed me like a little ant. so today we witnessed the rise and fall of shelleyism. wahh. haha it was a good game tho. five hours straight!!

if i'm in the mood later, i shall write about prom and last (very very last!) cys concert. both big events in shelley's life. but as of now, here's a quizzie cuz.. guess why? yeah there's a math test tomorrow. >_<

yup. and that's that.

i wonder, what are you going to do when one day, your back-up plan isn't gonna be there anymore?

so it's been a while since i actually wrote about what's HAPPENING in my life. (as opposed to my strange thoughts) recent news, recent news...

PROM is tomorrow! :D i really really hope i won't be too uncomfortable in a mermaid dress and i hope i don't get seasick.. oh and i couldn't go shopping today cuz i had no money. >_< grrrr.. CHRISTINA YOU BETTER PAY ME BACK SOON!!!! *pounds chest in a donkey kong, primitive, stanley way* >:O haha j/k j/k..

i have an A in econ! haha today i was taking my test and my heart was literally pounding because i was afraid that maybe if i made a mistake on this one question, i won't be going to college. why? becuz my econ grade is on borderline and if it's not an A, then i won't have the B average.. yeah i know, i got hit with senioritis VERY BADLY. *runs away shamefully* so after i finished checking my answers three times through, i asked mr. eldridge to correct it right then and he did. the back side went first and had no ticks, and he said "ooh that's a good sign," then the front side went through and out came the score.. i only got 3 wrong!!!! :D lalala *dances around*

kafung smashed my nose today.. this is shelley's face with a smushed nose: >.< hahaha and this was shelley's face after she got hit and started crying like a baby: ToT. yes of course it was an accident but he hit it REALLY HARD!! everyone go to his blog and leave hate messages on his tagboard!! and no, charlton, it wasn't just cartilage! >:O (why do i keep making the angry face today)

oh oh i got a really cute scrapbook from joanne today! it had pictures from when people got their corny valentines. hahaha some people looked pretty funny.. i showed mr. ferrante his picture and he was like "cool! i made it in your memory book!" >_^ thanks joanne! "hoppy" valentine's! ah i loved our corny-ness (and cheesiness last year)!

ok i have wasted enough time.. i must study a lot of math this weekend becuz i can't study tomorrow (prom) or sunday (concert+sr. dinner). and i HAVE to do well or else i'm also not going to college. :P yeah yeah, punch the slacker.

sooo.... what now? i have my cal orientation thing mid-june.. i wonder what it would be like.. and i wonder if i will find out about NTU before the orientation date. hmm. and i wonder if i should have a bday party (very very belated) and when..

ever since then i've been trying to replace that space with something else. something trivial. something that will take my mind off of it. something society deems, and therefore has taught me to believe, is meaningful. just kept on running from one thing to the next, to the next, to the next.. kept myself well-occupied. believed everything i did had this great wonderful principle to back it up. believed i was "disillusioning" myself. that i took the blindfolds off of my very own eyes. but maybe on the contrary, i have put them on without knowing it. i let the enemy put it over my eyes. and i was in the darkness and still told myself that was the way things should be.

and all the while i knew i was running. from Him.

maybe it's time i stopped.. i wanna let myself be carried over the footprints in the sand.. i want to stop running. no, actually, i want to run. not from things but toward it. the only thing i can run toward and should ever run toward.

“What would it profit a man if he gained the whole world and lost his own soul?"

i can run from Him, i can hide from Him, but He is right beside me, in this life...

oh take me back to the start

wow

i feel like i'm re-learning the simplest things about life. all over again.

"it's funny how people say 'life and death.' as if life is the opposite of death. but it's not - birth is the opposite of death. life has no opposites."

Let me tell you who you really are
You're my comfort
You're not a superstar
I can reach up and bring you back down to the ground
And give you everything you dream about
You can run from me
You can hide from me
But I am right beside you
In this life.

i need someone to reach up and bring me back down to the ground. in this life.

once upon a time, there was a little girl who had all sorts of questions. she was very curious and sometimes even annoyed other people with her questions. but there was one question that she just could not figure out the answer to, no matter how hard she thought about it. so one day, she decided to go into the forest and consult the Tree of Wisdom.

"Oh great Tree of Wisdom!" the girl exclaimed as she proceeded to ask her question.
but after she finished, the Tree was silent. she tilted her head and blinked a few times, wondering what was wrong with the tree. she repeated her question, and again was greeted with silence. so she repeated it again and again, and even started shouting the question at the Tree, for fear that the Tree was hearing impaired.

finally, the little girl gave up. then she remembered that there was a very cunning fox in the forest nearby. she thought, he will definitely know the answer to my question! and happily set about to search for the Cunning Fox.

"Oh Cunning Fox!" the girl exlaimed as she proceeded to ask her question.
but after she finished, the Fox was silent. she was beginning to get annoyed with the silent treatment. so with a swift motion of her hands, she pounced forward and grabbed the Fox by its tail. but right when she thought she had complete control over the Cunning Fox, the Fox disappeared right before her eyes. it was as if the Cunning Fox had never existed.

the little girl was just about to give up when she all of a sudden remembered a very handsome prince in a castle not too far away. she thought, he will definitely know the answer to my question!

"Oh Prince Charming!" the girl exclaimed as she proceeded to ask her question. what beautiful eyes, she thought. she was mesmerized by his charm.

this time, the girl got a response to her question. she was quite perplexed by the Prince's answer, but decided she will believe him. Prince Charming invited the girl to stay at the castle, and the little girl was overcome with joy and quickly consented. for a happy while, the prince and the little girl pranced around in the green fields behind the castle and enjoyed delicious cuisine from all over the world. the little girl was having the time of her life and for a while, even forgot about her question completely.

but one day, when the little girl and the prince went out to the green fields, the Prince realized he had forgotten his allergy medicine back at the castle. "you go on ahead," the prince told the little girl. "i will catch up with you later."

so the little girl began prancing off into the green fields by herself for the first time. what a great life, she thought. then all of a sudden, as if struck by lightening, the little girl remembered her question.

she slowed down to a walk and pondered about her question once again. then she decided she was so satisfied with her life that she did not want to think about the question, so she went back to prancing.

but the smile was gone from her face. she stopped prancing and kneeled down on the green grass. she began to ponder.

when the Prince Charming finally caught up with her (as the little girl is very good at prancing), he noticed that something was wrong. so the Prince took a good long look at the little girl while she stared blankly into his face. the Prince became very worried and shook the girl's shoulders, hoping she will come back to him from her trance. but the little girl's face remained emotionless, as if her soul had left her body. the Prince was very worried and yelled, "no! come back to me! wake up!" he hugged her tightly in his arms, but the little girl's body simply sagged beneath his warm embrace.

the Prince could not help but cry over her, confused and devastated at the same time. he had no idea what had happened to the girl, except that even though he was with her, she was not with him. the Prince was deeply saddened by this, and did not know that all this had to do with the girl's question. the one question that led her to him in the first place.

then something strange happened. the little girl's body no longer sagged, and a glow returned to her large googly eyes. she stood up. then, as if she could not see the Prince beside her, she began to walk slowly away.

"come back," the Prince called out to her feebly.

but the little girl could not hear him anymore. it is not known to this day whether she really could not hear him or she simply ignored the Prince's pleading voice. the Prince watched, tears blurring his vision as the little girl walked away. "come back," he called again. but he knew it was hopeless. the little girl will never turn back, and the Prince decided not to force her. then, as the image of the little girl shrank smaller and smaller, until it became such a tiny dot that the Prince didn't even know if it was really the girl anymore, the Prince decided to go home.

all the while, the little girl was mumbling something under her breath. she was repeating the question to herself, over and over again. she would not rest until she could figure out the answer for herself, because she knew that no tree, nor animal, nor even a charming prince could answer her question. she kept on walking and pondering. walking and pondering.

she thought about the question for a long, long time.

*dun dun dun*

introducing.... charlton's pimpin tux[tm]!!!

XD *drool* hehe j/k j/k..

X-men quizzies! XD

Your ideal mate is Cyclops. He's handsome, has
nice hair, and has a cute smile. But he is
also a tad bit annoying, overprotective, and
jumps to conclusions ("We were just
talking!!"). Though his shortcomings may
be a bit much, don't let that throw you off.
He knows how a lady is to be treated and is one
you can grow old with.


Who Is Your Ideal X-Men 2 Mate? (ladies only)
brought to you by Quizilla



You are Jean Grey!

Beautiful and smart, you are still just beginning
to fulfill your potential. You have a strong
sense of right and wrong, but are open to
discussion and changes of opinion.
Unfortunately, when it comes to love you are
often torn between two options, and can never
seem to make up your mind.


Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

did someone get REALLY bored and started pressing the "refresh" button over and over again today?!?!?! becuz today i checked my counter and it set the record - 223 hits in one day..!! whoever you are, stop playing with my counter!!!

my first pair of capri pants! i'd always been afraid of them cuz my legs are so short.. but oh well :D and i got cool shirts too but kaka and tangy thought i looked fat. >:O well i'm looking forward to tangy's pimpin tux ^_^ hopefully he got that one..

more layouts! haha

#9 be my valentine
#10 egg nog
#11 time for a walk

ok so i can't decide on what layout to use and i really really wanna change it. sooooo if any of you are bored enough, you can vote on which layout you like best on the tagboard! the links below lead to generic layout pages:

candlelit desires
narrative
soft words (multi colored!)
hide in corner
if only (pay close attention to the links button!)
letters of chii
maybe i'm just blind (chrissy likes this one!)
fallen angel

yes it is a semi-long list, but it's the only ones i can narrow down after long hours of browsing.. hehe yeah i know i'm obsessed and should be studying bio or something..! if you're interested in the layout that i gave up on, here it is: one of those days.

i love my bloggy!! ^_^

ok forget about the blog below. "one of those days" will not work out due to the excessive pages it must use.. my first experience with iFrames and i absolutely hated it becuz of all the stupid blog ads that keep destroying all the beautiful images!! grrr... that also rules out frames and pop-ups. >_< i guess i will have to stick with dividers and/or tables for now..

a little preview of what might become of this blog.. teehee! :D

oh my gosh.. hahaha i just saw the fobbish letter my sister sent me from taiwan. hahahhaa see below:

Hi Shelley,

I bet you will like the gift I send to you.
Happy your 18th year old Birthday Day~~
And may you have a nice boyfriend after you enter the college.

Love,
Jenny

much thanks to my wonderful hexagon buddies! the reimann sums streamers, the alcohol cake, the cute "add pounds" cupcakes, the swirly "shelley" cake (wow am i gonna get fat?!), the gushers, the pictures, the flowers, the "slaves," and a whole buncha laughs.. thanks guys!! ^_^

more quizzies!


you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You're
adorable, but a little out there. It's alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse


which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

oh but of course...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to tyson too!! ^_^

happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
happy birthday dear shelley
happy birthday to me!!

:D and now onto the adult years..

well well.

so it is over.

i'm having a really bad hair day today.. >_<

boy am i glad i didn't get sucked in to the deathly whirlpool of prom drama..

study study study!! i made flash cards for taylor and maclaurin expansion series!! XD argh but that doesn't mean i will be able to remember them..

the only thing i want for my birthday is a 4 on the calc BC exam.. but i guess i'm the only one who can give that to myself. :(

something reminded me of this..

footprints

one night a man had a dream.
he dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.
across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
for each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand:
one belonged to him and the other to the Lord.

when the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
he noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints.
he also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

this really bothered him
and he questioned the Lord about it.
Lord, you said that once i decided to follow you,
you'd walk with me all the way.
but i have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
i don't understand why when i needed you most
you would leave me.

the Lord replied,
my precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you during your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that i carried you.

author unknown

i wonder who reads my blog.. i know the "hexagon" does, but i look at my counter thingy and i see a buncha weird stuff like someone at stanford keeps reading it. i don't know anyone at stanford!! not any that would read this anyway.. and who the heck uses LINUX to read this?!?!?!? and sometimes the same person would hit the page 10 times within 3 minutes!! so.. strange people, speak up!!! >_<

oh if only getting into those schools were as easy as taking this quizzie.. >_<


Harvard
You're the best -- you know it, as does everyone
else (except for US News and World Report every
few years). You might not be hip, you might not
be pretty, but you're smart as a whip and you
never need to do another impressive thing in
your life.


Which Ivy League University is right for YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla

interesting article: She Works, He Doesn't

more updates later: performance, backing into pole, piano fixed, calc, berkeley housing

CHRISSY AND I MIGHT BE ROOMIES!!! XD

sometimes i wish i was a freshman in high school again. those years when we weren't haunted by AP testing or worried about grades becuz they weren't official. those years when we didn't have many conflicts with people becuz there wasn't much history among us. those years when we were peppy and/or preppy. when we can yell our friend's name down the hallway and run up to them and give them a FAT HUG and not care about seeming superficial or fake or too cute-sy becuz that was the way people were..

and then there are the academics. i would have taken chem H earlier and avoided the whole ISC "lectures" of "the liver is an organ." man i learned more from discussions with jaclyn and patrick than i did from ms. kinkade! and then i would have known how hard i needed to work.. somehow i feel like i gave up a little too much for colleges.. i blew up the value of going to a super prestigious college to ridiculous proportions..

there were these possibilities.. and there is something almost endearing about our naivete and aspirations back then. we haven't been traumatized by reality. we knew no boundaries. we went to all the club meetings and believed they were all meaningful. we followed rules. we listened to teachers. we cared when ms. stimson told us that none of us would get into stanford. we did our homework instead of leaving them all until the day before the test. we got along with our families. we got to sleep everyday. we loved spelling words wrong when we chatted. we loved cheap, bright, colorful plastic jewelry and obnoxious clothing. we smiled and laughed and didn't think deeply enough about issues to get depressed about them.

but of course, there are advantages to being a senior. the quote i got from mrs. stebbins: "the mind is capable of anything -- becuz everything is in it, the past and the future." we can't dwell in the past. and of course only good things show up in our memories becuz we miss them, so of course reminiscences (word?) are biased. i guess we just have to turn our faces away from the past and toward the future and keep "winging it" at life.

too bad they don't make this shirt for guys.. we should get it for our very own farmer boi! :D

it's such a paradox that i always want to talk to the people i can't talk to, and i never want to talk to the people i can actually connect with.

it was a difficult decision, but i've decided not to wear "the little black dress." *awww...* :(

here is what it would have looked like though.. (sorta)

aish i have reeeeaaallly bad grades as of now! T_T today i frantically flipped through the pile of mail, crossing my fingers and hoping that my dad didn't open that fateful mail from cupertino high school, sent to "the parents of shelley _____." (internet, you can never be TOO safe) but good thing my dad told me that there was no mail today for me. *whew* now i just have to check again tomorrow.

went to macy's and got that free sample of clinique happy heart today! it smells really good, but when i went up to the counter and got my sample, the bottle was TINY! grrr... and she took my lil card away so i couldn't get kafung to ask her for another one, all that work pretending as if i didn't know him. although it might have been a bit weird for him to go and ask for a sample of women's perfume.. hmm :-/

this weekend is CRAM weekend! calc AP review book, here i come... -____- (disgruntled face)

"She rushes to the dresser, turns the place inside out. She's scrambling, looking for something. Something small. AH HA! She picks it up and runs to the faucet. It's something small and ...edible? Turns on the freezing cold water and cups the water with her hand. Pops the small thing into her mouth and then the water, in two swift motions. Her legs give and she finds herself on the cold marble floor leaning against the cabinets. She's got her hands clasped together and brow is furrowed, eyes closed tightly. There will be better days.

"The handle jiggles. The door is old. It jiggles some more. A woman is on the other side, frantically trying to say everything she has ever wanted to say for fear that ...for fear of what? Nonetheless, she speaks in a high-pitched, high-volume voice and continues to jiggle the handle all along. The door is really old.

"She's still hugging herself on the cold marble floor with her hands clasped together. There will be better days. Her eyes are now open, shiny and glazed over and she doesn't dare shut them. She rocks back and forth. There will be better days. Suddenly the lights die. There, in the darkness, on the cold marble floor, she gently closes her eyes and let the clear warm liquid slide down her cheeks and as all the world's sound depart from her ears, she listens as the drop hits the cold marble floor. Yes, there will be better days. She feels a warmth in her heart, or is that the heater? Well, she feels a sense of airiness, almost of apathy, but with more emotion, with more heart and soul. She repeats it to herself, yes, there will be better days. She opens her eyes and realizes that the lights have come back on. She stands up and looks at herself in the mirror. She turns on the faucet, cups both her hands, and plunges her torn face into the cold water. As she dries her face, she realizes. I make 'better' days."