i'm baaaaack!! along with some few extra pounds..
my first comment.. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LAYOUT!!!!! this is horrifying.. shall be changing it soon. apparently the girl exceeded her bandwidth limit. :-/
7.26.2003
7.18.2003
haha swimming at kaka's house was pretty fun. his pool is much warmer than charlton's! and so much food..! i think i ate four hot dogs..
oh yes, remind me it is a dangerous thing to get into the jacuzzi with three rambunctious guys. hahaha "pimp-tress" status.
okie well i'm off to the beautiful alaskan cruise for a week! be back on the 25th (late night). goodbye america!! er.. not really.. well goodbye california and heat wave! you guys have fun with the upcoming thunderstorm! :P
muahahahhahaha
mood: enthralled
oh yes, remind me it is a dangerous thing to get into the jacuzzi with three rambunctious guys. hahaha "pimp-tress" status.
okie well i'm off to the beautiful alaskan cruise for a week! be back on the 25th (late night). goodbye america!! er.. not really.. well goodbye california and heat wave! you guys have fun with the upcoming thunderstorm! :P
muahahahhahaha
mood: enthralled
7.17.2003
nothing like walking that can make you feel more like a piece of meat.
so today i didn't have my car because my sister had to use it. i was dropped off at starbucks, where i spent a good 3, 4 hours. not really reading all that much, as i intended to do. but instead, i just sat there and thought. and i realized that i really like talking to myself! we sometimes argue but we always make up, and she always seems to know exactly what i'm talking about before i finish the sentence!
so anyway, back to the subject i began with. i ended up walking along stevens creek from starbucks (the one near safeway) back home. as i passed under the bridge (er not really a bridge, more like 280? whatever it is), i noticed this white car driving very very close to the curb and slowing as it approached. so i thought maybe that person knew me but as i glanced in, i realized he was one of those asian guys that i don't normally associate with, and he was using one hand to lower his sunglasses, staring right at me. i thought, how rude! so i stuck out my tongue at him and made a face. then he drove away.
ugh. ugh ugh ugh.
mood: irate
so today i didn't have my car because my sister had to use it. i was dropped off at starbucks, where i spent a good 3, 4 hours. not really reading all that much, as i intended to do. but instead, i just sat there and thought. and i realized that i really like talking to myself! we sometimes argue but we always make up, and she always seems to know exactly what i'm talking about before i finish the sentence!
so anyway, back to the subject i began with. i ended up walking along stevens creek from starbucks (the one near safeway) back home. as i passed under the bridge (er not really a bridge, more like 280? whatever it is), i noticed this white car driving very very close to the curb and slowing as it approached. so i thought maybe that person knew me but as i glanced in, i realized he was one of those asian guys that i don't normally associate with, and he was using one hand to lower his sunglasses, staring right at me. i thought, how rude! so i stuck out my tongue at him and made a face. then he drove away.
ugh. ugh ugh ugh.
mood: irate
why am i up at this ungodly hour.
actually, i got up at 8 because i had to pee. then i went back to bed but couldn't sleep, and my sister who had just come here from taiwan came and talked to me while poking around my room. so now i'm fully up, and blogging. i've forgotten how cold it was in the morning.. but it feels interesting to be up so super early without having to immediately rush to something. it feels so weird because i've never gotten up this early when i didn't have to! hehe.. almost makes me feel like a normal person.
i said i wouldn't post my AP scores because i always thought it looked like you were bragging by announcing it to the whole world. but i got tired of answering ppl asking me so here they are. you get to reap the benefits of my laziness:
bio 4, english 5, calc BC 4 (AB subscore 4), microecon 5
hmm.... now that i'm up, i have no idea what the heck to do. what do people do in the morning???
mood: eh
actually, i got up at 8 because i had to pee. then i went back to bed but couldn't sleep, and my sister who had just come here from taiwan came and talked to me while poking around my room. so now i'm fully up, and blogging. i've forgotten how cold it was in the morning.. but it feels interesting to be up so super early without having to immediately rush to something. it feels so weird because i've never gotten up this early when i didn't have to! hehe.. almost makes me feel like a normal person.
i said i wouldn't post my AP scores because i always thought it looked like you were bragging by announcing it to the whole world. but i got tired of answering ppl asking me so here they are. you get to reap the benefits of my laziness:
bio 4, english 5, calc BC 4 (AB subscore 4), microecon 5
hmm.... now that i'm up, i have no idea what the heck to do. what do people do in the morning???
mood: eh
7.16.2003
haha.. i just got an email from my big sister in EECS.. here is some of it:
I don't know if you've heard about this Little/Big Sister program in eecs. What happens is that every year an incoming female freshman in eecs will be paired up with another female student in eecs. So yea, I'm your big sister! =D (I think we're paired up because we're both from Cupertino.. hehe..) ... I'm
leaving for Taiwan on the night of 31st and will stay there for about 20 days. I'm also going down to L.A. this weekend. so yea.. I hope to hear from you soon ^_^
aw.. isn't that sweet? i feel so bad that she's not going to have a little sister now because i'm not going to cal. :( but how weird is that? she's a GIRL in EECS from TINO who's CHINESE and going to TAIWAN!!!! those people are very talented at matching people up..
hehe.. email like this make me feel sad. :-/
I don't know if you've heard about this Little/Big Sister program in eecs. What happens is that every year an incoming female freshman in eecs will be paired up with another female student in eecs. So yea, I'm your big sister! =D (I think we're paired up because we're both from Cupertino.. hehe..) ... I'm
leaving for Taiwan on the night of 31st and will stay there for about 20 days. I'm also going down to L.A. this weekend. so yea.. I hope to hear from you soon ^_^
aw.. isn't that sweet? i feel so bad that she's not going to have a little sister now because i'm not going to cal. :( but how weird is that? she's a GIRL in EECS from TINO who's CHINESE and going to TAIWAN!!!! those people are very talented at matching people up..
hehe.. email like this make me feel sad. :-/
7.15.2003
this summer just has been.. ah.. so great. :D but it's about half over now.. doesn't time pass by so fast?
my mom wants me return that black zipper top i got at express. she calls it "bad girls" clothes. :-/ so i guess i gotta make a trip to the mall tomorrow.. but yesterday i also got bikinis!!! ta-da! XD at first i liked this one top but the other bottom, then i wore them together and the colors matched! so i have different-patterned bikinis now.. hehe
and today we went to "test it out" at charlton's house. i haven't worn a bikini since i was like four so it felt very weird.. like when i pushed off the side, water went in and i felt like the bikini kept on moving around, so i didn't have much "protection" around my boobs. teehee.. and we played underwater charade! well... i played underwater charade, they just kinda stood around with a bemused expression at my imitating a starfish by clinging on to the side of the pool..
one thing that bugs me a lot is parents who don't know how to let go of their children. you can't teach them much by restricting them, because they will just know "i shouldn't do this because my parents told me not to." until you realize it's their life and let go, they won't be able to decide what to do and what not to do on their own.. shouldn't parents teach children principles, instead of telling them you can't do this or that? i'm all for well-disciplined children, but if parents are overprotective and won't loosen their grip, once their children go off and live on their own, they will be as if all hell broke loose and be even more rebellious, just to do all the things their parents restricted them from doing before.
i'm glad my parents acted as my guides instead of my masters. they didn't treat me as if i was their little puppet, my limbs controlled by occasional tugs at their fancy. if i choose to become a mother one day, i hope i will do that too - not totally let my kids run "wild and free," but letting them live their own life and feel free to be able to tell me what is really going on in their lives. isn't it sad how many parents don't know what their kids are really like?
and of course, my daily mood: content
my mom wants me return that black zipper top i got at express. she calls it "bad girls" clothes. :-/ so i guess i gotta make a trip to the mall tomorrow.. but yesterday i also got bikinis!!! ta-da! XD at first i liked this one top but the other bottom, then i wore them together and the colors matched! so i have different-patterned bikinis now.. hehe
and today we went to "test it out" at charlton's house. i haven't worn a bikini since i was like four so it felt very weird.. like when i pushed off the side, water went in and i felt like the bikini kept on moving around, so i didn't have much "protection" around my boobs. teehee.. and we played underwater charade! well... i played underwater charade, they just kinda stood around with a bemused expression at my imitating a starfish by clinging on to the side of the pool..
one thing that bugs me a lot is parents who don't know how to let go of their children. you can't teach them much by restricting them, because they will just know "i shouldn't do this because my parents told me not to." until you realize it's their life and let go, they won't be able to decide what to do and what not to do on their own.. shouldn't parents teach children principles, instead of telling them you can't do this or that? i'm all for well-disciplined children, but if parents are overprotective and won't loosen their grip, once their children go off and live on their own, they will be as if all hell broke loose and be even more rebellious, just to do all the things their parents restricted them from doing before.
i'm glad my parents acted as my guides instead of my masters. they didn't treat me as if i was their little puppet, my limbs controlled by occasional tugs at their fancy. if i choose to become a mother one day, i hope i will do that too - not totally let my kids run "wild and free," but letting them live their own life and feel free to be able to tell me what is really going on in their lives. isn't it sad how many parents don't know what their kids are really like?
and of course, my daily mood: content
browsing random xangas again.. an entry really made an impression on my mind: vi. look at the december 9th post.
7.13.2003
7.12.2003
i think i may have two bruises on my butt.
good times, good times: standing near the bbq grill for warmth; "freaking" the horse; child-rearing revelations; two "lesbians" in the car; the pearl milk tea that actually had only the milk part of it; fob mark greeting; standing in line for the bathroom for 20 minutes; my horse with an attitude; angry mexicans and cranky white ladies; grape that "tastes like chicken!"; why everything tastes like chicken; the bread center; richard with leprosy; huddled together with chrissy sharing one jacket; my horse's name is ironically "bustie"; christina's measurements; trotting with rigid upper bodies versus moving butts; three drops of bird poop on poor chrissy...
why do i still smell like barbeque.
good times, good times: standing near the bbq grill for warmth; "freaking" the horse; child-rearing revelations; two "lesbians" in the car; the pearl milk tea that actually had only the milk part of it; fob mark greeting; standing in line for the bathroom for 20 minutes; my horse with an attitude; angry mexicans and cranky white ladies; grape that "tastes like chicken!"; why everything tastes like chicken; the bread center; richard with leprosy; huddled together with chrissy sharing one jacket; my horse's name is ironically "bustie"; christina's measurements; trotting with rigid upper bodies versus moving butts; three drops of bird poop on poor chrissy...
why do i still smell like barbeque.
7.11.2003
7.09.2003
ok ew. time to get a new counter. those bravenet people just do not understand that they have gone TOO FAR with the advertisements - first they started with pop-ups, and now THIS?! can a poor bloggist who only wants to have her simple, free counter get a break?! and now i gotta go dig out new counter sites. do you not see my plight?!
agh. ok done with my over-dramatization of the counter encounter. hehe!
i realize that even though i'd rather TELL people about my decision to go to NTU (as opposed to having them read about it and that's it), i'd still better write up a blog detailing my reasons, or else i just wouldn't feel right. my dear mr. blogger has been with me through the best times and the worst, and to make a big decision like this without first consulting my dear mr. blogger would just be wrong. so wrong.
instead of observing other people like i'm usually doing when i space out, today i observed myself. and i realized that when certain circumstances require it, i can be the exact opposite of everything i wish to be. today with relatives, i was meek, quiet, obedient, polite, lady-like... talked only about the "good stuff" - you know, stuff you talk about with relatives such as colleges, majors, languages, the weather oh my gosh.. haha stuff like that. why do i do that??? it's strange. i become a traditional chinese girl again. no one forces me to, but it's almost like second nature or something.. the good hostess.. the quiet listener.. the polite smile and nod.. the salutary phrases.. the helpful translator at the restaurant.. the denial when they give you compliments.. the smile and slight bow..
always been one to make fun of people who obey the whole "i must now face up to my duties as a chinese blah blah blah to my chinese blah blah blah and do what is expected of me blah blah blah..." so why do i do it too? gah >_< i fee like such a hypocrite! and yet, i'm confused at the same time, because all those things are supposed to be virtuous, no? being a good chinese daughter and bringing honor to the family and all that.. i suppose that if you do it superifically, just to put up a good show, it's a bad thing.. but what human being does not want to present their best side to acquaintances? when we try to let people see only the good side, is that being superficial or fake? or is that just being tactful and having good social skills? if a person is always completely truthful and straightforward, even blunt often times, but they don't have a healthy social life, does that make them any better or worse than a suave social butterfly?
and maybe if you're very good at these kinds of things, you can have the best of both worlds - truth and sincerity combined with a wide sphere of influence and connections.. but is that possible? it seems like the poetry-night-at-the-local-cafe crowd just doesn't mix with the business-suit-and-tie crowd? hmm...
another one of my "inconclusive experiences.." hahaha sorry for being a marlow.
agh. ok done with my over-dramatization of the counter encounter. hehe!
i realize that even though i'd rather TELL people about my decision to go to NTU (as opposed to having them read about it and that's it), i'd still better write up a blog detailing my reasons, or else i just wouldn't feel right. my dear mr. blogger has been with me through the best times and the worst, and to make a big decision like this without first consulting my dear mr. blogger would just be wrong. so wrong.
instead of observing other people like i'm usually doing when i space out, today i observed myself. and i realized that when certain circumstances require it, i can be the exact opposite of everything i wish to be. today with relatives, i was meek, quiet, obedient, polite, lady-like... talked only about the "good stuff" - you know, stuff you talk about with relatives such as colleges, majors, languages, the weather oh my gosh.. haha stuff like that. why do i do that??? it's strange. i become a traditional chinese girl again. no one forces me to, but it's almost like second nature or something.. the good hostess.. the quiet listener.. the polite smile and nod.. the salutary phrases.. the helpful translator at the restaurant.. the denial when they give you compliments.. the smile and slight bow..
always been one to make fun of people who obey the whole "i must now face up to my duties as a chinese blah blah blah to my chinese blah blah blah and do what is expected of me blah blah blah..." so why do i do it too? gah >_< i fee like such a hypocrite! and yet, i'm confused at the same time, because all those things are supposed to be virtuous, no? being a good chinese daughter and bringing honor to the family and all that.. i suppose that if you do it superifically, just to put up a good show, it's a bad thing.. but what human being does not want to present their best side to acquaintances? when we try to let people see only the good side, is that being superficial or fake? or is that just being tactful and having good social skills? if a person is always completely truthful and straightforward, even blunt often times, but they don't have a healthy social life, does that make them any better or worse than a suave social butterfly?
and maybe if you're very good at these kinds of things, you can have the best of both worlds - truth and sincerity combined with a wide sphere of influence and connections.. but is that possible? it seems like the poetry-night-at-the-local-cafe crowd just doesn't mix with the business-suit-and-tie crowd? hmm...
another one of my "inconclusive experiences.." hahaha sorry for being a marlow.
7.08.2003
7.07.2003
sometimes when we find something so good, so completely satisfying, something we feel we can devote ourselves to, we get scared and back away. because we are afraid. afraid of becoming dependent. afraid we will lose control. afraid we will never be able to separate ourselves from it. afraid we will become like vines clinging to a dead wall. afraid we will become nothing without it. afraid of change. afraid of attachment.
so we push it away, as far as possible, both physically and mentally. we think that as long as we did fine by ourselves before, we will be perfectly fine alone again.
but even a mere flower that you plant in the soil.. if you want to pluck it out, roots and all, not only will it die, but it will also leave an unpleasant hole in the ground, where the roots once were. so what do we do? we convince ourselves that even if we were to leave it there to live, the flower will eventually die anyway. so what difference does it make, whether it dies now or later? might as well hang it upside down and let it dry while it's still blooming, let it forever stay in our memories, as a flower that was once beautiful.
and so we go back to being alone.
being the hopelessly sentimental idiot that i am, i hope that by crying as much as possible now while i'm alone in my own room, i will be able to gather up the courage later on, when i have to face things i don't want to face. by then, the tears will be dry, and there will be no more left to shed. and i will have created a callus in my own mind, so that i will be strong enough to do what i know i have to do.
i remember in minority report, as leo (is that his name?) was about to kill the guy who he thought kidnapped his kid, agatha shouted to him, "you still have a choice! no one has seen the future!"
but i also remember as they said in matrix, "you have already made your decision. now you must understand it."
i don't think the above two are mutually exclusive, in fact, i think they both apply. and as long as we're quoting from movies, Yoda also once said, "Do... or do not. There is no try." that i believe i have lived by in the past, and will continue to live by it no matter where i go.
to achieve great things one must turn one's face toward the future, keep running toward the goal and keep in mind the "big picture." but to begin to truly understand oneself, one must reflect upon the past and always keep in mind the little things. those are what life is made of. it's cliche, i know, deal with it.
and in closing, i leave you with the lyrics of the song which prompted this particular entry.
Remember the first day when I saw your face
remember the first day when you smiled at me
you stepped to me and you said to me
I was the woman you dreamed about
remember the first day when you called my house
remember the first day when you took me out
we had butterflies although we tried to hide
and we both had a beautiful night
Remember the first day, the first day we kissed
remember the first day we had an argument
we apologized and then we compromised
and we haven't argued since
remember the first day we stopped playing games
remember the first day you fell in love with me
it felt so good for you to say those words
cause I felt the same way too
The way we held each others hand
the way we talked the way we laughed
it felt so good to find true love
and I knew right then and there you were the one
I know that he loves me cause he told me so
I know that he loves me cause his feelings show
when he stares at me you see that he cares for me
you see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause it's obvious
I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts
and he's missing me if he's not kissing me
and when he looks at me his brown eyes tell his soul
i'm so happy so happy that you're in my life
and baby now that you're a part of me
you showed me
showed me the true meaning of love
and i know he loves me
He looks at me and his brown eyes tell his soul
destiny's child - brown eyes
so we push it away, as far as possible, both physically and mentally. we think that as long as we did fine by ourselves before, we will be perfectly fine alone again.
but even a mere flower that you plant in the soil.. if you want to pluck it out, roots and all, not only will it die, but it will also leave an unpleasant hole in the ground, where the roots once were. so what do we do? we convince ourselves that even if we were to leave it there to live, the flower will eventually die anyway. so what difference does it make, whether it dies now or later? might as well hang it upside down and let it dry while it's still blooming, let it forever stay in our memories, as a flower that was once beautiful.
and so we go back to being alone.
being the hopelessly sentimental idiot that i am, i hope that by crying as much as possible now while i'm alone in my own room, i will be able to gather up the courage later on, when i have to face things i don't want to face. by then, the tears will be dry, and there will be no more left to shed. and i will have created a callus in my own mind, so that i will be strong enough to do what i know i have to do.
i remember in minority report, as leo (is that his name?) was about to kill the guy who he thought kidnapped his kid, agatha shouted to him, "you still have a choice! no one has seen the future!"
but i also remember as they said in matrix, "you have already made your decision. now you must understand it."
i don't think the above two are mutually exclusive, in fact, i think they both apply. and as long as we're quoting from movies, Yoda also once said, "Do... or do not. There is no try." that i believe i have lived by in the past, and will continue to live by it no matter where i go.
to achieve great things one must turn one's face toward the future, keep running toward the goal and keep in mind the "big picture." but to begin to truly understand oneself, one must reflect upon the past and always keep in mind the little things. those are what life is made of. it's cliche, i know, deal with it.
and in closing, i leave you with the lyrics of the song which prompted this particular entry.
Remember the first day when I saw your face
remember the first day when you smiled at me
you stepped to me and you said to me
I was the woman you dreamed about
remember the first day when you called my house
remember the first day when you took me out
we had butterflies although we tried to hide
and we both had a beautiful night
Remember the first day, the first day we kissed
remember the first day we had an argument
we apologized and then we compromised
and we haven't argued since
remember the first day we stopped playing games
remember the first day you fell in love with me
it felt so good for you to say those words
cause I felt the same way too
The way we held each others hand
the way we talked the way we laughed
it felt so good to find true love
and I knew right then and there you were the one
I know that he loves me cause he told me so
I know that he loves me cause his feelings show
when he stares at me you see that he cares for me
you see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause it's obvious
I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts
and he's missing me if he's not kissing me
and when he looks at me his brown eyes tell his soul
i'm so happy so happy that you're in my life
and baby now that you're a part of me
you showed me
showed me the true meaning of love
and i know he loves me
He looks at me and his brown eyes tell his soul
destiny's child - brown eyes
7.06.2003
finding nemo was soooo cute!!!! XD and i saw kai, richard, and steve there. it's funny, i know all three of them through three different channels, and yet they all know each other! kai as christina's cousin, richard from cys, and steve from tino. hehe.
What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
7.05.2003
hehehe thanks angela ^_^
EVERYTHING : You belong in a small percentage of Asian females who are an all-round-little-bit-of-everything group. You don't have an accent, but you can speak your own language a little too. You shop at many stores including Forever 21, Rave, and Abercrombie. You own several pairs of platforms and those cute neon colored thongs. Stop being indecisive.
What Asian Girl Are You?
VISIT HTTP://JEALOUSY.TK
EVERYTHING : You belong in a small percentage of Asian females who are an all-round-little-bit-of-everything group. You don't have an accent, but you can speak your own language a little too. You shop at many stores including Forever 21, Rave, and Abercrombie. You own several pairs of platforms and those cute neon colored thongs. Stop being indecisive.
What Asian Girl Are You?
VISIT HTTP://JEALOUSY.TK
7.03.2003
*wipes sweat from eyebrows*
alas, it is done. see charlton, i have accommodated for your painful eyeball syndrome by changing the text color from white to dark blue. although i DID have some difficulty deciding between #3366CC and #003366. hehe (this is 003366, if you would care to know). i have a feeling this layout won't last for a long time though, because the tagboard just annoys the heck out of me. oh and say byebye to quizzies! anyway, tada! now i can finally go to sleep..
alas, it is done. see charlton, i have accommodated for your painful eyeball syndrome by changing the text color from white to dark blue. although i DID have some difficulty deciding between #3366CC and #003366. hehe (this is 003366, if you would care to know). i have a feeling this layout won't last for a long time though, because the tagboard just annoys the heck out of me. oh and say byebye to quizzies! anyway, tada! now i can finally go to sleep..
7.02.2003
spent the whole afternoon helping my dad plan shore excursions for the cruise to alaska. looking forward to it!! and they have aerobics classes too!! *eeee*
*yawn* stayed up to look at more layouts.. they added more! but apparently a lot of sites are under "hiatus" so i had to delete some old layout links.. ;*( anyway if you're as bored as i am, knock yourself out:
1. like an angel - very pink, very girly, very.. submissive
2. spin with me - haha i love these weird titles.. this is also very girlish
3. melancholy mood - i liked it cuz it reminded me of when i was a latch-key kid. hehe.
4. busy day - a non anime layout that is just too cute. XD
5. family album - i like it. reminds me of schindler's list.
6. tea time - slightly resembles my current layout (since it's also from little red fox design). a little too green though.
7. angelic illusions - this is a past layout of a real site. very gray, maybe i'd prefer more color?
8. waiting for you - *tada!* this is the one i will most likely use. i just love it. love love love. and i like how you never see her face, so you're always kinda wondering what she looks like, and why she won't turn around.. finally, a semi anime layout that doesn't focus on girls having a pretty face. and i like the blue color. if only it was a little wider though.. she kinda reminds me of myself because she's always looking away..
ok going to sleep. zZZzzzZZz...
1. like an angel - very pink, very girly, very.. submissive
2. spin with me - haha i love these weird titles.. this is also very girlish
3. melancholy mood - i liked it cuz it reminded me of when i was a latch-key kid. hehe.
4. busy day - a non anime layout that is just too cute. XD
5. family album - i like it. reminds me of schindler's list.
6. tea time - slightly resembles my current layout (since it's also from little red fox design). a little too green though.
7. angelic illusions - this is a past layout of a real site. very gray, maybe i'd prefer more color?
8. waiting for you - *tada!* this is the one i will most likely use. i just love it. love love love. and i like how you never see her face, so you're always kinda wondering what she looks like, and why she won't turn around.. finally, a semi anime layout that doesn't focus on girls having a pretty face. and i like the blue color. if only it was a little wider though.. she kinda reminds me of myself because she's always looking away..
ok going to sleep. zZZzzzZZz...