response

*aHEM*

i can see that the 10/28 post has generated much angry response from members of the cockier sex (not that i didn't expect it). however, i would like to inform my dear readers that as anti-male as i can be at times, that post had to do with a particular incident which made me much more aware (a little more than i wanted) of the simple fact that GUYS HAVE DICKS. and many do not think before acting on behalf of them. and considering that, unfortunately, every guy i meet that is at least my age is stronger than i am, i really don't think the 10/28 post was out of bounds.

besides, i could write whatever i want. HA. sue me.

going right along.. i saw this on ricky's blog:

...girls are bitching about how there are no good guys around. That's what happens when you live in a shitty country like everywhere but America...

i agree that bitching about the lack of nice guys around and sincerely meaning every word said would be quite foolish. but first of all, that post i believe you're referring to is NOT about there being no good guys around. hastily drawn conclusions often lead to such mistakes. secondly, although i'm not quite sure which country can be called "my country," i DO get offended when you imply that "Taiwan (being everywhere but America) is a shitty country." if it's so shitty, why are you struggling to learn its national language? in fact, why would you ever want to understand any other culture if we're all so "shitty?" yes, i admit, if we were at war with America we would definitely be the weaker side, but i don't think the "degree of shittiness" of a country is solely dependent upon its national defense.

and i'm keeping that controversial 10/28 up. go ahead and cast the first stone.

hehe i miss you two

i was browsing alex's picture page and i just really wanted to put this picture up for the heck of it. hehe hope you don't mind alex. ^^;;

chicago - razzle dazzle

give them the old razzle dazzle
razzle dazzle 'em
give 'em an act with lots of flash in it
and the reaction will be passionate
give 'em the old hocus pocus
bead and feather 'em
how can they see with sequins in their eyes?

what if your hinges are all rusting?
what if, in fact, you're just disgusting?
razzle dazzle 'em
and they'll never catch wise!

give 'em the old razzle dazzle
razzle dazzle 'em
give 'em a show that's so splendiferous
row after row will grow vociferous
give 'em the old flim flam flummox
fool and frature 'em
how can they hear the truth above
the roar? roar, roar, roar

throw 'em a fake and a finagle
they'll never know, you're just a bagel
razzle dazzle 'em
and they'll beg you for more!

give 'em the old double whammy,
daze and dizzy 'em
back since the days of old methusaleh
everyone loves the big bamooz-a-ler
give 'em the old three ring circus
stun and stagger 'em

when you're in trouble, go into your dance
though you are stiffer than a girder
they'll let you get away with murder
razzle dazzle them
and you've got a romance

give 'em the old razzle dazzle
razzle dazzle them
show 'em the first rate sorcerer you are
long as you keep 'em way off balance
how can they spot you got no talents?

razzle dazzle 'em razzle dazzle 'em
razzle dazzle 'em
and they'll make you a star!

GUYS ARE FUCKING IDIOTS. YOU'D ALL BE SMARTER IF YOU HAD YOUR DICKS CUT OFF.

woohoo less biking for me

it is official. i am now a biker chick.

ok, ok. bicycle chick. same difference..

but somehow i knew that my biking days were not THAT long. i now have.. *dun dun dun* my very own passenger seat. but in case you, my dear reader, is getting ideas again, as you all have a habit of doing, he is completely off limits. and don't worry, i will still get my thigh work-out from climbing 80 steps of stairs at least twice everyday (dorm).

oh and everyone studies so hard here for midterms! you'd think taiwanese colleges are all about play but.. not here. and i am VERY pleased with their efficiency. totally lives up to the "play hard, work hard" motto.

they

they are each in their own place. each have their own stories to tell. each have stories they wish they could tell.

and as time slowly passes them by, they each see things, people, come and go. and they are watching. watching for any signs of these things and people stopping. but nothing and no one stops for them. and they are passing, too. in this stream of tasks. stream of consciousness. stream of everyday. stream which keeps flowing no matter what. and they are carried along in that stream, and they float like a log with it, turning left, turning right, at times buried underneath, at times bouncing up and out of the water. sometimes they go fast, sometimes they go slow, and sometimes they are stuck in a whirlpool going very fast but getting nowhere at all. but they are each moving. continuously and interminably.

where are they headed to? for now, that's not a question to be answered. because there is only one way. they have chosen this path, and now they must each walk it. or swim? perhaps float. the current carries them, and they are each part of it. they are the ones who keep it moving.

the women of the river. i hope we don't drift apart.

shelley is going to burst

shelley is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst is going to burst.

indecision. why can't i wake up from this dream..

oii

it's times like these when i wonder why i didn't go for a more science-y/math-based major. i've forgotten how much memorization is involved in learning a language... o.O *dizzy*

next best thing

so if i can't become a biker chick, i'll go for the next best thing..

scooter chick? >_^

O.S.

they always look at you when they think you don't know they're looking. but you always know when they're looking. and in a way you're looking at them. looking at you. but maybe.. they knew you were looking too, all along?

one month

dorm life is getting better and better every day. and it was already pretty good in the beginning. today we celebrated one of our roomie's bday. we got a cake for her! and i put my chair in the middle and we used it as the cake table and we sang happy bday and blew candles and everything! haha ok i sound kinda dumb getting excited over such simple little things, but my roomies are really cool people. and considering the fact that no one really has much of a "dorm life" here (everyone stays out until they have to shower and sleep), i'm really lucky to have my roommates.

yesterday we talked until almost 4 am. at first it was about my roomie's soon-to-be lover, then it went to.. just a whole bunch of things. haha.. they're great people. :)

this is such a happy post. but i've been really happy here, despite my not-so-happy sounding posts previously. i mean, life is treating me well, i can't complain much. the only things i'm worried about right now are the upcoming midterms, and how well i do depends on me (not luck or circumstances).

i had complained about not having guy friends but i don't really think that's a problem now. one because i've made some guy friends, and two because girl friends do just as much (and maybe more than) guy friends do.

oh yeah today was our "uniform day" for the jap major. so everyone wore their high school uniforms, and since i had no uniform, this guy who had an incredibly thin waist and generally small body frame lent me his. it was funny wearing a guy uniform. and since they had their names embroidered onto their shirts, and this guy had a particularly "scholarly" name, everyone commented on it. (ie, my chinese teacher)

tomorrow afternoon we're going to talk to our interior designer. he's really only designing my sister's condo, i just get him to do the ceiling, lighting, and walls. heh..heh.. and furniture-shopping is fun. except i'm not buying much..

and now i'm heading home for the weekend. i think the jap major ppl are all going to dan shui for like.. a "major day trip" on sunday. not sure if i should stay home and study?? :-/

so yes, i've been in school for a month. and this is my first month update!

dream

row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
life is but a dream

"fled is that music:--do i wake or sleep?" (Keats, Ode to a Nightingale)

imagine it as if you're only dreaming. then all of it seems to become okay. acceptable. normal. there are no two roads diverged, just one. close your eyes and walk them both.

prelude

i may not know the rules of the game..

but i think i'm winning anyway.

dialogue II

he liked to be my big sister.

when you meet someone you can really talk to, i mean REALLY talk to, you just know. and your conversation consists of only the handful of words necessary. and it's strange, because when you realize you can really talk to someone, that's when the talking seems to fade and become obsolete.

not big brother. big sister.

perhaps he doesn't consider himself "man" enough to be a brother, but he knew enough about certain things that circle in the female mind, enough for him to refer to himself as my big sister.

i don't exactly know when it started, the strange big sister/little sister relationship. i suppose my need for a guy to just be a friend and nothing more was the exact complement for his guy-trapped-in-a-female-body syndrome. oh right, and the fact that he already has a fiancee should also be noted.

well then, does he still count as a "guy" friend? at least biologically, yes. that's good enough for me for now.

so one night, we were talking, as usual. it almost feels exhilirating, knowing that words compose only the surface of the ocean of conversation. we didn't need many of them, and even less considering the chinese language is such a concise one.

"so that's why i have to leave." i didn't want to, of course. but unending dialogue would be an indulgement for another night.

"hmm?"

"to wake up tomorrow morning and do this. and not know why. but i do it anyway. and i won't stop until i find out why i'm doing it." i was telling the truth.

"child, find yourself."

this was the best translation i could come up with for what he said. and even though we were the same age, it didn't feel strange at all that he called me "child." and why did it not occur to me that all of this, everything i've been doing, can all be summed up in this one line he spoke?

"so hard." 2.

"i know. i'm looking too. i know."

being something we're not. not being something we're supposed to be. what. the doubt which plagues us acted as our glue.

blind leading the blind? perhaps. but it felt more simply like.. blind walking beside the blind.

and it feels pretty good.

dialogue

"well, then can you come with me to find a seat then?"

i chuckle and tease. "what, you're afraid to look for seats by yourself?"

"i just don't like being alone." something i rarely hear from people. why?

"but doesn't it annoy you that you can't hear yourself think when you're not alone?"

"no.. i'm afraid of being by myself."

"well.. sometimes i am too. but aren't you planning on studying abroad after you graduate?"

"then i'd have to spend a lot of time alone. and i'd cry a lot. because i wouldn't know anyone there at first."

"oh..."

ughh

why does it seem like everyone who's just been exposed to "the college scene" has some sort of scandalous story to tell? does college really have to be that.. sexually explicit? it's as if we're all bunnies that have been trapped inside a cage all our lives, and we've just been freed from our cage to the outside world and instead of starting to learn about the world OUTSIDE the cage we choose to stay beside it and reproduce. mate like crazy. like bunnies. and it's as if that's all we can do and all we know how to do and even if we don't want to other bunnies will come up behind you and *woop* there it goes.

and everyone is trying to use that to replace something they've been lacking.. but it's not really what they're searching for. and it won't be fulfilling. but it's only until after the mad mating season that the bunnies will know..

hrm. i'm quite annoyed with the nonexistent morale. not that i'm much better but i'd like to think i'm making an effort? *sigh*

chicago

i went music-shopping with one of the very few guy friends i've managed to make. btw, why are good guy FRIENDS so hard to find?! isn't pure friendship nice? like alex and charlton, see why can't i find guys like you guys!? (there, there *strokes ego*)

so anyway, the music-shopping. it was with that tutor guy i wrote about last time. he's almost like one of those professional conversationists, if there even is such a thing. like, you can talk to him about anything, and he can probably whip up some profound opinion. and if it happens to be a topic he doesn't know much about (which is a rare occurence), then in just a few minutes he can already.. grasp the swing and sway of the conversation and again provide incredible insight.

ahh anyway, the music-shopping!! i bought the chicago soundtrack!! muahahaha.. i couldn't resist. and CD's are much cheaper in tw so it's even MORE tempting!!! it was about 10 U.S dollars. hehe :P

i just came back from a two-day trip with the christian fellowship on campus that i'm currently in. it's a really good group. i hope they will eventually become the group of people i can really share things with and be myself around. it's not that i haven't been myself, but i've been very confused about who exactly "myself" is. so until i figure THAT out, i have yet to figure how to BE that self.

hmm.. anyway, i really like the chicago CD.

you can like the life you're living
you can live the life you like
you can even marry harry
and mess around with ike

and that's good, isn't it?
grand, isn't it? great, isn't it?
swell, isn't it? fun, isn't it?
but nothing stays

in fifty years or so
it's gonna change, you know
but, oh, it's heaven
nowadays

routine

wake up wishing i had gone to sleep earlier last night.
class.
lunch with jap friends.
class. class. class.
dinner.
aero or fellowship.
more dinner. i eat a lot.
shower.
talk to ppl on BBS even though i should be memorizing vocab.
keep talking to ppl even though i should go to sleep.
finally drag myself to sleep.
wish i had gone to sleep earlier.

rinse and repeat.

i hate straight guys.

mr. blog, remember my complaints about not having guy friends? well... it turns out that half of my wish was granted. there's the guy part. but er not so much the friend part. that makes a REALLY BIG difference.

i find that in the little tiny circle of guys that i know, i like to hang out with ones who are either taken or gay. or both. it's so much easier to talk to them. they don't have that little cloud above their head. the little cloud every person has when they're available. VERY available. available to a point where you wish they weren't so very.. available.

completely incoherent ramblings. so much for that updated you wanted alex. sorry. i've been breaking promises and making bad decisions and hiding from people and wishing sometimes that i wore a sign that said.. "I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A BOYFRIEND."

if you find this particular post to be offensive and/or that i sound really arrogant and self-centered, it's because i've had enough of guys who look at you like you're a stock option.

in conclusion,
I HATE GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >_<

YOU ALL SUCK. THE WORLD SHOULD BE DOMINATED BY WOMEN.

:o

*drool*

back in love with jay. aahhhh.. memorized by song..

oh jay, you and i were meant to be. i'm so sorry i forsook you and let your CD collect dust all these months.

為什麼我對你說的話
你.. 都聽不懂..?

following the christina party train~ oh yea~~~


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