thought

"It seems to be absolutely true, that our world, which appears to us the surface of all things, is really the bottom of a deep ocean: all our trees are submarine growths, and we are weird, scaly-clad submarine fauna, feeding ourselves on offal like shrimps. Only occasionally the soul rises gasping through the fathomless fathoms under which we live, far up to the surface of the ether, where there is true air. I am convinced that the air we normally breathe is a kind of water, and men and women are a species of fish.

"But sometimes the soul does come up, shoots like a kittiwake into the light, with ecstasy, after having preyed on the submarine depths. It is our moral destiny, I suppose, to prey upon the ghastly subaqueous life of our fellow men, in the submarine jungle of mankind. But our immortal destiny is to escape, once we have swallowed our swimmy cathch, up again into the bright ether, bursting out from the surface of Old Ocean into right light. Then one realises one's eternal nature."

taken from Lady Chatterley's Lover, D.H. Lawrence.

survey quizzie thing *RARE*

hah. saw while surfing xangas (darn xanga! switch to blogger!!). apparently you're supposed to copy paste this into your own and bold the things that apply to you.

1. I can not draw.
2. I have strange eating habits.
3. I am currently obsessed with maroon 5
4. I love xanga
5. I just ate a sandwich
6. I am from a house
7. I was born in October.
8. I enjoy reading.
9. I am not on anti-depressents, yet.
10. I bite my nails like a lil bitch
11. I am in love with Johnny Knoxville.
12. I like English class.
13. I've lost/fucked up my cell phone twice.
14. I hope someday I'll find happiness.[dont get enuff of it]
15. I'm about 5'6"
16. I like sports.[some]
17. I am quick witted.
18. I often stare into nothing.
19. I like board games
20. I appreciate gratitude
21. I can usually sleep even when I'm not tired.
22. I am too lazy.
23. I hate the smell of movie popcorn.
24. I constantly procrastinate.
25. I have never done hardcore drugs before.
26. I drink alcohol.
27. I wish I had better grades.
28. I love chocolate.[at times]
29. Stupid people amuse me.[other times they piss me off]
30. I hate when people judge others without knowing them.
31. I love hot chocolate
32. I like *some* kids
33. I hate cabbage.
34. I dress casually.
35. I am judgmental.
36. I don't have a favorite television show.
37. I'm not a senior in high school.
38. I am single.
39. I go to ECR.
40. I like Garlic Bread. [sometimes]
41. I am an optimist.
42. I love winter.[sometimes]
43. I haven't seen Marilyn Manson in concert.
44. I can be harsh.[i think...]
45. It annoys me when people disrespect nature.
46. I am a hypocrite.[somtimes]
47. I wish i could vote in the 2004 presidential election.
48. I am trustworthy.
49. I wish I could play guitar or sing.
50. I want to get my hair cut.
51. The silence after a long discussion when you're trying to think of what to say next is terrible.
52. I burn my own cd's.[sometimes]
53. I am not passive.
54. The best thing about a guy is his personality.
55. I often put others before myself.
56. I hate it when I don't understand what the lyrics of a song mean.
57. My mother is a fucking bitch. [ that's mean]
58. I am currently smoke-free.
59. I'm half korean and half white.
60. Stupid people really confuse me.
61. I like showers.
62. I love surprises.
63. I'm not fond of confrontation.
64. Sometimes I laugh about absolutely nothing.
65. The known makes me uneasy.
66. I am perfectly comfortable with knowing that I will eventually die.
67. I hate cold showers.
68. I speak just to fill silence.[sometimes]
69. I am afraid of not having control over my future.
70. I wish I could visit New York.
71. I like to keep life exciting.
72. I have ran into a tree.
73. I have walked into windows.
74. I like looking at and taking pictures
75. I don't know how to play pool.
76. My favorite sport to watch is basketball.
77. I learn song lyrics quickly.
78. I like candles.
79. I like school sometimes.
80. I am annoyed by phony people.
81. I have studied one language besides English in my life.
82. I don't have a favorite color.[i got more than one]
83. I am avoiding homework, thats why I am doing this.
84. I usually hold doors.
85. I have 1 sister. [do step sisters count?]
86. I don't like when people brag.
87. I had a bad camping experience.
88. I really want to find love.
89. I like people with a really good sense of humor.
90. I like taking my time, yet I'm impatient with others.
91. I was just on the phone.
92. I like color coordinating my clothes.
93. My hair is brown.
94. I have never dyed my hair.
95. I reminisce to myself a lot.
96. I am fond of Dave Matthews Band.
97. I don't know who Saul Williams is.
98. I am not a needy person.
99. My bedroom is always messy.
100. I don't like some fancy jewelry.

oh and i think i'm going to get my ears pierced before i go back to taiwan.. maybe more sanitary here? heh..heh..

wow

oh my gosh.. i think this is what we will be performing around mid-march.. it's where the entire japanese major puts on a whole bunch of performances (every major in NTU does this freshman year).

can you say FOB?

alright so i admit it.. i do think it's kind of cute. ^^;;

bullet points

today was fun. went to san francisco and guess what? ate CRABS!!!! *^____^* i don't know why eating crabs make me so happy. i don't have to repeat what we did because you can now read it on xtina's blog. but some highlights:

- "candid" pictures
- every asian guy has a black jacket
- shoulder types
- 3 for $25.. meaning if i get two, i get one free?!
- "let's count the piers!"
- the crab's claw helping itself get eaten (by me)
- what did you get at jcrew? "what you got at VS" um... i don't think so...
- thousand-year-old eggs
- right ear migi no mimi
- finding another size that has become too small..
- comparing femurs, later on finding mine was shorter by two inches
- trotting to catch up every few seconds
- to alex: "spread"
- my habit of taking care of everyone's gifts by buying a whole box of individually wrapped items
- the chinese apron/undergarment fashion show
- "can i have a cup of water?"
- "we'd probably go faster if someone just picked you up and carried you"
- furutsuzeri... oh fruit jelly!!
- i don't think the fish like oatmeal...

there was much more but i should go to sleep now.. in christina's nice big warm comfortable soft bed BECAUSE SHE IS TOO STUBBORN TO LET ME SLEEP ON THE COUCH FOR A CHANGE! heheheheheh... "cramped beds.."

on an ending note for me to ponder upon.. do we determine our environments or do our environments determine us?

alternate

so far i would have to say that this break was nice and very badly-needed.. and it's been interesting seeing what COULD have been. so i guess it wasn't one of those robert-frost-two-roads-diverged-in-a-yellow-wood kind of choices. it was another road which stemmed from the "main road." and now i'm looking at the main road, not from where i left off but at the exact place i would be if i had walked it all along. just for fun, i've been imagining another "shelley" living here, living a berkeley life. imagining the friends i'd make, the classes i'd have trouble in or have fun with, where my hangouts might have been... and it becomes not a matter of regret or no regrets, but just seeing the consequences of your decision playing like a movie in front of you.. see, we don't really get that chance much, to see what would have happend if you made another choice? so i guess i'm lucky. i get to see my non-existent alternate life.

i'm in tino!!! yay yay yay! :D last night had huge crab dinner and today i slept till noon~~ -___-;;

angela's dorm is so niiiiiiiice!!! *carpeting*!

>"<

oh man.. talk about being un-updated.

notes

tentative schedule~

17 (sat)---arrive in s.f. (2:30 pm)
17-20------tino, then to berkeley?
20 (tue)---arrive in davis
30 (fri)-----back to berkeley/tino (charlton: 1/30night - 2/2)
2/1 (sun)--off to airport, night


AM Departures
41 Passenger Bus
7:30 a.m. leave UCD
9:00 a.m. arrive UCB*
11:30 a.m. leave UCB
1:00 p.m. arrive UCD

PM Departures
41 Passenger Bus
2:15 p.m. leave UCD
3:45 p.m. arrive UCB*
6:30 p.m. leave UCB
8:00 p.m. arrive UCD*

ARGHS

j aoiwjfoaidjofaiejofaejofaejoaiwejfoaejoaiwej oi

>"< i can't connect to aim anymore!! the school's having connection problems and dorm net isn't working half the time and they've come up with some temporary solutions for connecting to out-of-the-country websites and msn and yahoo messenger but NO ONE USES AIM so i am left with.. no connection. GAHHHHH!!!!

*edit* problem solved. yay. :D

for you

過完冬季

收到你的信 帶來最近你的消息
忙碌生活裡 唯一的驚喜 像一顆興奮劑
南方陽光滿地 台北走進飄雨冬季
你說別忘記 早晚加件衣

常常在夜裡 我把回憶反覆溫習
像認真的孩子 寫完日記才能夠 安心的到夢裡
每個心中秘密 都在夢裡一一甦醒
燃燒身邊寒冷的空氣 溫暖到天明

過完這個冬季 你是否一如往昔
恨不得睜開眼就能聞到夏日氣息
過完這個冬季 愛你的心更加確定
寫信告訴你 台北也好天氣

one more week.. i wonder what my old house looks like now.

孫燕姿 - 這一刻

這一刻 回頭看見自己
這一路的風景 百感交集的我
下一刻 又將飛向那裡
漸漸疲憊的羽翼 為你披上了勇氣

放心離開我 我會記得這一刻
那些還飛翔著 不可思議的夢
雨後的天空 會有絢爛的彩虹
像最初相信著 我們終會找到 自由

這一刻 時間變成行李
越過生命悲喜 陪伴著我前進
因為你 讓我看清自己
面對未知的恐懼 腳步更加堅定

放心離開我 我會記得這一刻
那些還飛翔著 不可思議的夢
雨後的天空 會有絢爛的彩虹
像最初相信著 我會找到 自由

喔 只是遠行 不是逃避
告別是為延續回憶永恆的華麗
你 要照顧自己 不要忘記
那些燦爛過的痕跡


i'm as worried as you are.

confused

considering the fact that all my finals are a whole week earlier than i had expected them to be, and that my first two finals are two days away, i really should be speaking/writing/hearing japanese right now instead of english (or chinese for that matter).

but anyway, i feel like blogging.

as the date of my going back to the states creeps closer and closer, i find my urge to go back becoming stronger and stronger. not that i don't like it here, but there are certain things that i just don't think i can ever get used to. it's a necessary part of life to often times forget about the past, simply because your mind needs to be occupied by the present and the future. but at the rare times when the past comes back, maybe not to haunt you but to.. nudge its nose at you, you start to pay attention to it. and then you sort of re-discover its existence and the impact it STILL has in your life. going back home, i think this happens with every college freshman.. the total and sudden change in environment. you find yourself surrounded by things you used to know, and somehow it's all familiar and strange at the same time. you miss it, but you know you can't forever bask in its glorious past-ness.

i'm not sure if i'm making sense because my english is really becoming horrible as the days go by. the frustrating thing is that i'm not sure if i'll make more or less sense if i said it all in chinese. but at least it would be better than if i had to do it five months ago.

whenever i visit alex's blog i'm welcomed by pictures. pictures of the past. sometimes i see myself. and it's weird because even though i still look the same, i come face to face with a person that i USED to be. i'm not just MORE [insert adj. here], i'm just NOT [insert same adj. here]. i don't know if my american-ness will ever come back to me, maybe if i live in america again i'll become american again? or maybe it's never left me, but just hibernating in some part of me. all i know is, they can't co-exist. or at least, not co-displayed. my gosh all that bio gene expression thing just all of a sudden came back to me. >"< ew go away go away away away!

sometimes i wish i could just be one thing. and not shifting from one thing to another, back and forth. i don't think i'm a mammal, i think i'm an amphibian, because i'm too easily affected by my environment. it's a good thing because i can adjust. but it's a bad thing because i'd like to know what i'd be like sans-environment. of course, there is ALWAYS some sort of an environment, so that is impossible. then again, are we defined by our lifestyles? this is a problem that just keeps on re-surfacing in my mind. can you really just live an entire life not minding what you are but just simply knowing how you're living it? like a crayon that doesn't know what color it is itself, but all that matters is what's being drawn with it?

i am confused. crayon would like to know its color.

2004

Happy New Years everybody!!

i'm going to break my tradition of not making new year's resolutions:
have compassion