JANUARY 17 TO FEBRUARY 2, OH YEAH~~~
i believe this means i'll be in time for: 1)chrissy's bday! 2)before berkeley starts 3)charlton's in tino too and 4)hopefully before davis starts getting busy?
HEHEEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE
12.24.2003
GOOD NEWS
after repeated begging sessions, the dates are FINALLY set.
i believe this means i'll be in time for: 1)chrissy's bday! 2)before berkeley starts 3)charlton's in tino too and 4)hopefully before davis starts getting busy?
HEHEEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE
i believe this means i'll be in time for: 1)chrissy's bday! 2)before berkeley starts 3)charlton's in tino too and 4)hopefully before davis starts getting busy?
HEHEEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE
12.22.2003
12.21.2003
mosquitos
i hate them. they're the reason i've been up since 6 am. hah. up this early, feels like high school again...
12.20.2003
date change
i'll be coming back on feb. 1 and leaving for tw the night of the 8th. price ticket difference, dad paying, what can i say? :(
12.13.2003
konbanwa samuidesune~~
nothing's up. just felt like writing. and thinking. in english.
only 10:35 at night! this sort of leisure, especially at this time of night, on a SATURDAY night, is to be treasured. but there is no heater in my room, and i can't take the laptop up on my bed, so here i am, rolled into a tiny little ball with only two hands sticking out, tapping on the little keyboard.
the other day i actually became a "biker chick" and went on a tour of.. the history of my life. hah. ok ok, scooter chick, same difference. you see, NTU is located at gong kuan, which is some distance south of chong shan. so we rode through a fourth of taipei city, going north, from the NTU campus up to my house. as an adventure, not as an errand of course. we were both bored and had a "need for speed" and sick of pre-pre-studying for the final and curious about the big bad city that we live in. *chuckle*
along the way i kept on pointing in all sorts of directions, telling the story of my life, organized from south to north. interesting how as we moved northward, we were also moving back in time.
we started in the present, which is NTU. then we rode a bit and got to the chang kai shek memorial area. i guess you could say it was sort of my playground slash backyard from ages 0 to 9. more northward, taipei main station, where i spent every day of a certain summer practicing drumset. that was probably.. junior high? more northward, almost to my house, KTV's. and the 10th floor of what used to be sogo's (shopping center), yamaha, the place where my love of music was born. to say it was born there may sound a bit exaggerating, and to call my hobby "love of music" sounds a bit overrated, but it's still there. music.
then finally we turned into the little alley and stopped in front of the gate leading up to my home, on the fifth floor. we weren't going in, but i pointed upwards toward the newly remodeled window-box thingy that used to be an inefficient and ignored balcony. so we had gotten to the very beginning of my life. and as we rode back south, we traveled back to the present again. or is it future? i don't know. it doesn't matter.
much like how "fifth avenue" and other various street names in new york city have become famous and almost taken their own personality, street names here have their own pride too. it was interesting that although we were both taiwanese, we were completely susceptible to getting lost. so we tried to remember some road names on the way and at certain times, gasped at the realization, "so yadda-yadda street is here! isn't this where blah-blah-blah can be found?"
it was quite an adventure. self-guided tour of the city at 1 am. freezing, of course, and on an over-speeding motorcycle.
ok fine, scooter. but motorcycle sounds so much cooler doesn't it? ^^;;
now, it is just TOO cold for an island located within the tropic of cancer!! i'm going to go snuggle with myself..
only 10:35 at night! this sort of leisure, especially at this time of night, on a SATURDAY night, is to be treasured. but there is no heater in my room, and i can't take the laptop up on my bed, so here i am, rolled into a tiny little ball with only two hands sticking out, tapping on the little keyboard.
the other day i actually became a "biker chick" and went on a tour of.. the history of my life. hah. ok ok, scooter chick, same difference. you see, NTU is located at gong kuan, which is some distance south of chong shan. so we rode through a fourth of taipei city, going north, from the NTU campus up to my house. as an adventure, not as an errand of course. we were both bored and had a "need for speed" and sick of pre-pre-studying for the final and curious about the big bad city that we live in. *chuckle*
along the way i kept on pointing in all sorts of directions, telling the story of my life, organized from south to north. interesting how as we moved northward, we were also moving back in time.
we started in the present, which is NTU. then we rode a bit and got to the chang kai shek memorial area. i guess you could say it was sort of my playground slash backyard from ages 0 to 9. more northward, taipei main station, where i spent every day of a certain summer practicing drumset. that was probably.. junior high? more northward, almost to my house, KTV's. and the 10th floor of what used to be sogo's (shopping center), yamaha, the place where my love of music was born. to say it was born there may sound a bit exaggerating, and to call my hobby "love of music" sounds a bit overrated, but it's still there. music.
then finally we turned into the little alley and stopped in front of the gate leading up to my home, on the fifth floor. we weren't going in, but i pointed upwards toward the newly remodeled window-box thingy that used to be an inefficient and ignored balcony. so we had gotten to the very beginning of my life. and as we rode back south, we traveled back to the present again. or is it future? i don't know. it doesn't matter.
much like how "fifth avenue" and other various street names in new york city have become famous and almost taken their own personality, street names here have their own pride too. it was interesting that although we were both taiwanese, we were completely susceptible to getting lost. so we tried to remember some road names on the way and at certain times, gasped at the realization, "so yadda-yadda street is here! isn't this where blah-blah-blah can be found?"
it was quite an adventure. self-guided tour of the city at 1 am. freezing, of course, and on an over-speeding motorcycle.
ok fine, scooter. but motorcycle sounds so much cooler doesn't it? ^^;;
now, it is just TOO cold for an island located within the tropic of cancer!! i'm going to go snuggle with myself..
12.10.2003
product of a lazy, rainy afternoon
so maybe we've passed through that junior high school depressive phase where we talk about masks we wear in front of people. and then we think we've become all grown up when we finally learned that you can't gain anything without having risked something of yourself that is pure and true. the "having faith in humanity" spiel.
now that's all fine and dandy. but what if you discover that you're wearing masks in front of yourself? frankly, i find the over-used and under-interpreted phrase, "look within yourself" to be very funny. just which one are they talking about? what color, shape, size, or even price range? the spring line or the fall line? or maybe the swimsuit edition?
sometimes i find shopping to be quite addicting.
people lie when they don't want to reveal the truth to the person they're talking to. that is assuming that liars know what the truth is. and what if you don't know the truth? is what you're doing still called "lying" or is it.. hypothesizing? or maybe you're providing examples? drawing one out of the many to talk about.. because you certainly can't leave the conversation just hanging there in midair. at least not with some people.
i see i've reached a dead end. therefore i will start an inventory of the things i see around me.
box of tissues, because free toilet paper deserves an "ooh" here.
japanese tapes, one titled "everyday listening in 50 days" collecting dust, hah.
glasses which don't enough power for my eyes now.
chocolate, the cone-shaped kind with pink tips and brown bottoms. brought by my parents from their trip to hokaido.
aerobics classes schedule taped to the closet.
boombox, for dancing, for jazz, for classical, for jay chow, and of course, for japanese.
chopsticks my roommate gave me because i always forget to take the disposable ones when i buy instant noodles.
an hp printer lying around unused, because i'm too lazy to get it to work.
pocky, "deluxe" version, it's mousse-flavored.
directory of our group in the christian fellowship, also taped to closet.
a pink alarm clock, bought impulsively while shopping with some japanese people.
the white basket i bring with me to the bathroom every morning and night, bought for that stanford camp and still kept well.
index cards for japanese vocabulary words, that i later found to be too time-consuming and inefficient.
cal bear, for warmth, for reminder, for softness.
a receipt from a time i tried to study at mcdonalds but instead, ended up writing a poem all over that small, rectangular, otherwise ignored piece of paper.
copies of the play i'm supposed to be directing in my english class.
dried flowers.
two hairbrushes, one regular and the other round.
lime green plastic blinds.
unoped pack of yellow hard candies shaped like tiny slices of lemon, with a note still attached to the bag, from the wylie-parallel.
tiffany open heart.
mosquito spray.
"you have 4 missed calls."
now that's all fine and dandy. but what if you discover that you're wearing masks in front of yourself? frankly, i find the over-used and under-interpreted phrase, "look within yourself" to be very funny. just which one are they talking about? what color, shape, size, or even price range? the spring line or the fall line? or maybe the swimsuit edition?
sometimes i find shopping to be quite addicting.
people lie when they don't want to reveal the truth to the person they're talking to. that is assuming that liars know what the truth is. and what if you don't know the truth? is what you're doing still called "lying" or is it.. hypothesizing? or maybe you're providing examples? drawing one out of the many to talk about.. because you certainly can't leave the conversation just hanging there in midair. at least not with some people.
i see i've reached a dead end. therefore i will start an inventory of the things i see around me.
box of tissues, because free toilet paper deserves an "ooh" here.
japanese tapes, one titled "everyday listening in 50 days" collecting dust, hah.
glasses which don't enough power for my eyes now.
chocolate, the cone-shaped kind with pink tips and brown bottoms. brought by my parents from their trip to hokaido.
aerobics classes schedule taped to the closet.
boombox, for dancing, for jazz, for classical, for jay chow, and of course, for japanese.
chopsticks my roommate gave me because i always forget to take the disposable ones when i buy instant noodles.
an hp printer lying around unused, because i'm too lazy to get it to work.
pocky, "deluxe" version, it's mousse-flavored.
directory of our group in the christian fellowship, also taped to closet.
a pink alarm clock, bought impulsively while shopping with some japanese people.
the white basket i bring with me to the bathroom every morning and night, bought for that stanford camp and still kept well.
index cards for japanese vocabulary words, that i later found to be too time-consuming and inefficient.
cal bear, for warmth, for reminder, for softness.
a receipt from a time i tried to study at mcdonalds but instead, ended up writing a poem all over that small, rectangular, otherwise ignored piece of paper.
copies of the play i'm supposed to be directing in my english class.
dried flowers.
two hairbrushes, one regular and the other round.
lime green plastic blinds.
unoped pack of yellow hard candies shaped like tiny slices of lemon, with a note still attached to the bag, from the wylie-parallel.
tiffany open heart.
mosquito spray.
"you have 4 missed calls."
12.05.2003
12.01.2003
i took the advanced (126 q's) one..
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
Conscious self | Overall self |
 |  |
11.30.2003
updates which aren't really
*whew* only one word can describe the last couple of weeks: BUSY.
i'd like to explain "with what?" but that requires going into a lot of other details and things that you just won't understand unless you were taiwanese. so in order not to bore you, i have simply decided to group them all under the huge, indefinite, vague, somewhat abstract category of: interactions.
yup.
so i came online JUST now to read all of your wonderful posts about/around the time of thanksgiving!! yikes i can't believe i completely forgot about that holiday while i'm here! well i admit, i'm a just a tad bit jealous that everyone gets to see everyone while i get to see only a little bit of people when i go back (see dates below). and i will be able to see all the corners of the hexagon EXCEPT CHARLTON YOU BIG DORK!!!!!!! we will just have to form our own little pentagon without you! hmph! (well actually, you all formed all kinds of polygons without me this thanksgiving so.. *sniff*)
i really do miss you all very much though. and i thank god for whoever invented blogger (or the first form of online diary) because your posts are one of the only things which keep me relatively "american." i miss tapX and the hexagon and chilling at starbucks and buying six mcchickens all at once and lounging around on tangy's soft couch and weird green russian beverages and squealing and being skanky but not slutty and chubbi (!) and louduck and buying pudding at yoshinoya and make-overs and lollicup's good chicken + cranky lady and christimas lights in the trees and blasting the radio in the car and being the third wife and and and and so much more..
the closer friends i have here have seen some pictures of me with you guys. they said that when they look at the pictures and hear my explanations of the hexagon and others, it seems as if i have taken them into another world that i used to live in.
i miss that world a lot.
eagerly awaiting January 28. oh btw, i have achieved to do 90% of my thinking in chinese now. and i can understand about 20% of simple japanese shows (i.e. totoro). ^_^V
i'd like to explain "with what?" but that requires going into a lot of other details and things that you just won't understand unless you were taiwanese. so in order not to bore you, i have simply decided to group them all under the huge, indefinite, vague, somewhat abstract category of: interactions.
yup.
so i came online JUST now to read all of your wonderful posts about/around the time of thanksgiving!! yikes i can't believe i completely forgot about that holiday while i'm here! well i admit, i'm a just a tad bit jealous that everyone gets to see everyone while i get to see only a little bit of people when i go back (see dates below). and i will be able to see all the corners of the hexagon EXCEPT CHARLTON YOU BIG DORK!!!!!!! we will just have to form our own little pentagon without you! hmph! (well actually, you all formed all kinds of polygons without me this thanksgiving so.. *sniff*)
i really do miss you all very much though. and i thank god for whoever invented blogger (or the first form of online diary) because your posts are one of the only things which keep me relatively "american." i miss tapX and the hexagon and chilling at starbucks and buying six mcchickens all at once and lounging around on tangy's soft couch and weird green russian beverages and squealing and being skanky but not slutty and chubbi (!) and louduck and buying pudding at yoshinoya and make-overs and lollicup's good chicken + cranky lady and christimas lights in the trees and blasting the radio in the car and being the third wife and and and and so much more..
the closer friends i have here have seen some pictures of me with you guys. they said that when they look at the pictures and hear my explanations of the hexagon and others, it seems as if i have taken them into another world that i used to live in.
i miss that world a lot.
eagerly awaiting January 28. oh btw, i have achieved to do 90% of my thinking in chinese now. and i can understand about 20% of simple japanese shows (i.e. totoro). ^_^V
11.25.2003
11.22.2003
11.19.2003
11.17.2003
one boot two boot red boot blue boot
i like boots.
i love my boots.
i love wearing my boots.
i like other boots as well.
i want to buy boots.
i would like to wear other boots.
i love boots.
:D
p.s. knowing the metaphorical style in which i write many "vague" *ahem* entries, this is a note to the reader that this entry should be taken completely literally. I LOVE BOOTS, ok? :)
i love my boots.
i love wearing my boots.
i like other boots as well.
i want to buy boots.
i would like to wear other boots.
i love boots.
:D
p.s. knowing the metaphorical style in which i write many "vague" *ahem* entries, this is a note to the reader that this entry should be taken completely literally. I LOVE BOOTS, ok? :)
11.16.2003
anniversary, etc.
i seem to always be around people. not that being around people is bad, but i want one of those "alone" days again. where i go through the entire day without interacting with a single person, and by the end i can actually hear myself again. but that's not possible here. i'm annoyed. i'm not allowed to be antisocial!
last midterm tomorrow.. headache problem is getting better. busy week coming up. oh yes last weekend was NTU's 75th anniversary. after the big speech/ceremony there was something like tino's clubs day, but extended and expanded. anyway, i got to dress up in a kimono-like costume for the anniversary because we were "showgirls" trying to sell the mochi and paper dolls we made. here's the link to the pictures site, but again, it's not mine. please excuse my strange expression in the first picture - i had something in my shoe and i couldn't get rid of it with gloves on. the day was a huge success, we sold out before it ended!
mm.. tired.. must study..
last midterm tomorrow.. headache problem is getting better. busy week coming up. oh yes last weekend was NTU's 75th anniversary. after the big speech/ceremony there was something like tino's clubs day, but extended and expanded. anyway, i got to dress up in a kimono-like costume for the anniversary because we were "showgirls" trying to sell the mochi and paper dolls we made. here's the link to the pictures site, but again, it's not mine. please excuse my strange expression in the first picture - i had something in my shoe and i couldn't get rid of it with gloves on. the day was a huge success, we sold out before it ended!
mm.. tired.. must study..
11.14.2003
hollow
after that chinese test (the ancient chinese literature one), i think i proved to myself that i haven't been doing what i came all the way here to do. i wish i wasn't so concerned with "it" and i would just give it a rest but i can't. is this really the direction i should be searching in?
i feel lost all over again. what am i doing here?
i feel lost all over again. what am i doing here?
11.05.2003
ego
it's really hard not to become egotistic in NTU. people here think "oh my gosh you go to the best school in taiwan you must know EVERYTHING." but that's not true at all. and comparisons within the school STILL exist, even though NTU is the one school every taiwanese high schooler wants to get into. it's not even like, "oh i like this school's blahblah program." it's just, "NTU has the best everything." but still, this creates many misconceptions and makes some students of NTU think that they have already "conquered" knowledge in their lives.
and yet even NTU students are still comparing with other majors that have better or worse scores. like if you say you're a law major, students of NTU would go "ooh" as opposed to if you were, say, a libarary management majors (translation?) student. and even WITHIN the major there is still comparisons, because the roster is ordered by scores, the best being at the top. so that guy (my big "sister") who would have gotten into law is #1, and everyone worships him. it's this icky obsession with the numbers game.
and yet even with all this "NTU is #1" kind of attitude that everyone holds here, when people find out that i would have gone to berkeley if i didn't come here, they still go "oooh." so i don't really understand - the BEST school in taiwan is much much better than a pretty good school in america? how are they evaluating this? and yet it seems to be the unanimous decision. i just don't get it. everyone wants to go outside.
anyway, back to my topic of egotism. even tutoring jobs. the hourly rate of hiring an NTU student as a tutor is about three times as much than the average college student. people here are already making more money than other people of the same age group from the moment they step onto the campus! all of this add to the big egos some NTU students ALREADY have when they found out they got in. it's just a big shining road of arrogance ahead of us. and it's not even valid. there is so much for us to explore we can't begin to say we're the best, so it's worse than arrogance - it's ignorance.
and yet even NTU students are still comparing with other majors that have better or worse scores. like if you say you're a law major, students of NTU would go "ooh" as opposed to if you were, say, a libarary management majors (translation?) student. and even WITHIN the major there is still comparisons, because the roster is ordered by scores, the best being at the top. so that guy (my big "sister") who would have gotten into law is #1, and everyone worships him. it's this icky obsession with the numbers game.
and yet even with all this "NTU is #1" kind of attitude that everyone holds here, when people find out that i would have gone to berkeley if i didn't come here, they still go "oooh." so i don't really understand - the BEST school in taiwan is much much better than a pretty good school in america? how are they evaluating this? and yet it seems to be the unanimous decision. i just don't get it. everyone wants to go outside.
anyway, back to my topic of egotism. even tutoring jobs. the hourly rate of hiring an NTU student as a tutor is about three times as much than the average college student. people here are already making more money than other people of the same age group from the moment they step onto the campus! all of this add to the big egos some NTU students ALREADY have when they found out they got in. it's just a big shining road of arrogance ahead of us. and it's not even valid. there is so much for us to explore we can't begin to say we're the best, so it's worse than arrogance - it's ignorance.
11.04.2003
past, present, future
i was browsing some old blog posts of mine.. came across the link to the webpage which told me i had gotten into NTU japanese. i looked at it again just now, but somehow, although all the coding itself never changed, the page looked different to me. it seemed more.. artifact-like? familiar. an "i told you so." it was proof of my first moment of betrayal.
yes, the page is still up after all this time. it seemed as if after the big hype of who got into what, they just left the page there to rot by itself. looking at my own name, written in both chinese and english, and seeing "National Taiwan University" next to it, i remembered the first thought that came to mind when i saw it all.. i remember it distinctly, it struck me like lightening at that crucial moment. from the very first second my mind was made aware of the fact that i had gotten in, i immediately thought,
i'm going to taiwan.
it wasn't an enthusiastic "ooh yay i'm going to taiwan!" or a dreaded "oh my gosh.. i'm going to taiwan?" or a surprised, "what? i'm going to taiwan?" it was just plainly, "i'm going to taiwan." knowing in the back of my head that it wasn't going to be business but neither was it going to be berkeley. it was always something i didn't expect. no, something i didn't want to expect. and yet i knew i wanted to come back here. despite.. all the things i had come to love about america.
so why am i thinking about this all over again? why do i keep thinking about it? i think it's because i'm always going to wonder, what if i had stayed at berkeley? but you know, i'm happy here. and perhaps i would have been even happier had i gone to cal. but i guess if you can't predict the future, you also can't predict an alternate past.
and now the difficult task lies ahead of me. without forgetting, no i'm not going to forget, but without forgetting, i'm going to let go. because i've been holding on too tight. you can't grab something else when you've got your hands full.
you're always going to be my sweet tap water.
yes, the page is still up after all this time. it seemed as if after the big hype of who got into what, they just left the page there to rot by itself. looking at my own name, written in both chinese and english, and seeing "National Taiwan University" next to it, i remembered the first thought that came to mind when i saw it all.. i remember it distinctly, it struck me like lightening at that crucial moment. from the very first second my mind was made aware of the fact that i had gotten in, i immediately thought,
i'm going to taiwan.
it wasn't an enthusiastic "ooh yay i'm going to taiwan!" or a dreaded "oh my gosh.. i'm going to taiwan?" or a surprised, "what? i'm going to taiwan?" it was just plainly, "i'm going to taiwan." knowing in the back of my head that it wasn't going to be business but neither was it going to be berkeley. it was always something i didn't expect. no, something i didn't want to expect. and yet i knew i wanted to come back here. despite.. all the things i had come to love about america.
so why am i thinking about this all over again? why do i keep thinking about it? i think it's because i'm always going to wonder, what if i had stayed at berkeley? but you know, i'm happy here. and perhaps i would have been even happier had i gone to cal. but i guess if you can't predict the future, you also can't predict an alternate past.
and now the difficult task lies ahead of me. without forgetting, no i'm not going to forget, but without forgetting, i'm going to let go. because i've been holding on too tight. you can't grab something else when you've got your hands full.
you're always going to be my sweet tap water.
rneycdtep
images unseen
voices unheard
don't let the line unravel
tied up is better.
you can swim in the air
walk on water
and fly to the end of the earth
on the day that
tap water becomes sweet.
find a place
for nestling
fall backwards
expect to hit it hard
and crack your skull open
trampoline
arms
sticks and leaves
empty space.
keep falling
nothing spilled out yet.
voices unheard
don't let the line unravel
tied up is better.
you can swim in the air
walk on water
and fly to the end of the earth
on the day that
tap water becomes sweet.
find a place
for nestling
fall backwards
expect to hit it hard
and crack your skull open
trampoline
arms
sticks and leaves
empty space.
keep falling
nothing spilled out yet.