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Who do you matched up with in Sanrio? Find out here!

wanna see charlton's wildest fantasy? hehehhe :P

sorry tangy!! ^_____^||

sometimes when we find something so good, so completely satisfying, something we feel we can devote ourselves to, we get scared and back away. because we are afraid. afraid of becoming dependent. afraid we will lose control. afraid we will never be able to separate ourselves from it. afraid we will become like vines clinging to a dead wall. afraid we will become nothing without it. afraid of change. afraid of attachment.

so we push it away, as far as possible, both physically and mentally. we think that as long as we did fine by ourselves before, we will be perfectly fine alone again.

but even a mere flower that you plant in the soil.. if you want to pluck it out, roots and all, not only will it die, but it will also leave an unpleasant hole in the ground, where the roots once were. so what do we do? we convince ourselves that even if we were to leave it there to live, the flower will eventually die anyway. so what difference does it make, whether it dies now or later? might as well hang it upside down and let it dry while it's still blooming, let it forever stay in our memories, as a flower that was once beautiful.

and so we go back to being alone.

being the hopelessly sentimental idiot that i am, i hope that by crying as much as possible now while i'm alone in my own room, i will be able to gather up the courage later on, when i have to face things i don't want to face. by then, the tears will be dry, and there will be no more left to shed. and i will have created a callus in my own mind, so that i will be strong enough to do what i know i have to do.

i remember in minority report, as leo (is that his name?) was about to kill the guy who he thought kidnapped his kid, agatha shouted to him, "you still have a choice! no one has seen the future!"

but i also remember as they said in matrix, "you have already made your decision. now you must understand it."

i don't think the above two are mutually exclusive, in fact, i think they both apply. and as long as we're quoting from movies, Yoda also once said, "Do... or do not. There is no try." that i believe i have lived by in the past, and will continue to live by it no matter where i go.

to achieve great things one must turn one's face toward the future, keep running toward the goal and keep in mind the "big picture." but to begin to truly understand oneself, one must reflect upon the past and always keep in mind the little things. those are what life is made of. it's cliche, i know, deal with it.

and in closing, i leave you with the lyrics of the song which prompted this particular entry.

Remember the first day when I saw your face
remember the first day when you smiled at me
you stepped to me and you said to me
I was the woman you dreamed about
remember the first day when you called my house
remember the first day when you took me out
we had butterflies although we tried to hide
and we both had a beautiful night

Remember the first day, the first day we kissed
remember the first day we had an argument
we apologized and then we compromised
and we haven't argued since
remember the first day we stopped playing games
remember the first day you fell in love with me
it felt so good for you to say those words
cause I felt the same way too

The way we held each others hand
the way we talked the way we laughed
it felt so good to find true love
and I knew right then and there you were the one

I know that he loves me cause he told me so
I know that he loves me cause his feelings show
when he stares at me you see that he cares for me
you see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause it's obvious
I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts
and he's missing me if he's not kissing me
and when he looks at me his brown eyes tell his soul

i'm so happy so happy that you're in my life
and baby now that you're a part of me
you showed me
showed me the true meaning of love
and i know he loves me

He looks at me and his brown eyes tell his soul

destiny's child - brown eyes

let everything be put on hold. please.

finding nemo was soooo cute!!!! XD and i saw kai, richard, and steve there. it's funny, i know all three of them through three different channels, and yet they all know each other! kai as christina's cousin, richard from cys, and steve from tino. hehe.


What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

hehehe thanks angela ^_^


EVERYTHING : You belong in a small percentage of Asian females who are an all-round-little-bit-of-everything group. You don't have an accent, but you can speak your own language a little too. You shop at many stores including Forever 21, Rave, and Abercrombie. You own several pairs of platforms and those cute neon colored thongs. Stop being indecisive.


What Asian Girl Are You?
VISIT HTTP://JEALOUSY.TK

so much to say...

but how?

*wipes sweat from eyebrows*

alas, it is done. see charlton, i have accommodated for your painful eyeball syndrome by changing the text color from white to dark blue. although i DID have some difficulty deciding between #3366CC and #003366. hehe (this is 003366, if you would care to know). i have a feeling this layout won't last for a long time though, because the tagboard just annoys the heck out of me. oh and say byebye to quizzies! anyway, tada! now i can finally go to sleep..

testing for layout.

spent the whole afternoon helping my dad plan shore excursions for the cruise to alaska. looking forward to it!! and they have aerobics classes too!! *eeee*

*yawn* stayed up to look at more layouts.. they added more! but apparently a lot of sites are under "hiatus" so i had to delete some old layout links.. ;*( anyway if you're as bored as i am, knock yourself out:

1. like an angel - very pink, very girly, very.. submissive

2. spin with me - haha i love these weird titles.. this is also very girlish

3. melancholy mood - i liked it cuz it reminded me of when i was a latch-key kid. hehe.

4. busy day - a non anime layout that is just too cute. XD

5. family album - i like it. reminds me of schindler's list.

6. tea time - slightly resembles my current layout (since it's also from little red fox design). a little too green though.

7. angelic illusions - this is a past layout of a real site. very gray, maybe i'd prefer more color?

8. waiting for you - *tada!* this is the one i will most likely use. i just love it. love love love. and i like how you never see her face, so you're always kinda wondering what she looks like, and why she won't turn around.. finally, a semi anime layout that doesn't focus on girls having a pretty face. and i like the blue color. if only it was a little wider though.. she kinda reminds me of myself because she's always looking away..

ok going to sleep. zZZzzzZZz...

my parents and i set a date. by then, i will have made a final decision.

july 4.

i wanna change my template again. *grin*

this isn't feudalism. let's break the social caste system already. whoever programmed that in our minds must have wanted us to have a blind spot, so that our perception of our social contacts are filtered first by this social caste system that's just all in our heads anyway. until we are able to peel away that film of prejudice from our eyes (and no, if you haven't already figured it out yet, this isn't about racism), we can't really see people for who they are. we only see an image of the neat little category they represent. a category we created for ourselves in our own minds.

i'm not saying i don't make this same mistake. i do. but i'd hope i'm making some sort of progress. i want to see people. not their categories.

exuberantWaWa: i wish men were like computers
milanogirl5: hahahahahahahaha
exuberantWaWa: and you can program something
exuberantWaWa: and make them think the way you want them to think
exuberantWaWa: and you can shut them down when they get annoying
exuberantWaWa: and maybe have a screen saver to keep them busy while you're off with other computers
exuberantWaWa: and you can upgrade them!
exuberantWaWa: haha that would be shelley's utopia
exuberantWaWa: THAT would definitely make me wanna do eecs, no question
milanogirl5: lol!!!!!11
milanogirl5: hahaha
milanogirl5: that would be gREat 8-)

haha it's strange how i feel like sometimes there's this eerie silence in the house.. as if we all know what the other one's thinking, and The Question is just on the tip of our tongues. my mom awkwardly asked me what stage i was in, about the taiwan decision.. and i answered (in chinese, of course), i'm deciding which hemisphere of my brain i like better. if i like the right hemisphere, i will go to taiwan, if i like the left, then cal. hehe if i go back to taiwan, then no more math for me!!! :D

funny how the most random things can suddenly remind you of certain poems that have made a "dent" in your mind...

Sorting Laundry
Elisavietta Ritchie


Folding clothes,
I think of folding you
into my life.

Our king-sized sheets
like tablecloths
for the banquets of giants,

pillowcases, despite so many
washings, seams still holding our dreams.

Towels patterned orange and green,
flowered pink and lavender,
gaudy, bought on sale,

reserved, we said, for the beach,
refusing, even after years,
to bleach into respectability.

So many shirts and skirts and pants
recycling week after week, head over heels
recapitulating themselves.

All those wrinkles
to be smoothed, or else
ignored; they�re in style.

Myriad uncoupled socks
which went paired into the foam
like those creatures in the ark.

And what�s shrunk
is tough to discard
even for Goodwill.

In pockets, surprises:
forgotten matches,
lost screws clinking on enamel;

paper clips, whatever they held
between shiny jaws, no
dissolved or clogging the drain;

well-washed dollars, legal tender
for all debts public and private,
intact despite agitation;

and, gleaming in the maelstrom,
one bright dime,
broken necklace of good gold

you brought from Kuwait,
the strangely tailored shirt
left by a former lover. . . .

If you were to leave me,
if I were to fold
only my own clothes,

the convexes and concaves
of my blouses, panties, stockings, bras
turned upon themselves,

a mountain of unsorted wash
could not fill
the empty side of the bed.

oh my gosh!!! guess who got a xanga?

DENNIS!!! >:O the last person on earth to even read xangas, let alone make one. and he didn't even TELL me, i had to read it from his profile. everyone go and make angry faces on his xanga for his not using blogger, which is infinitely superior to xangas.

chrissy wrote on her blog that she realized how much she changed by looking at her old archived blogs. so i looked at her archives too. and then i started looking at my archives. guess what i came across.. here is my post on July 8, 2002, pasted here:

ah.. a nostalgic moment. it's summer.. time for vacations. if i could choose to be anywhere in the world right now, i would, as always, choose taipei. how could i ever forget such a place...

..where the perfectly colored fake grass feels prickly against your skin
..where the only time you'll see so many neighbors together is when the garbage truck plays the tune "fur elise"
..where every 7-11 sells tea leaf eggs
..where it's not surprising to buy pearl milk tea for 50 cents
..where "the party's only begun" at 12 AM
..where the closest you can get to breathing clean air is if you drove up to a mountain
..where it's common to have to go through four different keys in order to get inside your tiny apartment, right across the laundromat with that scary looking guy staring at you all the time
..where the "mayonaise" is translucent!
..where people parallel park by bumping a little bit into the car in front and behind them
..where you fall asleep to the sounds of motorcycles zooming by down below
..where people express their height in centimeters, weight in kilograms, and the temperature in celsius, and no one finds it odd
..where father's day is on august 8th, becuz it's pronounced ba-ba jie
..where you can catch lively creatures such as cockroaches and mice on these sticky boards you put in your kitchen, and you can poke them and they squirm
..where people know what you're talking about when you say you play the electone
..where food served in dingy little stands on the street can taste sooooo much better than that served in a fancy restaurant
..where every girls' socks have cute lil designs on them (do they even SELL plain white socks??)
..where i can walk the streets and remember details about what i used to do or say or feel in a certain place.. who i used to be with.. what secrets i kept after all these years.. where the boy who had a crush on me followed me all the way home that afternoon.. the breakfast i could ALWAYS wake up to.. the shopping malls where i used to throw temper tantrums becuz i couldn't get something.. the lady in the market who always sold us yiang-le-duo.. the people my mom always haggled with.. ah.. so many memories.. and they say i won't go back to taiwan for college? who knows...

but if you're reading this, i'm so glad i moved here, becuz i met you!! ^_^

isn't that strange?? i mean.. the way my thought process worked. yes it is true that i definitely want to go back to those things, back to taiwan, my homeland, my roots, my mothership, whatever the heck you wanna call it. but i can just as easily write something like that about tino. but then again, of course my college decision shouldn't be based on petty little details like that.. but i'm so confused. those "petty little details" and "minor characters," aren't they what makes the plot of life interesting?

have you noticed that "yay" and "wow" are both spelled the same forwards and backwards? isn't that fascinating?? XD what is it with us humans and the english expressions of exclamation..