so chrissy says i haven't been doing "normal" blogging. >"< ok here is some "normal-ness"
it's sunday night. tomorrow's monday. start of another busy week. why is it that it seems like i never have enough time for anything?! i hate being busy i hate being busy i hate busy i hate busy i hate busy!!!!
this is me ---> /"\(>_<)/"\ "stopppp!!!!!!!!!"
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. hrm.. i look very fat in this picture.
well the good thing is that i have been getting plenty of sleep. and my face is whiter now!! hahahahahah XD. yeah yeah i know i'm conforming to the whole "white is beautiful" but..
i'm whiter! *^______^*
the apt is almost ready now. after much wiping ad sweeping and hauling and unboxing and assembling... *wipes sweat from eyebrows* taking care of a house is a lot of work!! especially if you're not quite living in it yet.. but! i will be able to move in this week i think? :D of course, i'll still be going back to my dorm room at certain times in the day, so that i don't have to travel back and forth and most importantly, i can still take naps. XD yay yay yay. but i'm so glad to be able to have certain luxuries (that never were luxuries back in high school of course) such as HAVING YOUR OWN BATHROOM!!! hehe and a REAL bed with like.. springs!! ^o^
mm.. what else has been going on? i'd really like to go to berkeley during summer, if i can, for classes. but i'm awkwardly kind of a "visiting domestic student" AND "visiting international student." is a definition of intnl. student one who doesn't have a u.s.a. passport? hrm.. @_@ and i don't really know exactly what classes i want to take.. what if i forget all my japanese! but i don't know if i want to learn japanese in english, seeing as how i'm finally almost adjusted to learning in chinese sorta. but all this is under the assumption that i can GET IN in the first place. what with my grades and all.. ack. my average is 80 pts. which is i guess a B average? blahhhh..... :*(
k i'd better get to studying.. so.. much.. studying.............. and i conclude by giving you a very very very good song. :)
梁靜茹 - 為我好
才知道 你臉上的微笑
不是幸福代表 是種不自在的禮貌
才知道 感情已經動搖
我一直被誤導 是你還不願意揭曉
太多小煩惱 怪我們不懂得拋
太多的問號 答案也都不必找
只換來疲勞 忘了要一起變老
為何要無話可說 才懂沉默比爭吵難熬
為何會在恨消失後 愛還是挽回不了
為何要在疼愛我的時候 才對我說離開我
都是為我好
2.29.2004
2.25.2004
don't lie to me
maybe there is no meaning in it anymore.
i think certain types of music, however repetitive they can be, might be able to help me rediscover passion. what i want isn't just strong feelings. i need.. wildness, desire, craziness, unruly, hair-messily-sticking-on-face-with-beads-of-sweat-dripping-down kind of passion. call it unorthodox. improper. whatever. things need to be heated back up again.
i think certain types of music, however repetitive they can be, might be able to help me rediscover passion. what i want isn't just strong feelings. i need.. wildness, desire, craziness, unruly, hair-messily-sticking-on-face-with-beads-of-sweat-dripping-down kind of passion. call it unorthodox. improper. whatever. things need to be heated back up again.
2.24.2004
mind
sometimes i really hate that my head is working properly. i hate my rationality. i hate being sensible. i don't want to reason out something that wasn't meant to be offered an explanation. sometimes i feel like the little passion i show is playacting. but inside, it's cold. nothing can melt it. it can only be chopped up. and maybe if the blade moves fast enough it can begin to liquefy. but even then, it will still be ice-cold.
have i ever truly felt anything? i doubt it... maybe at the moment, i can make myself believe i feel it. but then take away the background image and the costumes and all the props, and it's back to.. normal? reality? without the lighting and the music, it's as if the emotions never existed. it's scary.
and maybe that's why i want to be around you. you give me feeling. even if they are pin pricks.
have i ever truly felt anything? i doubt it... maybe at the moment, i can make myself believe i feel it. but then take away the background image and the costumes and all the props, and it's back to.. normal? reality? without the lighting and the music, it's as if the emotions never existed. it's scary.
and maybe that's why i want to be around you. you give me feeling. even if they are pin pricks.
2.23.2004
freedom or enslavement?
freedom to deteriorate
freedom to fall
freedom to be immoral
freedom to lack discipline
freedom to be frowned upon
freedom to disobey
freedom to lack virtue
freedom to self-indulge
"everything in moderation."
everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.
freedom to fall
freedom to be immoral
freedom to lack discipline
freedom to be frowned upon
freedom to disobey
freedom to lack virtue
freedom to self-indulge
"everything in moderation."
everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.
2.18.2004
the tiffany song :D
梁靜如 - Tiffany
怎麼回事 突然會
在意起自己 左手的無名指
需要裝飾 些什麼
難道要我提示 情人節不用慶祝
現在我想要 那另一種幸福
櫥窗裡那一只銀白色Tiffany的戒指
天使說戴著它就會 得到祝福
說再多要冷靜三思也不能 阻止
我只想在紅色地毯 跟他跳舞
OH∼我願意
這一句話不停的練習
午後的 那道陽光
對著我說不想繼續遊蕩
多自由 也比不上
鋪滿紅玫瑰的白色禮堂
我知道 愛的形狀
就在無名指的那個地方
閉上雙眼 只是想像
穿上禮服自己的模樣
傻傻看著那櫥窗
夢在裡面發光
怎麼回事 突然會
在意起自己 左手的無名指
需要裝飾 些什麼
難道要我提示 情人節不用慶祝
現在我想要 那另一種幸福
櫥窗裡那一只銀白色Tiffany的戒指
天使說戴著它就會 得到祝福
說再多要冷靜三思也不能 阻止
我只想在紅色地毯 跟他跳舞
OH∼我願意
這一句話不停的練習
午後的 那道陽光
對著我說不想繼續遊蕩
多自由 也比不上
鋪滿紅玫瑰的白色禮堂
我知道 愛的形狀
就在無名指的那個地方
閉上雙眼 只是想像
穿上禮服自己的模樣
傻傻看著那櫥窗
夢在裡面發光
2.17.2004
2.14.2004
classes
too lazy to post up my schedule, which is not particularly interesting anyway. but i have 27 hours of class each week! that's 25 units, which is the maximum. and still i seem to be taking only the classes i absolutely should take. and i don't even have math!!
second semester starts monday. i hope i can do better than the last one.
second semester starts monday. i hope i can do better than the last one.
2.11.2004
saw this on peter's blog. you guys thought i don't read the blogs on my list, didn'tcha! hohoho.. this is good:
I asked for Strength...
And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom...
And God gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity...
And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Courage...
And God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love...
And God gave me Troubled people to help.
I asked for Favors...
And God gave me Opportunities.
I received nothing I Wanted...
I received
everything I Needed.
I asked for Strength...
And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom...
And God gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity...
And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Courage...
And God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love...
And God gave me Troubled people to help.
I asked for Favors...
And God gave me Opportunities.
I received nothing I Wanted...
I received
everything I Needed.
round 19
why are human relationships sometimes so difficult to manage? we each bring our own baggage when we meet, and depending on the circumstances, some of us take on other people's baggages, and some of us relieve our burdens. i still have a lot to learn about people in general..
money issues have been bugging me lately as well. having spent the last nine years (and very important years) of my life in wealthy, protected, clean silicon valley, i seem to have been a bit out of touch with the "real world?" yes, monetary comparisons will always exist in life. you can keep running like a rat to try to keep up with the thompsons, or you can be constantly grateful that you have the opportunity to do certain things that are just out of reach without the access to large amounts of money. it's not just the glass half full or half empty question. it's the simple fact that no matter where you stand, there will always be people above and below you. sometimes, it's about more than just how you view your circumstances. it's also about how to handle and manipulate the situation in a way that anyone who stands to try to judge you can be silenced. theoretically, what comes out of their mouth should not affect you. but if you plan to get anywhere in a society which is built on human connections, especially business-wise, you must learn to be harmonious. if it's not an intimate relationship, it should at least be a beneficial (some would say useful or practical) one, yes? and in these cases, some outer appearances and expressions of opinion DO matter. very much.
it's quite scary, but life seems to be composed of endless rounds of a huge competition. so you just keep running.
money issues have been bugging me lately as well. having spent the last nine years (and very important years) of my life in wealthy, protected, clean silicon valley, i seem to have been a bit out of touch with the "real world?" yes, monetary comparisons will always exist in life. you can keep running like a rat to try to keep up with the thompsons, or you can be constantly grateful that you have the opportunity to do certain things that are just out of reach without the access to large amounts of money. it's not just the glass half full or half empty question. it's the simple fact that no matter where you stand, there will always be people above and below you. sometimes, it's about more than just how you view your circumstances. it's also about how to handle and manipulate the situation in a way that anyone who stands to try to judge you can be silenced. theoretically, what comes out of their mouth should not affect you. but if you plan to get anywhere in a society which is built on human connections, especially business-wise, you must learn to be harmonious. if it's not an intimate relationship, it should at least be a beneficial (some would say useful or practical) one, yes? and in these cases, some outer appearances and expressions of opinion DO matter. very much.
it's quite scary, but life seems to be composed of endless rounds of a huge competition. so you just keep running.
2.03.2004
safely
alas, i have safely arrived in taiwan. slept well on the airport. it's raining in taipei right now...
2.01.2004
byebye
leaving in.. four hours.
i love cupertino. thank you guys for letting me stay with you and driving me everywhere! it was nice seeing you all again.. seeing you guys makes me feel at home. :)
more thoughts on visit later. goodbye tino until summer!
i love cupertino. thank you guys for letting me stay with you and driving me everywhere! it was nice seeing you all again.. seeing you guys makes me feel at home. :)
more thoughts on visit later. goodbye tino until summer!
1.29.2004
thought
"It seems to be absolutely true, that our world, which appears to us the surface of all things, is really the bottom of a deep ocean: all our trees are submarine growths, and we are weird, scaly-clad submarine fauna, feeding ourselves on offal like shrimps. Only occasionally the soul rises gasping through the fathomless fathoms under which we live, far up to the surface of the ether, where there is true air. I am convinced that the air we normally breathe is a kind of water, and men and women are a species of fish.
"But sometimes the soul does come up, shoots like a kittiwake into the light, with ecstasy, after having preyed on the submarine depths. It is our moral destiny, I suppose, to prey upon the ghastly subaqueous life of our fellow men, in the submarine jungle of mankind. But our immortal destiny is to escape, once we have swallowed our swimmy cathch, up again into the bright ether, bursting out from the surface of Old Ocean into right light. Then one realises one's eternal nature."
taken from Lady Chatterley's Lover, D.H. Lawrence.
"But sometimes the soul does come up, shoots like a kittiwake into the light, with ecstasy, after having preyed on the submarine depths. It is our moral destiny, I suppose, to prey upon the ghastly subaqueous life of our fellow men, in the submarine jungle of mankind. But our immortal destiny is to escape, once we have swallowed our swimmy cathch, up again into the bright ether, bursting out from the surface of Old Ocean into right light. Then one realises one's eternal nature."
taken from Lady Chatterley's Lover, D.H. Lawrence.
1.28.2004
survey quizzie thing *RARE*
hah. saw while surfing xangas (darn xanga! switch to blogger!!). apparently you're supposed to copy paste this into your own and bold the things that apply to you.
1. I can not draw.
2. I have strange eating habits.
3. I am currently obsessed with maroon 5
4. I love xanga
5. I just ate a sandwich
6. I am from a house
7. I was born in October.
8. I enjoy reading.
9. I am not on anti-depressents, yet.
10. I bite my nails like a lil bitch
11. I am in love with Johnny Knoxville.
12. I like English class.
13. I've lost/fucked up my cell phone twice.
14. I hope someday I'll find happiness.[dont get enuff of it]
15. I'm about 5'6"
16. I like sports.[some]
17. I am quick witted.
18. I often stare into nothing.
19. I like board games
20. I appreciate gratitude
21. I can usually sleep even when I'm not tired.
22. I am too lazy.
23. I hate the smell of movie popcorn.
24. I constantly procrastinate.
25. I have never done hardcore drugs before.
26. I drink alcohol.
27. I wish I had better grades.
28. I love chocolate.[at times]
29. Stupid people amuse me.[other times they piss me off]
30. I hate when people judge others without knowing them.
31. I love hot chocolate
32. I like *some* kids
33. I hate cabbage.
34. I dress casually.
35. I am judgmental.
36. I don't have a favorite television show.
37. I'm not a senior in high school.
38. I am single.
39. I go to ECR.
40. I like Garlic Bread. [sometimes]
41. I am an optimist.
42. I love winter.[sometimes]
43. I haven't seen Marilyn Manson in concert.
44. I can be harsh.[i think...]
45. It annoys me when people disrespect nature.
46. I am a hypocrite.[somtimes]
47. I wish i could vote in the 2004 presidential election.
48. I am trustworthy.
49. I wish I could play guitar or sing.
50. I want to get my hair cut.
51. The silence after a long discussion when you're trying to think of what to say next is terrible.
52. I burn my own cd's.[sometimes]
53. I am not passive.
54. The best thing about a guy is his personality.
55. I often put others before myself.
56. I hate it when I don't understand what the lyrics of a song mean.
57. My mother is a fucking bitch. [ that's mean]
58. I am currently smoke-free.
59. I'm half korean and half white.
60. Stupid people really confuse me.
61. I like showers.
62. I love surprises.
63. I'm not fond of confrontation.
64. Sometimes I laugh about absolutely nothing.
65. The known makes me uneasy.
66. I am perfectly comfortable with knowing that I will eventually die.
67. I hate cold showers.
68. I speak just to fill silence.[sometimes]
69. I am afraid of not having control over my future.
70. I wish I could visit New York.
71. I like to keep life exciting.
72. I have ran into a tree.
73. I have walked into windows.
74. I like looking at and taking pictures
75. I don't know how to play pool.
76. My favorite sport to watch is basketball.
77. I learn song lyrics quickly.
78. I like candles.
79. I like school sometimes.
80. I am annoyed by phony people.
81. I have studied one language besides English in my life.
82. I don't have a favorite color.[i got more than one]
83. I am avoiding homework, thats why I am doing this.
84. I usually hold doors.
85. I have 1 sister. [do step sisters count?]
86. I don't like when people brag.
87. I had a bad camping experience.
88. I really want to find love.
89. I like people with a really good sense of humor.
90. I like taking my time, yet I'm impatient with others.
91. I was just on the phone.
92. I like color coordinating my clothes.
93. My hair is brown.
94. I have never dyed my hair.
95. I reminisce to myself a lot.
96. I am fond of Dave Matthews Band.
97. I don't know who Saul Williams is.
98. I am not a needy person.
99. My bedroom is always messy.
100. I don't like some fancy jewelry.
1. I can not draw.
2. I have strange eating habits.
3. I am currently obsessed with maroon 5
4. I love xanga
5. I just ate a sandwich
6. I am from a house
7. I was born in October.
8. I enjoy reading.
9. I am not on anti-depressents, yet.
10. I bite my nails like a lil bitch
11. I am in love with Johnny Knoxville.
12. I like English class.
13. I've lost/fucked up my cell phone twice.
14. I hope someday I'll find happiness.[dont get enuff of it]
15. I'm about 5'6"
16. I like sports.[some]
17. I am quick witted.
18. I often stare into nothing.
19. I like board games
20. I appreciate gratitude
21. I can usually sleep even when I'm not tired.
22. I am too lazy.
23. I hate the smell of movie popcorn.
24. I constantly procrastinate.
25. I have never done hardcore drugs before.
26. I drink alcohol.
27. I wish I had better grades.
28. I love chocolate.[at times]
29. Stupid people amuse me.[other times they piss me off]
30. I hate when people judge others without knowing them.
31. I love hot chocolate
32. I like *some* kids
33. I hate cabbage.
34. I dress casually.
35. I am judgmental.
36. I don't have a favorite television show.
37. I'm not a senior in high school.
38. I am single.
39. I go to ECR.
40. I like Garlic Bread. [sometimes]
41. I am an optimist.
42. I love winter.[sometimes]
43. I haven't seen Marilyn Manson in concert.
44. I can be harsh.[i think...]
45. It annoys me when people disrespect nature.
46. I am a hypocrite.[somtimes]
47. I wish i could vote in the 2004 presidential election.
48. I am trustworthy.
49. I wish I could play guitar or sing.
50. I want to get my hair cut.
51. The silence after a long discussion when you're trying to think of what to say next is terrible.
52. I burn my own cd's.[sometimes]
53. I am not passive.
54. The best thing about a guy is his personality.
55. I often put others before myself.
56. I hate it when I don't understand what the lyrics of a song mean.
57. My mother is a fucking bitch. [ that's mean]
58. I am currently smoke-free.
59. I'm half korean and half white.
60. Stupid people really confuse me.
61. I like showers.
62. I love surprises.
63. I'm not fond of confrontation.
64. Sometimes I laugh about absolutely nothing.
65. The known makes me uneasy.
66. I am perfectly comfortable with knowing that I will eventually die.
67. I hate cold showers.
68. I speak just to fill silence.[sometimes]
69. I am afraid of not having control over my future.
70. I wish I could visit New York.
71. I like to keep life exciting.
72. I have ran into a tree.
73. I have walked into windows.
74. I like looking at and taking pictures
75. I don't know how to play pool.
76. My favorite sport to watch is basketball.
77. I learn song lyrics quickly.
78. I like candles.
79. I like school sometimes.
80. I am annoyed by phony people.
81. I have studied one language besides English in my life.
82. I don't have a favorite color.[i got more than one]
83. I am avoiding homework, thats why I am doing this.
84. I usually hold doors.
85. I have 1 sister. [do step sisters count?]
86. I don't like when people brag.
87. I had a bad camping experience.
88. I really want to find love.
89. I like people with a really good sense of humor.
90. I like taking my time, yet I'm impatient with others.
91. I was just on the phone.
92. I like color coordinating my clothes.
93. My hair is brown.
94. I have never dyed my hair.
95. I reminisce to myself a lot.
96. I am fond of Dave Matthews Band.
97. I don't know who Saul Williams is.
98. I am not a needy person.
99. My bedroom is always messy.
100. I don't like some fancy jewelry.
1.27.2004
wow
oh my gosh.. i think this is what we will be performing around mid-march.. it's where the entire japanese major puts on a whole bunch of performances (every major in NTU does this freshman year).
can you say FOB?
alright so i admit it.. i do think it's kind of cute. ^^;;
can you say FOB?
alright so i admit it.. i do think it's kind of cute. ^^;;
1.25.2004
bullet points
today was fun. went to san francisco and guess what? ate CRABS!!!! *^____^* i don't know why eating crabs make me so happy. i don't have to repeat what we did because you can now read it on xtina's blog. but some highlights:
- "candid" pictures
- every asian guy has a black jacket
- shoulder types
- 3 for $25.. meaning if i get two, i get one free?!
- "let's count the piers!"
- the crab's claw helping itself get eaten (by me)
- what did you get at jcrew? "what you got at VS" um... i don't think so...
- thousand-year-old eggs
- right ear migi no mimi
- finding another size that has become too small..
- comparing femurs, later on finding mine was shorter by two inches
- trotting to catch up every few seconds
- to alex: "spread"
- my habit of taking care of everyone's gifts by buying a whole box of individually wrapped items
- the chinese apron/undergarment fashion show
- "can i have a cup of water?"
- "we'd probably go faster if someone just picked you up and carried you"
- furutsuzeri... oh fruit jelly!!
- i don't think the fish like oatmeal...
there was much more but i should go to sleep now.. in christina's nice big warm comfortable soft bed BECAUSE SHE IS TOO STUBBORN TO LET ME SLEEP ON THE COUCH FOR A CHANGE! heheheheheh... "cramped beds.."
on an ending note for me to ponder upon.. do we determine our environments or do our environments determine us?
- "candid" pictures
- every asian guy has a black jacket
- shoulder types
- 3 for $25.. meaning if i get two, i get one free?!
- "let's count the piers!"
- the crab's claw helping itself get eaten (by me)
- what did you get at jcrew? "what you got at VS" um... i don't think so...
- thousand-year-old eggs
- right ear migi no mimi
- finding another size that has become too small..
- comparing femurs, later on finding mine was shorter by two inches
- trotting to catch up every few seconds
- to alex: "spread"
- my habit of taking care of everyone's gifts by buying a whole box of individually wrapped items
- the chinese apron/undergarment fashion show
- "can i have a cup of water?"
- "we'd probably go faster if someone just picked you up and carried you"
- furutsuzeri... oh fruit jelly!!
- i don't think the fish like oatmeal...
there was much more but i should go to sleep now.. in christina's nice big warm comfortable soft bed BECAUSE SHE IS TOO STUBBORN TO LET ME SLEEP ON THE COUCH FOR A CHANGE! heheheheheh... "cramped beds.."
on an ending note for me to ponder upon.. do we determine our environments or do our environments determine us?
1.23.2004
alternate
so far i would have to say that this break was nice and very badly-needed.. and it's been interesting seeing what COULD have been. so i guess it wasn't one of those robert-frost-two-roads-diverged-in-a-yellow-wood kind of choices. it was another road which stemmed from the "main road." and now i'm looking at the main road, not from where i left off but at the exact place i would be if i had walked it all along. just for fun, i've been imagining another "shelley" living here, living a berkeley life. imagining the friends i'd make, the classes i'd have trouble in or have fun with, where my hangouts might have been... and it becomes not a matter of regret or no regrets, but just seeing the consequences of your decision playing like a movie in front of you.. see, we don't really get that chance much, to see what would have happend if you made another choice? so i guess i'm lucky. i get to see my non-existent alternate life.