feel so useless.

and here i was, trying to be just like everybody else.

when i was trying to be different, to be unique, i only ended up seeing myself being just like everyone else, trying to be different in the same way. and now i'm trying to be the same as everyone else, only to realize that in the end, i will always be hopelessly, regretfully, different. i don't have to be lonely because of it, but i, and only i, know that i will be apart.

it's even funnier that i'm learning a new language as my major. isn't the process of learning (and then mastering) a language in an environment which doesn't speak that language, a process of making oneself stand apart? because to put it pessimistically, you are always going to be misunderstood. but flip it over and optimistically, i suppose it's that people will never be able to understand you like they do other people.

it's hard being proud of your own unique-ness when it's the source of so many of your troubles.