it may be a bit late, but..
happy thanksgiving everybody! :)
11.27.2004
11.16.2004
wow do people still check this blog?
hey if you still read this give a holler by commenting! i need to decide if i wanna bring this thing back to life... eck.
8.27.2004
new post
it's funny when i choose to turn to this thing.
well, i broke up with him. back to being just.. me. by myself.
actually i kind of forgot who i was. so maybe i should try to find it again. whatever.
well, i broke up with him. back to being just.. me. by myself.
actually i kind of forgot who i was. so maybe i should try to find it again. whatever.
7.14.2004
haha
after a long time away, i'm back mr. blogger! it's not that i didn't want to blog in the month or so that i completely lost touch with you, but i just didn't know what to say because everything that happened has been so uniquely taiwanese!! :D and my english is becoming very very horrible so it is actually a bit embarrassing to post my horrible english out here on my dear bloggie.
anyway, updates! later today i'm going to hong kong with my mom because my VISA is going to expire at the end of this month. we're gonna go watch mamma mia!
what have i been doing lately mr. blog? i've been working at giraffe, half taking care of little kids learning english and half doing admin/receptionist work. here's giraffe's website: www.e-giraffe.com.tw!
and then there's one little secret thing that only chrissy knows about so far.. ^^ hehe but i will tell you mr. blog when the time is ripe. tata!
anyway, updates! later today i'm going to hong kong with my mom because my VISA is going to expire at the end of this month. we're gonna go watch mamma mia!
what have i been doing lately mr. blog? i've been working at giraffe, half taking care of little kids learning english and half doing admin/receptionist work. here's giraffe's website: www.e-giraffe.com.tw!
and then there's one little secret thing that only chrissy knows about so far.. ^^ hehe but i will tell you mr. blog when the time is ripe. tata!
6.19.2004
berkeley
wow long time no post. :(
there's an important test at the end of july that i have to take if i wanna tranfer/double-major, and starting from the beginning of august i have to prep for the freshmen camp activity and start welcoming new freshmen for fellowship. soooo......
i don't think i'm going to berkeley this summer. :( after all those planning and class scheduling and whatnot.
*sigh*
there's an important test at the end of july that i have to take if i wanna tranfer/double-major, and starting from the beginning of august i have to prep for the freshmen camp activity and start welcoming new freshmen for fellowship. soooo......
i don't think i'm going to berkeley this summer. :( after all those planning and class scheduling and whatnot.
*sigh*
5.29.2004
i'm becoming rather unsure on who reads my blog now. nevertheless, what's on here should be ok for everybody to read right? and i mean EVERYBODY.
facing a dilemma lately. ew this keyboard is sticky. anyway.. i seem to have this same problem over and over again! something must be going wrong in my brain for me to make the same mistake time after time. and i'm sure i have some, if not all, free will over these decisions i make. so why does it still happen? almost awe-stricken.
i'm so indecisive. or maybe it's just that i don't have enough faith. what's been happening doesn't exactly give me the faith i so need right now. i'm slipping.. and i can feel it. slipping away from it. slipping out of it. how do you slip out of it? i'm dumbfounded by the entire process, yet it is real, it is happening, it is happening to me.
and yet, i still don't understand it.
很愛很愛你 可是 也...
facing a dilemma lately. ew this keyboard is sticky. anyway.. i seem to have this same problem over and over again! something must be going wrong in my brain for me to make the same mistake time after time. and i'm sure i have some, if not all, free will over these decisions i make. so why does it still happen? almost awe-stricken.
i'm so indecisive. or maybe it's just that i don't have enough faith. what's been happening doesn't exactly give me the faith i so need right now. i'm slipping.. and i can feel it. slipping away from it. slipping out of it. how do you slip out of it? i'm dumbfounded by the entire process, yet it is real, it is happening, it is happening to me.
and yet, i still don't understand it.
很愛很愛你 可是 也...
5.23.2004
rot
maybe this is the way it always ends. yeah.. remember this?
The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here
In this valley of dying stars
In this hollow valley
This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms
In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river
i think it will end. for the first time, i can actually see it happen, like a little video clip being played inside my head. and then it's all over. not with a bang but a whimper.
it wasn't as grand as we thought it was.
here we go round the prickly pear? game over, it's time to go home. what used to be our passions became food leftover, lukewarm, lying lifeless on the table. waiting for itself to rot.
whatever, it wasn't supposed to mean anything in the first place, right? i'm tired..
The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here
In this valley of dying stars
In this hollow valley
This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms
In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river
i think it will end. for the first time, i can actually see it happen, like a little video clip being played inside my head. and then it's all over. not with a bang but a whimper.
it wasn't as grand as we thought it was.
here we go round the prickly pear? game over, it's time to go home. what used to be our passions became food leftover, lukewarm, lying lifeless on the table. waiting for itself to rot.
whatever, it wasn't supposed to mean anything in the first place, right? i'm tired..
5.22.2004
and one more thing..
at NTU they seem to take delight in activities american kids do in elementary school. like they have show-and-tell during english class, and i think a spelling bee is coming up at the end of this month. who knows.
from berkeley to horrid novels written in the tang dynasty (charlton should i hold you partly responsible for this?)
whoa..! i got my student ID and pin number for my berkeley summer session classes, and guess what, they're exactly the same ones i got for when i was admitted to berkeley last year! and everything was still there, like my telebears account and everything!!! except that it said i had no classes, which was the only difference from when i last saw it. HAHA. what irony. and to think, when i clicked the "cancel registration" button i thought i'd never see these blue-and-yellow screens again.
it's funny, i still sort of feel like a berkeley student. i guess maybe somewhere deep down in the sentimental part of me, i still wished i had gone to berkeley? i don't know.. or maybe just knowing that i'd have a college to belong to whenever i go back is a comforting thought on its own. hmm. i love how i have some advantages of a berkeley student and yet, i'm not REALLY a berkeley student. like i have the cal student ID card (although it doesn't work when swiped, i remember last using it to buy bus tickets?). and like i mentioned before, tele-bears. and little things like the aman berkeley schedule planner. and little pieces of tidbits like the better food at crossroads, the rowdier crowd at the units, etc etc. everything makes me feel like i just veered off the right path by not going there.
it's even more annoying now that i have to do a huge chinese project and write an essay about a story written in the tang dynasty. -_____-;; oyyyyy.. the book i found in the library to help me actually looks like.. one of those artifacts you'd dig up. or back in the days when they used to write books using nice caligraphy and connect the pages together by tying it with a rope. and when i read my own writing, it feels like i went back in time to when i was in fourth or fifth grade, my first two years in the states, because it is freakin frustrating trying to express my thoughts exactly. not to mention typing in chinese is an even bigger pain. although i must brag a bit here, that my typing speed is already a lot faster than many of the students here, and THEY have been typing chinese for as long as they could type! muahahhaha... ^o^
*ahem* anyway, someone save me from this horrid, horrid chinese essay i must now go back to... wah.
it's funny, i still sort of feel like a berkeley student. i guess maybe somewhere deep down in the sentimental part of me, i still wished i had gone to berkeley? i don't know.. or maybe just knowing that i'd have a college to belong to whenever i go back is a comforting thought on its own. hmm. i love how i have some advantages of a berkeley student and yet, i'm not REALLY a berkeley student. like i have the cal student ID card (although it doesn't work when swiped, i remember last using it to buy bus tickets?). and like i mentioned before, tele-bears. and little things like the aman berkeley schedule planner. and little pieces of tidbits like the better food at crossroads, the rowdier crowd at the units, etc etc. everything makes me feel like i just veered off the right path by not going there.
it's even more annoying now that i have to do a huge chinese project and write an essay about a story written in the tang dynasty. -_____-;; oyyyyy.. the book i found in the library to help me actually looks like.. one of those artifacts you'd dig up. or back in the days when they used to write books using nice caligraphy and connect the pages together by tying it with a rope. and when i read my own writing, it feels like i went back in time to when i was in fourth or fifth grade, my first two years in the states, because it is freakin frustrating trying to express my thoughts exactly. not to mention typing in chinese is an even bigger pain. although i must brag a bit here, that my typing speed is already a lot faster than many of the students here, and THEY have been typing chinese for as long as they could type! muahahhaha... ^o^
*ahem* anyway, someone save me from this horrid, horrid chinese essay i must now go back to... wah.
5.18.2004
quizzie, just like the old days
Ballet shoes- beautiful, graceful, and creative,
you enjoy dancing writing and music. You are
often very poetic and sometimes dramatic. You
keep to yourself aside from a few close friends
that you can relate to.
What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
5.15.2004
flying from one mutually exclusive thing to another
maybe it's because i know i can't ever become like those kinds of girls that they disgust me so much.
the school year isn't quite ending yet, but i'm already looking back on my first almost-year in taiwan. i've changed a lot. i don't know if it's because of taiwan, or college, or just simply gaining one more year of life experience. the changes are subtle, so subtle i almost didn't think they took place, until i had those talks with my mom.
whenever i'm with "new" people, i can convince myself that this is the way i've always been. but whenever i'm with "old" people, or "always-been" people, i convince myself i haven't changed out of my old ways either.
just like sylvia plath's esther, i am still flying back and forth between two mutually exclusive things. and this i will continue to do. whether i like it or not. and i do like it. i love it.
i love being weird. even if this means that people will start to understand me less and less. not weird as in unsociable. i think i will still keep the socializing part for all its useful and practical purposes, because i'm stupid about useful and practical and efficient things like that. but i feel as if the most real and pure and deepest part of me is starting to detach itself from all these useful and practical daily actions.
someone said, "speak your mind." but who said that is the only thing you should speak? i want to speak other people's minds. or i want to make up people's minds and then speak them. or i want to speak the exact opposite of what i really think. maybe there's some fun in that, too. or maybe i want to change my mind every so often. since i've given up on having people fully understand me (and who would want to be fully understood anyway? that's no fun), i'll do my best to have different people understand different shelleys. perhaps that is an easier task.
perhaps that's what i've always been doing, but only realized it just now. *shrug*
jing di zhe wa. translated literally it means frog of a well. it's used to describe (insultingly) people who have very narrow horizons, people who haven't seen enough and done enough in their lives. (i'm not sure if it includes the meaning of them being content with this lifestyle? maybe..) i'm sure these frogs are happy. i once wished, so very fervently, that i could be in a well and never come out. ignorance is bliss. i wanted to be happy. i wanted to be content. i wanted to never have to wonder if i'm "living it up." but now, having seen certain things in the past year, allow me to boldly (and perhaps, arrogantly) say that i have jumped out of the well.
and i'm not happy, now that my sky doesn't have edges enclosed by the walls of my well. but in a strange, ironic way, i'm happy about the fact that i know i'm not happy. perhaps happy is not an accurate word to describe this emotion. i should say content. i thought my "but.. why?" phase meant that i was not content with all that is given to me and that i kept a questioning mind toward everything i encountered. but now that i look back on it, it seems so naive and pointless and childish. it was only curiosity. curiosity is great, but it doesn't get you anywhere unless you start to search for answers. or unless you start to realize that answers aren't everything.
answers change.
or you can make up your own answers, as long as you look arrogant enough doing it. then they change the answer key and make your arrogant answer the right, standard one. or you can bubble in the answer you know will get you the point, but still maintain your own thoughts on the true answer for yourself.
and no one will ever have to know.
isn't that great? you can get an A+ without answering any of the questions right. as long as you bubbled in the right bubbles.
and no one will ever have to know.
the school year isn't quite ending yet, but i'm already looking back on my first almost-year in taiwan. i've changed a lot. i don't know if it's because of taiwan, or college, or just simply gaining one more year of life experience. the changes are subtle, so subtle i almost didn't think they took place, until i had those talks with my mom.
whenever i'm with "new" people, i can convince myself that this is the way i've always been. but whenever i'm with "old" people, or "always-been" people, i convince myself i haven't changed out of my old ways either.
just like sylvia plath's esther, i am still flying back and forth between two mutually exclusive things. and this i will continue to do. whether i like it or not. and i do like it. i love it.
i love being weird. even if this means that people will start to understand me less and less. not weird as in unsociable. i think i will still keep the socializing part for all its useful and practical purposes, because i'm stupid about useful and practical and efficient things like that. but i feel as if the most real and pure and deepest part of me is starting to detach itself from all these useful and practical daily actions.
someone said, "speak your mind." but who said that is the only thing you should speak? i want to speak other people's minds. or i want to make up people's minds and then speak them. or i want to speak the exact opposite of what i really think. maybe there's some fun in that, too. or maybe i want to change my mind every so often. since i've given up on having people fully understand me (and who would want to be fully understood anyway? that's no fun), i'll do my best to have different people understand different shelleys. perhaps that is an easier task.
perhaps that's what i've always been doing, but only realized it just now. *shrug*
jing di zhe wa. translated literally it means frog of a well. it's used to describe (insultingly) people who have very narrow horizons, people who haven't seen enough and done enough in their lives. (i'm not sure if it includes the meaning of them being content with this lifestyle? maybe..) i'm sure these frogs are happy. i once wished, so very fervently, that i could be in a well and never come out. ignorance is bliss. i wanted to be happy. i wanted to be content. i wanted to never have to wonder if i'm "living it up." but now, having seen certain things in the past year, allow me to boldly (and perhaps, arrogantly) say that i have jumped out of the well.
and i'm not happy, now that my sky doesn't have edges enclosed by the walls of my well. but in a strange, ironic way, i'm happy about the fact that i know i'm not happy. perhaps happy is not an accurate word to describe this emotion. i should say content. i thought my "but.. why?" phase meant that i was not content with all that is given to me and that i kept a questioning mind toward everything i encountered. but now that i look back on it, it seems so naive and pointless and childish. it was only curiosity. curiosity is great, but it doesn't get you anywhere unless you start to search for answers. or unless you start to realize that answers aren't everything.
answers change.
or you can make up your own answers, as long as you look arrogant enough doing it. then they change the answer key and make your arrogant answer the right, standard one. or you can bubble in the answer you know will get you the point, but still maintain your own thoughts on the true answer for yourself.
and no one will ever have to know.
isn't that great? you can get an A+ without answering any of the questions right. as long as you bubbled in the right bubbles.
and no one will ever have to know.
5.13.2004
yay yay yay!!!
christina is coming to taiwan! :D
hrm. that's NOT a secret, is it? haha.. :P
and as you all can see, there's still much work i need to do on this blog. AND my apartment, with its never-ending mess of clothes and books..... gah.
finished the bell jar. *brings tips of fingers together and brings them toward lips and makes a kissing noise* MUAH! loved it. i especially liked the part where she went, "I am, I am, I am."
it's gettin hot (in) here.
hrm. that's NOT a secret, is it? haha.. :P
and as you all can see, there's still much work i need to do on this blog. AND my apartment, with its never-ending mess of clothes and books..... gah.
finished the bell jar. *brings tips of fingers together and brings them toward lips and makes a kissing noise* MUAH! loved it. i especially liked the part where she went, "I am, I am, I am."
it's gettin hot (in) here.
5.10.2004
5.09.2004
i registered
hooray! although very unsure of what classes i'll actually be able to get into (partly my own fault, for not registering earlier), i am finally done with scheduling and registering for berkeley. here is my schedule for those who are curious.
i'll be in berkeley from july 4 (!) to aug 13. but not sure exactly when flights will be and stuff.
currently reading plath's the bell jar. it is so incredibly good. why didn't someone tell me to read this book earlier?!
i'll be in berkeley from july 4 (!) to aug 13. but not sure exactly when flights will be and stuff.
currently reading plath's the bell jar. it is so incredibly good. why didn't someone tell me to read this book earlier?!
5.08.2004
frankly,
i'm a bit disappointed at the results. i thought i invested enough time? enough energy? was i just not passionate enough about it? i don't know.. i kind of feel like i failed at it, and this was the proof, right in front of my eyes.
then again, maybe this failure was exactly what i needed to realize my true motives behind this.. desire. one of these days my pride will get me into some big trouble. i guess it's a good thing this happened.
onto happier thoughts.. good birthday overall! except for the part where we opened the birthday cake box and saw the words "i love you mom." both my mom and i looked like this: -______-;; and then asked my dad why he bought that. and he said, "well i figured that on your birthday you should say 'i love you mom' for all the pains she went through to give birth to you." haha.
yesterday after chinese class some of us did a small-scale celebrating at this restaurant with really good smoked salmon salad. but we didn't have cake, we had french puffs instead. and we sang happy birthday in five different languages! chinese, english, japanese, cantonese, and indonesian. i'm sure we got some strange glances in the restaurant but oh well. and in fellowship on thursday i didn't get my cake!!! because it was a special meeting and i didn't get to see my whole fellowship group. grrRRRR... i shall have my cake and eat it too! >_< (who said that? i know that comes from somewhere...)
i think i will have my hair straightened in the near future. not sure how much i want to spend on it though, there's a big range...
thanks for the card, if you read this. for some strange reason, when i saw it it was as if i half-expected it, even though i had no reason to expect it at all. you didn't forget.. you never forget.
i knew that.
and if tyson sees this, happy birthday!!! :D high fives to the may 8 children. we are born on the best day of the year. :)
and happy mother's day everyone!
then again, maybe this failure was exactly what i needed to realize my true motives behind this.. desire. one of these days my pride will get me into some big trouble. i guess it's a good thing this happened.
onto happier thoughts.. good birthday overall! except for the part where we opened the birthday cake box and saw the words "i love you mom." both my mom and i looked like this: -______-;; and then asked my dad why he bought that. and he said, "well i figured that on your birthday you should say 'i love you mom' for all the pains she went through to give birth to you." haha.
yesterday after chinese class some of us did a small-scale celebrating at this restaurant with really good smoked salmon salad. but we didn't have cake, we had french puffs instead. and we sang happy birthday in five different languages! chinese, english, japanese, cantonese, and indonesian. i'm sure we got some strange glances in the restaurant but oh well. and in fellowship on thursday i didn't get my cake!!! because it was a special meeting and i didn't get to see my whole fellowship group. grrRRRR... i shall have my cake and eat it too! >_< (who said that? i know that comes from somewhere...)
i think i will have my hair straightened in the near future. not sure how much i want to spend on it though, there's a big range...
thanks for the card, if you read this. for some strange reason, when i saw it it was as if i half-expected it, even though i had no reason to expect it at all. you didn't forget.. you never forget.
i knew that.
and if tyson sees this, happy birthday!!! :D high fives to the may 8 children. we are born on the best day of the year. :)
and happy mother's day everyone!
5.05.2004
preliminary
so it looks like if i do decide to go to berkeley during the summer, it will be the session starting either june 21 or july 6. all because our school has darn finals until end of june. sucky~
5.04.2004
it's nearing mother's day,
so i thought i'd post something motherly-related. you know, i think as we grow older, our parents become nicer and nicer to us. or at least, we perceive that they become nicer parents. age is directly proportional to the degree of nice-ness we perceive our parents to be?
when we're small and our parents (esp. moms) have to nag and/or yell at us to do small things like take baths and go to bed and take medicine, we think they're horrible people don't we? and then we grow to be teenagers and in between the fights/conflicts we still know somewhere deep down that they love us. NOW i think.. well a parent's love is really unconditional. now that i live by myself and have to take care of EVERYTHING within a household, i realize how great women are. how amazingly patient and self-sacrificial and hard-working my mom is.
even though "in this day and age" housework is divided somewhat equally between the mother and father, ultimately there is this invisible responsibility on the woman's shoulders that if something in the household goes wrong, she should be the one to blame. if the dishes pile up too high in the sink, our first reaction would be, where is the mother? or if the baby's crying for his diaper to be changed, our minds would flash the IDEAL picture of a mother hurrying to the baby's aid. which is probably WHY some men consider their wives to be very naggy. kinda like marge simpson. nagging at them to take out the trash, to catch cookie crumbs with a plate, to vaccum, to mow the lawn, blah blah blah. because if they didn't nag, the average man probably wouldn't take care of it. why? because "it's not at the top of my priority list." and what THAT translates to is "i don't care" or "it's none of my business" or, most commonly found in esp. traditional households, "THE WOMAN WILL DO IT."
if you're reading this and you disagree, there are two possibilities: 1) you're lucky enough that you grew up or currently live in an above-average household, or 2) you're a guy. and if you agree, you probably hold either the attitude that 1) yes! we should definitely do something to change it! (in which case, is futile) or 2) life is unfair, deal with it. i semi belong to the latter now, which is why i'm rambling about this to mr. blog and also saying,
mom, thank you for doing everything you did so that i turned out acceptably normal.
now i just have to translate this into chinese and write it in a card........
when we're small and our parents (esp. moms) have to nag and/or yell at us to do small things like take baths and go to bed and take medicine, we think they're horrible people don't we? and then we grow to be teenagers and in between the fights/conflicts we still know somewhere deep down that they love us. NOW i think.. well a parent's love is really unconditional. now that i live by myself and have to take care of EVERYTHING within a household, i realize how great women are. how amazingly patient and self-sacrificial and hard-working my mom is.
even though "in this day and age" housework is divided somewhat equally between the mother and father, ultimately there is this invisible responsibility on the woman's shoulders that if something in the household goes wrong, she should be the one to blame. if the dishes pile up too high in the sink, our first reaction would be, where is the mother? or if the baby's crying for his diaper to be changed, our minds would flash the IDEAL picture of a mother hurrying to the baby's aid. which is probably WHY some men consider their wives to be very naggy. kinda like marge simpson. nagging at them to take out the trash, to catch cookie crumbs with a plate, to vaccum, to mow the lawn, blah blah blah. because if they didn't nag, the average man probably wouldn't take care of it. why? because "it's not at the top of my priority list." and what THAT translates to is "i don't care" or "it's none of my business" or, most commonly found in esp. traditional households, "THE WOMAN WILL DO IT."
if you're reading this and you disagree, there are two possibilities: 1) you're lucky enough that you grew up or currently live in an above-average household, or 2) you're a guy. and if you agree, you probably hold either the attitude that 1) yes! we should definitely do something to change it! (in which case, is futile) or 2) life is unfair, deal with it. i semi belong to the latter now, which is why i'm rambling about this to mr. blog and also saying,
mom, thank you for doing everything you did so that i turned out acceptably normal.
now i just have to translate this into chinese and write it in a card........
5.01.2004
am i seeing things?
*rubs eyes*
WHAT?! mr. eldrdige has a xanga???? how could he have not told me about this???? i bet he forgot all about me... :'(
seeeeee? i told you, mr. eldridge is cool. but some people just never understood his humor. hahaha i love mr. eldridge :D
WHAT?! mr. eldrdige has a xanga???? how could he have not told me about this???? i bet he forgot all about me... :'(
seeeeee? i told you, mr. eldridge is cool. but some people just never understood his humor. hahaha i love mr. eldridge :D
4.30.2004
survey
now you KNOW i'm terribly bored when i do something like this. the good part is, i'm so happy that i'm bored. to spend time on things like this, it's great! ^o^
survey stolen from jaclyn!
FIRSTS
first job: first paying job? lollicup. heh those were the days..
first screen name: shelley508, back when i still used aol
first funeral: the first one i can remember is a pastor from my old church
first pet: probably something boring and that you can't hug like goldfish or something. but for those who know me well, they know i've killed my pet rabbit before. *cackles* little sadistic me..
first piercing/tattoo: ack! the holes in my ears closed up!!!! so now i'm back to being piercing-less. and after all that pain and the money wasted!!! >_<
first credit card: i never had one. i had check cards though.
first kiss: it was in kindergarten. i forgot his name.
first one that mattered: with kafung i guess. while we were fighting for the comb.
first love: kafung.
first enemy: sharon oh. grrrr!!!!! but i guess that's all the past.
first big trip: probably the trip that took me to the U.S. hah. also that was my first time on an airplane.
first concert: now how would i remember something like that? although the first one i really really enjoyed would be coco's.
first musician you remember hearing in your house: i think it was beethoven but i'm really not sure..
LAST
last car ride: whew now this is a long time ago.. i just don't ride in AUTOMOBILES that much. scooters or MRT or bus or bicycles.. oh oh! i know! i rode in a real car during my sister's wedding. :D haha i was so pretty.. and conceited, i know. :P
last kiss: well i've been sick... so....
last library book checked out: some chinese prose book..
last movie watched: watched a lotta movies lately, some good some bad. 21 grams, in the cut, butterfly effect.. out of the theatres: ooh i watched the mona lisa smile!! and freaky friday, which was better than i thought.. some japanese horror films..
last beverage drank: same as jaclyn, i have limitations too. no more caffeine or alcohol for me!! >"< and i'm supposed to drink 6 to 8 glasses of water.. yeah right like i can do that.
last food consumed: sanbei cracker snacks. yummy.
last phone call: to a girl in my chinese group who still has my notes..
last time showered: yesterday.
last CD played: still playing - david tao, soul power live CD
last annoyance: yes jaclyn, diet restriction do suck so very much. but my last annoyance probably had something to do with parking my bike.
last soda drank: maybe coke when i went to mcdonald's last time. don't really drink much soda here.
last ice cream eaten: huh? ice cream??? did i tell you i've been sick? i eat pudding now. XD
last time scolded: my mom, yesterday at the gynecologist's, for not taking good care of my body. bleh x_X
last shirt worn: pajama t-shirt?
last website visited: my, my, jaclyn, economist dot come eh? mine would probably be someone's blog...
NOW
single or taken: i never liked to think of myself as being "taken" by somebody, as if i had no will of my own. so maybe um.. i'll say "occupied" :)
sex: female
birthday: may 8. ooh isn't THAT one coming up close.. *wink*
sign: "taurus and ox, depending what system..." yeah i'll go w/ jaclyn's on that one. and moon at capricorn, ascending scorpio.
siblings: jenny and tina. 28 and 27.
hair colour: it's supposed to be reddish brown darn it! sassoon color-secure...
eye colour: dk brown
shoe size: 6.5 and 34 i think?
height: under 160 cm, that's all i know.
RIGHT NOW, WHAT ARE YOU
wearing: black bebe and ae jeans.
drinking: water. remember that 6-8 glasses?
thinking about: secret! >_^
listening to: david tao turned down low and the humming of the fan..
wow that survey was long.
survey stolen from jaclyn!
FIRSTS
first job: first paying job? lollicup. heh those were the days..
first screen name: shelley508, back when i still used aol
first funeral: the first one i can remember is a pastor from my old church
first pet: probably something boring and that you can't hug like goldfish or something. but for those who know me well, they know i've killed my pet rabbit before. *cackles* little sadistic me..
first piercing/tattoo: ack! the holes in my ears closed up!!!! so now i'm back to being piercing-less. and after all that pain and the money wasted!!! >_<
first credit card: i never had one. i had check cards though.
first kiss: it was in kindergarten. i forgot his name.
first one that mattered: with kafung i guess. while we were fighting for the comb.
first love: kafung.
first enemy: sharon oh. grrrr!!!!! but i guess that's all the past.
first big trip: probably the trip that took me to the U.S. hah. also that was my first time on an airplane.
first concert: now how would i remember something like that? although the first one i really really enjoyed would be coco's.
first musician you remember hearing in your house: i think it was beethoven but i'm really not sure..
LAST
last car ride: whew now this is a long time ago.. i just don't ride in AUTOMOBILES that much. scooters or MRT or bus or bicycles.. oh oh! i know! i rode in a real car during my sister's wedding. :D haha i was so pretty.. and conceited, i know. :P
last kiss: well i've been sick... so....
last library book checked out: some chinese prose book..
last movie watched: watched a lotta movies lately, some good some bad. 21 grams, in the cut, butterfly effect.. out of the theatres: ooh i watched the mona lisa smile!! and freaky friday, which was better than i thought.. some japanese horror films..
last beverage drank: same as jaclyn, i have limitations too. no more caffeine or alcohol for me!! >"< and i'm supposed to drink 6 to 8 glasses of water.. yeah right like i can do that.
last food consumed: sanbei cracker snacks. yummy.
last phone call: to a girl in my chinese group who still has my notes..
last time showered: yesterday.
last CD played: still playing - david tao, soul power live CD
last annoyance: yes jaclyn, diet restriction do suck so very much. but my last annoyance probably had something to do with parking my bike.
last soda drank: maybe coke when i went to mcdonald's last time. don't really drink much soda here.
last ice cream eaten: huh? ice cream??? did i tell you i've been sick? i eat pudding now. XD
last time scolded: my mom, yesterday at the gynecologist's, for not taking good care of my body. bleh x_X
last shirt worn: pajama t-shirt?
last website visited: my, my, jaclyn, economist dot come eh? mine would probably be someone's blog...
NOW
single or taken: i never liked to think of myself as being "taken" by somebody, as if i had no will of my own. so maybe um.. i'll say "occupied" :)
sex: female
birthday: may 8. ooh isn't THAT one coming up close.. *wink*
sign: "taurus and ox, depending what system..." yeah i'll go w/ jaclyn's on that one. and moon at capricorn, ascending scorpio.
siblings: jenny and tina. 28 and 27.
hair colour: it's supposed to be reddish brown darn it! sassoon color-secure...
eye colour: dk brown
shoe size: 6.5 and 34 i think?
height: under 160 cm, that's all i know.
RIGHT NOW, WHAT ARE YOU
wearing: black bebe and ae jeans.
drinking: water. remember that 6-8 glasses?
thinking about: secret! >_^
listening to: david tao turned down low and the humming of the fan..
wow that survey was long.
4.29.2004
4.28.2004
i like girls
girls have a way of making other girls feel better in a way that guys can never do. it's funny because if i was told to list all the things that are considered problems in my life, they would probably be mostly guy-related.
conclusion is, i should talk to girls more. much much more.
conclusion is, i should talk to girls more. much much more.
:(
sick and sick again.
will someone fill me in on.. things? does everyone hate me now?
i wish i could tell you the story of my life.
will someone fill me in on.. things? does everyone hate me now?
i wish i could tell you the story of my life.
4.22.2004
things
what am i doing... i don't seem to know anymore. how do you connect the past with the present? how do you cut a worm in half and connect its two halves together again? how do you bring your past life back from the dead and have two different people live in the same body?
i put her to sleep. finally. but she was woken up. in a place where her soul has no body to dwell in. so she comes to haunt me, relentlessly, trying to seep in through the cracks and drive the other one out. i know i long to welcome her, but under the present circumstances, i know i cannot.
but she has no home. half of me is a homeless wanderer.
i woke up, and i wish it was a dream, but it wasn't.
i guess i will never know.
i guess i will always remain the selfish, ignorant person that i am.
i guess i will only know how to receive and never know how to give.
i guess i will never be a complete human being.
i guess ironically, the non-Christian is a better Christian than i will ever be.
i guess i will never know how to love.
i guess i will never know what love is.
i guess i will always be blind to compassion.
i guess i will never be able to know real warmth even when i feel it.
you never see the other side of the moon. but what's worse than that is, the people who DO see the other side sees only that. when i turn to you, you will only be able to see one side. i can't show you the other side, even though i want to. no matter how badly.
why can i never get out of this double life i'm living? i wish i was.. normal. i never thought there would be a day when i wish this wish:
i wish i can be just like everyone else.
i put her to sleep. finally. but she was woken up. in a place where her soul has no body to dwell in. so she comes to haunt me, relentlessly, trying to seep in through the cracks and drive the other one out. i know i long to welcome her, but under the present circumstances, i know i cannot.
but she has no home. half of me is a homeless wanderer.
i woke up, and i wish it was a dream, but it wasn't.
i guess i will never know.
i guess i will always remain the selfish, ignorant person that i am.
i guess i will only know how to receive and never know how to give.
i guess i will never be a complete human being.
i guess ironically, the non-Christian is a better Christian than i will ever be.
i guess i will never know how to love.
i guess i will never know what love is.
i guess i will always be blind to compassion.
i guess i will never be able to know real warmth even when i feel it.
you never see the other side of the moon. but what's worse than that is, the people who DO see the other side sees only that. when i turn to you, you will only be able to see one side. i can't show you the other side, even though i want to. no matter how badly.
why can i never get out of this double life i'm living? i wish i was.. normal. i never thought there would be a day when i wish this wish:
i wish i can be just like everyone else.
4.19.2004
4.18.2004
more incoherence
ahhh.. the weather's too beautiful for studying, but i am forcing myself to stay in the library >_<. as a result, i'm neither home nor studying, but blogging. teehee. this darn library's become my second home, how pathetic. blehhhh..
i need to change the blog template. how long has it been since i last changed it?
financial status will affect everything you do and say because it directly affects your reactions to everything you encounter. getting adjusted on a deeper level - not just the climate or language, but beliefs and points of view.
i want to write a book~~~ lalala.. i want it to be cultural and such but much much much better than joy luck club. ew. i hate joy luck club.
i also hate midterms. yucckkkkk
i need to change the blog template. how long has it been since i last changed it?
financial status will affect everything you do and say because it directly affects your reactions to everything you encounter. getting adjusted on a deeper level - not just the climate or language, but beliefs and points of view.
i want to write a book~~~ lalala.. i want it to be cultural and such but much much much better than joy luck club. ew. i hate joy luck club.
i also hate midterms. yucckkkkk
4.17.2004
it's so strange,
you know, weddings. even though people all over the world do it with different ceremonies, procedures, expectations and such, every kind of culture has a thing like The Marriage.
i don't think i've ever seen so many relatives and friends ALL TOGETHER in one place at the same time before in my life. also, being a bridesmaid sucks. i think you really have to take the term "bridesmaid" literally - i became the bride's maid for an entire day. and in the case of my sister, i wasn't only her maid, or her servant, i was her SLAVE. hah. ok it wasn't THAT bad i suppose, but i pretty much had to take care of every single one of her needs, from accessorizing to answering her phone calls (including telling rude snacks delivery people directions to the church 10 MINUTES BEFORE THEY ALREADY HAVE TO BE HERE) to looking after the rings to holding the train of her dress to fixing her hair........ x__X
but all that is definitely nothing compared to the amount of work the bride has to do. there is just an INSANE amount of details to arrange and take care of! i don't think i ever want to get married now that i've seen the whole process. people who decide to get married and have weddings must REALLY want to get married if they are willing to go through all that trouble.
the wedding is at a bad time for me though because it is smack dab in the middle of all my midterms. which is why i'm ending this long rambling and going off to sleep.
and one last but very important but terribly belated thing:
i don't think i've ever seen so many relatives and friends ALL TOGETHER in one place at the same time before in my life. also, being a bridesmaid sucks. i think you really have to take the term "bridesmaid" literally - i became the bride's maid for an entire day. and in the case of my sister, i wasn't only her maid, or her servant, i was her SLAVE. hah. ok it wasn't THAT bad i suppose, but i pretty much had to take care of every single one of her needs, from accessorizing to answering her phone calls (including telling rude snacks delivery people directions to the church 10 MINUTES BEFORE THEY ALREADY HAVE TO BE HERE) to looking after the rings to holding the train of her dress to fixing her hair........ x__X
but all that is definitely nothing compared to the amount of work the bride has to do. there is just an INSANE amount of details to arrange and take care of! i don't think i ever want to get married now that i've seen the whole process. people who decide to get married and have weddings must REALLY want to get married if they are willing to go through all that trouble.
the wedding is at a bad time for me though because it is smack dab in the middle of all my midterms. which is why i'm ending this long rambling and going off to sleep.
and one last but very important but terribly belated thing:
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ANGELA!!!!!
best wishes from the furthest corner of the hexagon.4.16.2004
yes i'm still alive
as i'm sure you, the reader, is dying to know
oh and for those who don't know yet, my sister is getting married tomorrow lalala~ :D
ureshiiiiiiiii~~
oh and for those who don't know yet, my sister is getting married tomorrow lalala~ :D
ureshiiiiiiiii~~
starved
long time no post, and yet i still give you... TEST RESULT. haha.
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid: | Low |
| Schizoid: | Low |
| Schizotypal: | Low |
| Antisocial: | Moderate |
| Borderline: | Low |
| Histrionic: | High |
| Narcissistic: | Moderate |
| Avoidant: | Low |
| Dependent: | Low |
| Obsessive-Compulsive: | Low |
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- | |
3.25.2004
| ENTP - "Inventor". Enthusiastic interest in everything and always sensitive to possibilities. Non-conformist and innovative. 3.2% of the total population. |
personality tests by similarminds.com
lala
it would be horrible if i can only become close with people who have similar backgrounds as me. but what if your value systems and general concerns are completely on different ends of the spectrum?
midterms coming up. must study hard.
you know, maybe marriage isn't such a far-away thing after all. it's kind of like death. everyone knows they're going to die someday, but to most, it hasn't become a reality. until you find out that you've got cancer. ok BAD analysis, but i hope i got my point across.
people study too hard here. it's quite annoying.
midterms coming up. must study hard.
you know, maybe marriage isn't such a far-away thing after all. it's kind of like death. everyone knows they're going to die someday, but to most, it hasn't become a reality. until you find out that you've got cancer. ok BAD analysis, but i hope i got my point across.
people study too hard here. it's quite annoying.
3.20.2004
a fidgety election
very funny, kafung. the reason you haven't been able to contact me is because i barely get access to internet now, since i'm living in the new apartment. BUT that doesn't mean you can sign into my account and post when you feel like it. you know how i much i despise it when you use my password without asking.
anyway, onto happier thoughts..
a-bian got elected!! woooohoooooo~~~ and 80% of the people went to the voting booths today. HAH! beat that america. ;)
it was almost as exciting as a football game or something, watching the numbers flipping back and forth. and since taiwan doesn't have the electoral college, popular votes are everything. what's more is that this is indeed a surprise ending. and a-bian only won by a difference of 0.228% of the votes! my entire family went to vote today, which is the first time i've seen my family so.. politically active... when they were living in the states, i don't think they even knew who was for what party. -___-;;
yay yay yay! hooray for a-bian. ^____^
anyway, onto happier thoughts..
a-bian got elected!! woooohoooooo~~~ and 80% of the people went to the voting booths today. HAH! beat that america. ;)
it was almost as exciting as a football game or something, watching the numbers flipping back and forth. and since taiwan doesn't have the electoral college, popular votes are everything. what's more is that this is indeed a surprise ending. and a-bian only won by a difference of 0.228% of the votes! my entire family went to vote today, which is the first time i've seen my family so.. politically active... when they were living in the states, i don't think they even knew who was for what party. -___-;;
yay yay yay! hooray for a-bian. ^____^
3.16.2004
more adventure
after the very encouraging success of the crimson room, i have moved on to the mystery of time and space and droom. it's kinda addicting.. at least for me -__-;;.. and NO it is not like habbo hotel as i know some of you are thinking when i utter the word "addictive!"
http://www.datacraft.co.jp/takagism/crimson_room.html
fun puzzle-ish game. i'm surprised i managed to open the door since i am HORRIBLE at solving puzzles. -__-;;
fun puzzle-ish game. i'm surprised i managed to open the door since i am HORRIBLE at solving puzzles. -__-;;
3.15.2004
i want to be a hermit.
yup.
not only that, i also think i need a vacation away from myself. i hate it when mushy-schmooshy sentimental feelies get in the way of cold hard ambition. gah.
oh and look at this funny template: haha
not only that, i also think i need a vacation away from myself. i hate it when mushy-schmooshy sentimental feelies get in the way of cold hard ambition. gah.
oh and look at this funny template: haha
3.11.2004
lucky enough
came across this while reading jaclyn's livejournal. it meant a lot, especially at this moment, when self-esteem and level of companionship is at an all-time LOW. here it is:
thanks jaclyn. it's always great being reminded of something i've always had, but was too stupid to think of.
...one of my greatest memories of high school were the cheesy valentines. Now, those of you who did not attend Tino, or weren't of the class of '03, this train of thought may seem a bit random to you. Those of you who were lucky enough to get these awesome cards from Joanne and Shelley (those talented two!) know exactly what I'm talking about. Those vals basically represented all the craziness we went through, how we dealt with it, and how great our group of friends were. I still have mine...
thanks jaclyn. it's always great being reminded of something i've always had, but was too stupid to think of.
feel so useless.
and here i was, trying to be just like everybody else.
when i was trying to be different, to be unique, i only ended up seeing myself being just like everyone else, trying to be different in the same way. and now i'm trying to be the same as everyone else, only to realize that in the end, i will always be hopelessly, regretfully, different. i don't have to be lonely because of it, but i, and only i, know that i will be apart.
it's even funnier that i'm learning a new language as my major. isn't the process of learning (and then mastering) a language in an environment which doesn't speak that language, a process of making oneself stand apart? because to put it pessimistically, you are always going to be misunderstood. but flip it over and optimistically, i suppose it's that people will never be able to understand you like they do other people.
it's hard being proud of your own unique-ness when it's the source of so many of your troubles.
and here i was, trying to be just like everybody else.
when i was trying to be different, to be unique, i only ended up seeing myself being just like everyone else, trying to be different in the same way. and now i'm trying to be the same as everyone else, only to realize that in the end, i will always be hopelessly, regretfully, different. i don't have to be lonely because of it, but i, and only i, know that i will be apart.
it's even funnier that i'm learning a new language as my major. isn't the process of learning (and then mastering) a language in an environment which doesn't speak that language, a process of making oneself stand apart? because to put it pessimistically, you are always going to be misunderstood. but flip it over and optimistically, i suppose it's that people will never be able to understand you like they do other people.
it's hard being proud of your own unique-ness when it's the source of so many of your troubles.
3.09.2004
quizzie
took this a couple days ago, but thought i'd post it here so you can compare it with chrissy's since the only difference we had was love and sex. (hey, at least i was being honest!) teehehehe.. i personally think it's only partially correct though. eh.. and i do NOT want to consider the playboy. what were they thinking! >_<
Deliberate Brutal Sex Dreamer (DBSDf)
Sly. Sensual. Guarded. Different somehow. You are The Nymph.
It appears like you're looking for a fling or a casual sexual relationship, but it's not that simple. You're a hungry but also very careful person, and this generates a certain amount of sexual tension within you and in your relationships. In other aspects of life, you get what you want. In relationships, that's not always the case.
It's possible you intimidate potential lovers. Most likely, though, you're a little closed off--therefore mysterious--and, naturally, people find that difficult to get with. Maybe it's just part of your selection process, though. You've been in enough relationships to know to expose yourself slowly.
When you do feel comfortable with someone, though, your torrid sexual appetite will make him very happy. Your cautious nature is also a big asset in a long-term relationship. It might take longer for love to establish itself, but when it does, it's all the stronger.
ALWAYS AVOID: The False Messiah
CONSIDER: The Playboy
Your exact opposite:
The Peach
Random Gentle Love Master
Deliberate Brutal Sex Dreamer (DBSDf)
Sly. Sensual. Guarded. Different somehow. You are The Nymph.
It appears like you're looking for a fling or a casual sexual relationship, but it's not that simple. You're a hungry but also very careful person, and this generates a certain amount of sexual tension within you and in your relationships. In other aspects of life, you get what you want. In relationships, that's not always the case.
It's possible you intimidate potential lovers. Most likely, though, you're a little closed off--therefore mysterious--and, naturally, people find that difficult to get with. Maybe it's just part of your selection process, though. You've been in enough relationships to know to expose yourself slowly.
When you do feel comfortable with someone, though, your torrid sexual appetite will make him very happy. Your cautious nature is also a big asset in a long-term relationship. It might take longer for love to establish itself, but when it does, it's all the stronger.
ALWAYS AVOID: The False Messiah
CONSIDER: The Playboy
Your exact opposite:
The Peach
Random Gentle Love Master
3.08.2004
hmm
time... management...
i really don't have THAT many tasks. why oh why do i never have enough time for everything i want to do!?!?
i really don't have THAT many tasks. why oh why do i never have enough time for everything i want to do!?!?
3.04.2004
lately,
i've been sorta living in the new apartment. i don't want to say i've moved in there because i really haven't. my stuff is EVERYWHERE - dorm room, taipei house (parent's, where i'm obligated to go on the weekends because it is so awfully close) and the apartment. so i currently have three toothbrushes, three contacts cases, three sets of shampoo/conditioner, and so on.. it's not very fun at all, because i have to clean everything and all the areas i use, so it really is A LOT OF CLEANING. i feel like that french cleaning hermit crab guy in Finding Nemo. -___-;;
so winter vacation i was living in my parent's house, then moved back into the dorms, two weeks later living in the apartment. i feel like this constant moving around and using all sorts of showers, towels, bedding, even different sets of clothes (!) is getting on my nerves. it gives one a sense of non-belonging. like anywhere i go, i'm not really home, and it seems like the things i need are always in another house.
i want to just settle down in ONE place but that doesn't seem to be possible. why? obviously my parents want me to stay home but that would not only be inconvenient in the transportation way but also in other ways as well. then of course i'd have to keep stuff at the dorms because sometimes i go "back" without going "home." and the apartment place is the most unnecessary one, but it'd be a waste not staying there what with the *new house ta-da* thing and also the nice own bathroom and springy bed. *HUGE sigh* i guess i'm destined to be nomadic, country-wise AND home-wise. it feels weird to be sleeping in four different beds every week.
so winter vacation i was living in my parent's house, then moved back into the dorms, two weeks later living in the apartment. i feel like this constant moving around and using all sorts of showers, towels, bedding, even different sets of clothes (!) is getting on my nerves. it gives one a sense of non-belonging. like anywhere i go, i'm not really home, and it seems like the things i need are always in another house.
i want to just settle down in ONE place but that doesn't seem to be possible. why? obviously my parents want me to stay home but that would not only be inconvenient in the transportation way but also in other ways as well. then of course i'd have to keep stuff at the dorms because sometimes i go "back" without going "home." and the apartment place is the most unnecessary one, but it'd be a waste not staying there what with the *new house ta-da* thing and also the nice own bathroom and springy bed. *HUGE sigh* i guess i'm destined to be nomadic, country-wise AND home-wise. it feels weird to be sleeping in four different beds every week.
3.01.2004
endure
woohoo~ i spent only 100 NT on food today!! that's less than three dollars! and no i didn't starve myself, in fact they were very full meals. i'm one step closer to my dior girlies... ^^;;
it's strange. sometimes the qualities you know you hate about certain people keep on coming up in everyone you surround yourself with. and then you realize that it is that quality which you hate so much that ties you to them, because it's probably one of the only things you don't have emotional control over. and the less control, the more.. genuinity? but also the more bondage. but then again, sometimes it becomes the glue that holds you together. and you find yourself loving it and hating it.
it's strange. sometimes the qualities you know you hate about certain people keep on coming up in everyone you surround yourself with. and then you realize that it is that quality which you hate so much that ties you to them, because it's probably one of the only things you don't have emotional control over. and the less control, the more.. genuinity? but also the more bondage. but then again, sometimes it becomes the glue that holds you together. and you find yourself loving it and hating it.
2.29.2004
this is a normal post.
so chrissy says i haven't been doing "normal" blogging. >"< ok here is some "normal-ness"
it's sunday night. tomorrow's monday. start of another busy week. why is it that it seems like i never have enough time for anything?! i hate being busy i hate being busy i hate busy i hate busy i hate busy!!!!
this is me ---> /"\(>_<)/"\ "stopppp!!!!!!!!!"
........................\../........\../
............................().....()
.............................`.....`
. hrm.. i look very fat in this picture.
well the good thing is that i have been getting plenty of sleep. and my face is whiter now!! hahahahahah XD. yeah yeah i know i'm conforming to the whole "white is beautiful" but..
i'm whiter! *^______^*
the apt is almost ready now. after much wiping ad sweeping and hauling and unboxing and assembling... *wipes sweat from eyebrows* taking care of a house is a lot of work!! especially if you're not quite living in it yet.. but! i will be able to move in this week i think? :D of course, i'll still be going back to my dorm room at certain times in the day, so that i don't have to travel back and forth and most importantly, i can still take naps. XD yay yay yay. but i'm so glad to be able to have certain luxuries (that never were luxuries back in high school of course) such as HAVING YOUR OWN BATHROOM!!! hehe and a REAL bed with like.. springs!! ^o^
mm.. what else has been going on? i'd really like to go to berkeley during summer, if i can, for classes. but i'm awkwardly kind of a "visiting domestic student" AND "visiting international student." is a definition of intnl. student one who doesn't have a u.s.a. passport? hrm.. @_@ and i don't really know exactly what classes i want to take.. what if i forget all my japanese! but i don't know if i want to learn japanese in english, seeing as how i'm finally almost adjusted to learning in chinese sorta. but all this is under the assumption that i can GET IN in the first place. what with my grades and all.. ack. my average is 80 pts. which is i guess a B average? blahhhh..... :*(
k i'd better get to studying.. so.. much.. studying.............. and i conclude by giving you a very very very good song. :)
梁靜茹 - 為我好
才知道 你臉上的微笑
不是幸福代表 是種不自在的禮貌
才知道 感情已經動搖
我一直被誤導 是你還不願意揭曉
太多小煩惱 怪我們不懂得拋
太多的問號 答案也都不必找
只換來疲勞 忘了要一起變老
為何要無話可說 才懂沉默比爭吵難熬
為何會在恨消失後 愛還是挽回不了
為何要在疼愛我的時候 才對我說離開我
都是為我好
it's sunday night. tomorrow's monday. start of another busy week. why is it that it seems like i never have enough time for anything?! i hate being busy i hate being busy i hate busy i hate busy i hate busy!!!!
this is me ---> /"\(>_<)/"\ "stopppp!!!!!!!!!"
........................\../........\../
............................().....()
.............................`.....`
. hrm.. i look very fat in this picture.
well the good thing is that i have been getting plenty of sleep. and my face is whiter now!! hahahahahah XD. yeah yeah i know i'm conforming to the whole "white is beautiful" but..
i'm whiter! *^______^*
the apt is almost ready now. after much wiping ad sweeping and hauling and unboxing and assembling... *wipes sweat from eyebrows* taking care of a house is a lot of work!! especially if you're not quite living in it yet.. but! i will be able to move in this week i think? :D of course, i'll still be going back to my dorm room at certain times in the day, so that i don't have to travel back and forth and most importantly, i can still take naps. XD yay yay yay. but i'm so glad to be able to have certain luxuries (that never were luxuries back in high school of course) such as HAVING YOUR OWN BATHROOM!!! hehe and a REAL bed with like.. springs!! ^o^
mm.. what else has been going on? i'd really like to go to berkeley during summer, if i can, for classes. but i'm awkwardly kind of a "visiting domestic student" AND "visiting international student." is a definition of intnl. student one who doesn't have a u.s.a. passport? hrm.. @_@ and i don't really know exactly what classes i want to take.. what if i forget all my japanese! but i don't know if i want to learn japanese in english, seeing as how i'm finally almost adjusted to learning in chinese sorta. but all this is under the assumption that i can GET IN in the first place. what with my grades and all.. ack. my average is 80 pts. which is i guess a B average? blahhhh..... :*(
k i'd better get to studying.. so.. much.. studying.............. and i conclude by giving you a very very very good song. :)
梁靜茹 - 為我好
才知道 你臉上的微笑
不是幸福代表 是種不自在的禮貌
才知道 感情已經動搖
我一直被誤導 是你還不願意揭曉
太多小煩惱 怪我們不懂得拋
太多的問號 答案也都不必找
只換來疲勞 忘了要一起變老
為何要無話可說 才懂沉默比爭吵難熬
為何會在恨消失後 愛還是挽回不了
為何要在疼愛我的時候 才對我說離開我
都是為我好
2.25.2004
don't lie to me
maybe there is no meaning in it anymore.
i think certain types of music, however repetitive they can be, might be able to help me rediscover passion. what i want isn't just strong feelings. i need.. wildness, desire, craziness, unruly, hair-messily-sticking-on-face-with-beads-of-sweat-dripping-down kind of passion. call it unorthodox. improper. whatever. things need to be heated back up again.
i think certain types of music, however repetitive they can be, might be able to help me rediscover passion. what i want isn't just strong feelings. i need.. wildness, desire, craziness, unruly, hair-messily-sticking-on-face-with-beads-of-sweat-dripping-down kind of passion. call it unorthodox. improper. whatever. things need to be heated back up again.
2.24.2004
mind
sometimes i really hate that my head is working properly. i hate my rationality. i hate being sensible. i don't want to reason out something that wasn't meant to be offered an explanation. sometimes i feel like the little passion i show is playacting. but inside, it's cold. nothing can melt it. it can only be chopped up. and maybe if the blade moves fast enough it can begin to liquefy. but even then, it will still be ice-cold.
have i ever truly felt anything? i doubt it... maybe at the moment, i can make myself believe i feel it. but then take away the background image and the costumes and all the props, and it's back to.. normal? reality? without the lighting and the music, it's as if the emotions never existed. it's scary.
and maybe that's why i want to be around you. you give me feeling. even if they are pin pricks.
have i ever truly felt anything? i doubt it... maybe at the moment, i can make myself believe i feel it. but then take away the background image and the costumes and all the props, and it's back to.. normal? reality? without the lighting and the music, it's as if the emotions never existed. it's scary.
and maybe that's why i want to be around you. you give me feeling. even if they are pin pricks.
2.23.2004
freedom or enslavement?
freedom to deteriorate
freedom to fall
freedom to be immoral
freedom to lack discipline
freedom to be frowned upon
freedom to disobey
freedom to lack virtue
freedom to self-indulge
"everything in moderation."
everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.
freedom to fall
freedom to be immoral
freedom to lack discipline
freedom to be frowned upon
freedom to disobey
freedom to lack virtue
freedom to self-indulge
"everything in moderation."
everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.
2.18.2004
the tiffany song :D
梁靜如 - Tiffany
怎麼回事 突然會
在意起自己 左手的無名指
需要裝飾 些什麼
難道要我提示 情人節不用慶祝
現在我想要 那另一種幸福
櫥窗裡那一只銀白色Tiffany的戒指
天使說戴著它就會 得到祝福
說再多要冷靜三思也不能 阻止
我只想在紅色地毯 跟他跳舞
OH∼我願意
這一句話不停的練習
午後的 那道陽光
對著我說不想繼續遊蕩
多自由 也比不上
鋪滿紅玫瑰的白色禮堂
我知道 愛的形狀
就在無名指的那個地方
閉上雙眼 只是想像
穿上禮服自己的模樣
傻傻看著那櫥窗
夢在裡面發光
怎麼回事 突然會
在意起自己 左手的無名指
需要裝飾 些什麼
難道要我提示 情人節不用慶祝
現在我想要 那另一種幸福
櫥窗裡那一只銀白色Tiffany的戒指
天使說戴著它就會 得到祝福
說再多要冷靜三思也不能 阻止
我只想在紅色地毯 跟他跳舞
OH∼我願意
這一句話不停的練習
午後的 那道陽光
對著我說不想繼續遊蕩
多自由 也比不上
鋪滿紅玫瑰的白色禮堂
我知道 愛的形狀
就在無名指的那個地方
閉上雙眼 只是想像
穿上禮服自己的模樣
傻傻看著那櫥窗
夢在裡面發光
2.17.2004
2.14.2004
classes
too lazy to post up my schedule, which is not particularly interesting anyway. but i have 27 hours of class each week! that's 25 units, which is the maximum. and still i seem to be taking only the classes i absolutely should take. and i don't even have math!!
second semester starts monday. i hope i can do better than the last one.
second semester starts monday. i hope i can do better than the last one.
2.11.2004
saw this on peter's blog. you guys thought i don't read the blogs on my list, didn'tcha! hohoho.. this is good:
I asked for Strength...
And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom...
And God gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity...
And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Courage...
And God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love...
And God gave me Troubled people to help.
I asked for Favors...
And God gave me Opportunities.
I received nothing I Wanted...
I received
everything I Needed.
I asked for Strength...
And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom...
And God gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity...
And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Courage...
And God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love...
And God gave me Troubled people to help.
I asked for Favors...
And God gave me Opportunities.
I received nothing I Wanted...
I received
everything I Needed.
round 19
why are human relationships sometimes so difficult to manage? we each bring our own baggage when we meet, and depending on the circumstances, some of us take on other people's baggages, and some of us relieve our burdens. i still have a lot to learn about people in general..
money issues have been bugging me lately as well. having spent the last nine years (and very important years) of my life in wealthy, protected, clean silicon valley, i seem to have been a bit out of touch with the "real world?" yes, monetary comparisons will always exist in life. you can keep running like a rat to try to keep up with the thompsons, or you can be constantly grateful that you have the opportunity to do certain things that are just out of reach without the access to large amounts of money. it's not just the glass half full or half empty question. it's the simple fact that no matter where you stand, there will always be people above and below you. sometimes, it's about more than just how you view your circumstances. it's also about how to handle and manipulate the situation in a way that anyone who stands to try to judge you can be silenced. theoretically, what comes out of their mouth should not affect you. but if you plan to get anywhere in a society which is built on human connections, especially business-wise, you must learn to be harmonious. if it's not an intimate relationship, it should at least be a beneficial (some would say useful or practical) one, yes? and in these cases, some outer appearances and expressions of opinion DO matter. very much.
it's quite scary, but life seems to be composed of endless rounds of a huge competition. so you just keep running.
money issues have been bugging me lately as well. having spent the last nine years (and very important years) of my life in wealthy, protected, clean silicon valley, i seem to have been a bit out of touch with the "real world?" yes, monetary comparisons will always exist in life. you can keep running like a rat to try to keep up with the thompsons, or you can be constantly grateful that you have the opportunity to do certain things that are just out of reach without the access to large amounts of money. it's not just the glass half full or half empty question. it's the simple fact that no matter where you stand, there will always be people above and below you. sometimes, it's about more than just how you view your circumstances. it's also about how to handle and manipulate the situation in a way that anyone who stands to try to judge you can be silenced. theoretically, what comes out of their mouth should not affect you. but if you plan to get anywhere in a society which is built on human connections, especially business-wise, you must learn to be harmonious. if it's not an intimate relationship, it should at least be a beneficial (some would say useful or practical) one, yes? and in these cases, some outer appearances and expressions of opinion DO matter. very much.
it's quite scary, but life seems to be composed of endless rounds of a huge competition. so you just keep running.
2.03.2004
safely
alas, i have safely arrived in taiwan. slept well on the airport. it's raining in taipei right now...
2.01.2004
byebye
leaving in.. four hours.
i love cupertino. thank you guys for letting me stay with you and driving me everywhere! it was nice seeing you all again.. seeing you guys makes me feel at home. :)
more thoughts on visit later. goodbye tino until summer!
i love cupertino. thank you guys for letting me stay with you and driving me everywhere! it was nice seeing you all again.. seeing you guys makes me feel at home. :)
more thoughts on visit later. goodbye tino until summer!
1.29.2004
thought
"It seems to be absolutely true, that our world, which appears to us the surface of all things, is really the bottom of a deep ocean: all our trees are submarine growths, and we are weird, scaly-clad submarine fauna, feeding ourselves on offal like shrimps. Only occasionally the soul rises gasping through the fathomless fathoms under which we live, far up to the surface of the ether, where there is true air. I am convinced that the air we normally breathe is a kind of water, and men and women are a species of fish.
"But sometimes the soul does come up, shoots like a kittiwake into the light, with ecstasy, after having preyed on the submarine depths. It is our moral destiny, I suppose, to prey upon the ghastly subaqueous life of our fellow men, in the submarine jungle of mankind. But our immortal destiny is to escape, once we have swallowed our swimmy cathch, up again into the bright ether, bursting out from the surface of Old Ocean into right light. Then one realises one's eternal nature."
taken from Lady Chatterley's Lover, D.H. Lawrence.
"But sometimes the soul does come up, shoots like a kittiwake into the light, with ecstasy, after having preyed on the submarine depths. It is our moral destiny, I suppose, to prey upon the ghastly subaqueous life of our fellow men, in the submarine jungle of mankind. But our immortal destiny is to escape, once we have swallowed our swimmy cathch, up again into the bright ether, bursting out from the surface of Old Ocean into right light. Then one realises one's eternal nature."
taken from Lady Chatterley's Lover, D.H. Lawrence.
1.28.2004
survey quizzie thing *RARE*
hah. saw while surfing xangas (darn xanga! switch to blogger!!). apparently you're supposed to copy paste this into your own and bold the things that apply to you.
1. I can not draw.
2. I have strange eating habits.
3. I am currently obsessed with maroon 5
4. I love xanga
5. I just ate a sandwich
6. I am from a house
7. I was born in October.
8. I enjoy reading.
9. I am not on anti-depressents, yet.
10. I bite my nails like a lil bitch
11. I am in love with Johnny Knoxville.
12. I like English class.
13. I've lost/fucked up my cell phone twice.
14. I hope someday I'll find happiness.[dont get enuff of it]
15. I'm about 5'6"
16. I like sports.[some]
17. I am quick witted.
18. I often stare into nothing.
19. I like board games
20. I appreciate gratitude
21. I can usually sleep even when I'm not tired.
22. I am too lazy.
23. I hate the smell of movie popcorn.
24. I constantly procrastinate.
25. I have never done hardcore drugs before.
26. I drink alcohol.
27. I wish I had better grades.
28. I love chocolate.[at times]
29. Stupid people amuse me.[other times they piss me off]
30. I hate when people judge others without knowing them.
31. I love hot chocolate
32. I like *some* kids
33. I hate cabbage.
34. I dress casually.
35. I am judgmental.
36. I don't have a favorite television show.
37. I'm not a senior in high school.
38. I am single.
39. I go to ECR.
40. I like Garlic Bread. [sometimes]
41. I am an optimist.
42. I love winter.[sometimes]
43. I haven't seen Marilyn Manson in concert.
44. I can be harsh.[i think...]
45. It annoys me when people disrespect nature.
46. I am a hypocrite.[somtimes]
47. I wish i could vote in the 2004 presidential election.
48. I am trustworthy.
49. I wish I could play guitar or sing.
50. I want to get my hair cut.
51. The silence after a long discussion when you're trying to think of what to say next is terrible.
52. I burn my own cd's.[sometimes]
53. I am not passive.
54. The best thing about a guy is his personality.
55. I often put others before myself.
56. I hate it when I don't understand what the lyrics of a song mean.
57. My mother is a fucking bitch. [ that's mean]
58. I am currently smoke-free.
59. I'm half korean and half white.
60. Stupid people really confuse me.
61. I like showers.
62. I love surprises.
63. I'm not fond of confrontation.
64. Sometimes I laugh about absolutely nothing.
65. The known makes me uneasy.
66. I am perfectly comfortable with knowing that I will eventually die.
67. I hate cold showers.
68. I speak just to fill silence.[sometimes]
69. I am afraid of not having control over my future.
70. I wish I could visit New York.
71. I like to keep life exciting.
72. I have ran into a tree.
73. I have walked into windows.
74. I like looking at and taking pictures
75. I don't know how to play pool.
76. My favorite sport to watch is basketball.
77. I learn song lyrics quickly.
78. I like candles.
79. I like school sometimes.
80. I am annoyed by phony people.
81. I have studied one language besides English in my life.
82. I don't have a favorite color.[i got more than one]
83. I am avoiding homework, thats why I am doing this.
84. I usually hold doors.
85. I have 1 sister. [do step sisters count?]
86. I don't like when people brag.
87. I had a bad camping experience.
88. I really want to find love.
89. I like people with a really good sense of humor.
90. I like taking my time, yet I'm impatient with others.
91. I was just on the phone.
92. I like color coordinating my clothes.
93. My hair is brown.
94. I have never dyed my hair.
95. I reminisce to myself a lot.
96. I am fond of Dave Matthews Band.
97. I don't know who Saul Williams is.
98. I am not a needy person.
99. My bedroom is always messy.
100. I don't like some fancy jewelry.
1. I can not draw.
2. I have strange eating habits.
3. I am currently obsessed with maroon 5
4. I love xanga
5. I just ate a sandwich
6. I am from a house
7. I was born in October.
8. I enjoy reading.
9. I am not on anti-depressents, yet.
10. I bite my nails like a lil bitch
11. I am in love with Johnny Knoxville.
12. I like English class.
13. I've lost/fucked up my cell phone twice.
14. I hope someday I'll find happiness.[dont get enuff of it]
15. I'm about 5'6"
16. I like sports.[some]
17. I am quick witted.
18. I often stare into nothing.
19. I like board games
20. I appreciate gratitude
21. I can usually sleep even when I'm not tired.
22. I am too lazy.
23. I hate the smell of movie popcorn.
24. I constantly procrastinate.
25. I have never done hardcore drugs before.
26. I drink alcohol.
27. I wish I had better grades.
28. I love chocolate.[at times]
29. Stupid people amuse me.[other times they piss me off]
30. I hate when people judge others without knowing them.
31. I love hot chocolate
32. I like *some* kids
33. I hate cabbage.
34. I dress casually.
35. I am judgmental.
36. I don't have a favorite television show.
37. I'm not a senior in high school.
38. I am single.
39. I go to ECR.
40. I like Garlic Bread. [sometimes]
41. I am an optimist.
42. I love winter.[sometimes]
43. I haven't seen Marilyn Manson in concert.
44. I can be harsh.[i think...]
45. It annoys me when people disrespect nature.
46. I am a hypocrite.[somtimes]
47. I wish i could vote in the 2004 presidential election.
48. I am trustworthy.
49. I wish I could play guitar or sing.
50. I want to get my hair cut.
51. The silence after a long discussion when you're trying to think of what to say next is terrible.
52. I burn my own cd's.[sometimes]
53. I am not passive.
54. The best thing about a guy is his personality.
55. I often put others before myself.
56. I hate it when I don't understand what the lyrics of a song mean.
57. My mother is a fucking bitch. [ that's mean]
58. I am currently smoke-free.
59. I'm half korean and half white.
60. Stupid people really confuse me.
61. I like showers.
62. I love surprises.
63. I'm not fond of confrontation.
64. Sometimes I laugh about absolutely nothing.
65. The known makes me uneasy.
66. I am perfectly comfortable with knowing that I will eventually die.
67. I hate cold showers.
68. I speak just to fill silence.[sometimes]
69. I am afraid of not having control over my future.
70. I wish I could visit New York.
71. I like to keep life exciting.
72. I have ran into a tree.
73. I have walked into windows.
74. I like looking at and taking pictures
75. I don't know how to play pool.
76. My favorite sport to watch is basketball.
77. I learn song lyrics quickly.
78. I like candles.
79. I like school sometimes.
80. I am annoyed by phony people.
81. I have studied one language besides English in my life.
82. I don't have a favorite color.[i got more than one]
83. I am avoiding homework, thats why I am doing this.
84. I usually hold doors.
85. I have 1 sister. [do step sisters count?]
86. I don't like when people brag.
87. I had a bad camping experience.
88. I really want to find love.
89. I like people with a really good sense of humor.
90. I like taking my time, yet I'm impatient with others.
91. I was just on the phone.
92. I like color coordinating my clothes.
93. My hair is brown.
94. I have never dyed my hair.
95. I reminisce to myself a lot.
96. I am fond of Dave Matthews Band.
97. I don't know who Saul Williams is.
98. I am not a needy person.
99. My bedroom is always messy.
100. I don't like some fancy jewelry.
1.27.2004
wow
oh my gosh.. i think this is what we will be performing around mid-march.. it's where the entire japanese major puts on a whole bunch of performances (every major in NTU does this freshman year).
can you say FOB?
alright so i admit it.. i do think it's kind of cute. ^^;;
can you say FOB?
alright so i admit it.. i do think it's kind of cute. ^^;;
1.25.2004
bullet points
today was fun. went to san francisco and guess what? ate CRABS!!!! *^____^* i don't know why eating crabs make me so happy. i don't have to repeat what we did because you can now read it on xtina's blog. but some highlights:
- "candid" pictures
- every asian guy has a black jacket
- shoulder types
- 3 for $25.. meaning if i get two, i get one free?!
- "let's count the piers!"
- the crab's claw helping itself get eaten (by me)
- what did you get at jcrew? "what you got at VS" um... i don't think so...
- thousand-year-old eggs
- right ear migi no mimi
- finding another size that has become too small..
- comparing femurs, later on finding mine was shorter by two inches
- trotting to catch up every few seconds
- to alex: "spread"
- my habit of taking care of everyone's gifts by buying a whole box of individually wrapped items
- the chinese apron/undergarment fashion show
- "can i have a cup of water?"
- "we'd probably go faster if someone just picked you up and carried you"
- furutsuzeri... oh fruit jelly!!
- i don't think the fish like oatmeal...
there was much more but i should go to sleep now.. in christina's nice big warm comfortable soft bed BECAUSE SHE IS TOO STUBBORN TO LET ME SLEEP ON THE COUCH FOR A CHANGE! heheheheheh... "cramped beds.."
on an ending note for me to ponder upon.. do we determine our environments or do our environments determine us?
- "candid" pictures
- every asian guy has a black jacket
- shoulder types
- 3 for $25.. meaning if i get two, i get one free?!
- "let's count the piers!"
- the crab's claw helping itself get eaten (by me)
- what did you get at jcrew? "what you got at VS" um... i don't think so...
- thousand-year-old eggs
- right ear migi no mimi
- finding another size that has become too small..
- comparing femurs, later on finding mine was shorter by two inches
- trotting to catch up every few seconds
- to alex: "spread"
- my habit of taking care of everyone's gifts by buying a whole box of individually wrapped items
- the chinese apron/undergarment fashion show
- "can i have a cup of water?"
- "we'd probably go faster if someone just picked you up and carried you"
- furutsuzeri... oh fruit jelly!!
- i don't think the fish like oatmeal...
there was much more but i should go to sleep now.. in christina's nice big warm comfortable soft bed BECAUSE SHE IS TOO STUBBORN TO LET ME SLEEP ON THE COUCH FOR A CHANGE! heheheheheh... "cramped beds.."
on an ending note for me to ponder upon.. do we determine our environments or do our environments determine us?
1.23.2004
alternate
so far i would have to say that this break was nice and very badly-needed.. and it's been interesting seeing what COULD have been. so i guess it wasn't one of those robert-frost-two-roads-diverged-in-a-yellow-wood kind of choices. it was another road which stemmed from the "main road." and now i'm looking at the main road, not from where i left off but at the exact place i would be if i had walked it all along. just for fun, i've been imagining another "shelley" living here, living a berkeley life. imagining the friends i'd make, the classes i'd have trouble in or have fun with, where my hangouts might have been... and it becomes not a matter of regret or no regrets, but just seeing the consequences of your decision playing like a movie in front of you.. see, we don't really get that chance much, to see what would have happend if you made another choice? so i guess i'm lucky. i get to see my non-existent alternate life.
1.18.2004
1.12.2004
notes
tentative schedule~
17 (sat)---arrive in s.f. (2:30 pm)
17-20------tino, then to berkeley?
20 (tue)---arrive in davis
30 (fri)-----back to berkeley/tino (charlton: 1/30night - 2/2)
2/1 (sun)--off to airport, night
AM Departures
41 Passenger Bus
7:30 a.m. leave UCD
9:00 a.m. arrive UCB*
11:30 a.m. leave UCB
1:00 p.m. arrive UCD
PM Departures
41 Passenger Bus
2:15 p.m. leave UCD
3:45 p.m. arrive UCB*
6:30 p.m. leave UCB
8:00 p.m. arrive UCD*
17 (sat)---arrive in s.f. (2:30 pm)
17-20------tino, then to berkeley?
20 (tue)---arrive in davis
30 (fri)-----back to berkeley/tino (charlton: 1/30night - 2/2)
2/1 (sun)--off to airport, night
AM Departures
41 Passenger Bus
7:30 a.m. leave UCD
9:00 a.m. arrive UCB*
11:30 a.m. leave UCB
1:00 p.m. arrive UCD
PM Departures
41 Passenger Bus
2:15 p.m. leave UCD
3:45 p.m. arrive UCB*
6:30 p.m. leave UCB
8:00 p.m. arrive UCD*
1.11.2004
ARGHS
j aoiwjfoaidjofaiejofaejofaejoaiwejfoaejoaiwej oi
>"< i can't connect to aim anymore!! the school's having connection problems and dorm net isn't working half the time and they've come up with some temporary solutions for connecting to out-of-the-country websites and msn and yahoo messenger but NO ONE USES AIM so i am left with.. no connection. GAHHHHH!!!!
*edit* problem solved. yay. :D
>"< i can't connect to aim anymore!! the school's having connection problems and dorm net isn't working half the time and they've come up with some temporary solutions for connecting to out-of-the-country websites and msn and yahoo messenger but NO ONE USES AIM so i am left with.. no connection. GAHHHHH!!!!
*edit* problem solved. yay. :D
for you
過完冬季
收到你的信 帶來最近你的消息
忙碌生活裡 唯一的驚喜 像一顆興奮劑
南方陽光滿地 台北走進飄雨冬季
你說別忘記 早晚加件衣
常常在夜裡 我把回憶反覆溫習
像認真的孩子 寫完日記才能夠 安心的到夢裡
每個心中秘密 都在夢裡一一甦醒
燃燒身邊寒冷的空氣 溫暖到天明
過完這個冬季 你是否一如往昔
恨不得睜開眼就能聞到夏日氣息
過完這個冬季 愛你的心更加確定
寫信告訴你 台北也好天氣
收到你的信 帶來最近你的消息
忙碌生活裡 唯一的驚喜 像一顆興奮劑
南方陽光滿地 台北走進飄雨冬季
你說別忘記 早晚加件衣
常常在夜裡 我把回憶反覆溫習
像認真的孩子 寫完日記才能夠 安心的到夢裡
每個心中秘密 都在夢裡一一甦醒
燃燒身邊寒冷的空氣 溫暖到天明
過完這個冬季 你是否一如往昔
恨不得睜開眼就能聞到夏日氣息
過完這個冬季 愛你的心更加確定
寫信告訴你 台北也好天氣
1.08.2004
one more week.. i wonder what my old house looks like now.
孫燕姿 - 這一刻
這一刻 回頭看見自己
這一路的風景 百感交集的我
下一刻 又將飛向那裡
漸漸疲憊的羽翼 為你披上了勇氣
放心離開我 我會記得這一刻
那些還飛翔著 不可思議的夢
雨後的天空 會有絢爛的彩虹
像最初相信著 我們終會找到 自由
這一刻 時間變成行李
越過生命悲喜 陪伴著我前進
因為你 讓我看清自己
面對未知的恐懼 腳步更加堅定
放心離開我 我會記得這一刻
那些還飛翔著 不可思議的夢
雨後的天空 會有絢爛的彩虹
像最初相信著 我會找到 自由
喔 只是遠行 不是逃避
告別是為延續回憶永恆的華麗
你 要照顧自己 不要忘記
那些燦爛過的痕跡
i'm as worried as you are.
孫燕姿 - 這一刻
這一刻 回頭看見自己
這一路的風景 百感交集的我
下一刻 又將飛向那裡
漸漸疲憊的羽翼 為你披上了勇氣
放心離開我 我會記得這一刻
那些還飛翔著 不可思議的夢
雨後的天空 會有絢爛的彩虹
像最初相信著 我們終會找到 自由
這一刻 時間變成行李
越過生命悲喜 陪伴著我前進
因為你 讓我看清自己
面對未知的恐懼 腳步更加堅定
放心離開我 我會記得這一刻
那些還飛翔著 不可思議的夢
雨後的天空 會有絢爛的彩虹
像最初相信著 我會找到 自由
喔 只是遠行 不是逃避
告別是為延續回憶永恆的華麗
你 要照顧自己 不要忘記
那些燦爛過的痕跡
i'm as worried as you are.
1.02.2004
confused
considering the fact that all my finals are a whole week earlier than i had expected them to be, and that my first two finals are two days away, i really should be speaking/writing/hearing japanese right now instead of english (or chinese for that matter).
but anyway, i feel like blogging.
as the date of my going back to the states creeps closer and closer, i find my urge to go back becoming stronger and stronger. not that i don't like it here, but there are certain things that i just don't think i can ever get used to. it's a necessary part of life to often times forget about the past, simply because your mind needs to be occupied by the present and the future. but at the rare times when the past comes back, maybe not to haunt you but to.. nudge its nose at you, you start to pay attention to it. and then you sort of re-discover its existence and the impact it STILL has in your life. going back home, i think this happens with every college freshman.. the total and sudden change in environment. you find yourself surrounded by things you used to know, and somehow it's all familiar and strange at the same time. you miss it, but you know you can't forever bask in its glorious past-ness.
i'm not sure if i'm making sense because my english is really becoming horrible as the days go by. the frustrating thing is that i'm not sure if i'll make more or less sense if i said it all in chinese. but at least it would be better than if i had to do it five months ago.
whenever i visit alex's blog i'm welcomed by pictures. pictures of the past. sometimes i see myself. and it's weird because even though i still look the same, i come face to face with a person that i USED to be. i'm not just MORE [insert adj. here], i'm just NOT [insert same adj. here]. i don't know if my american-ness will ever come back to me, maybe if i live in america again i'll become american again? or maybe it's never left me, but just hibernating in some part of me. all i know is, they can't co-exist. or at least, not co-displayed. my gosh all that bio gene expression thing just all of a sudden came back to me. >"< ew go away go away away away!
sometimes i wish i could just be one thing. and not shifting from one thing to another, back and forth. i don't think i'm a mammal, i think i'm an amphibian, because i'm too easily affected by my environment. it's a good thing because i can adjust. but it's a bad thing because i'd like to know what i'd be like sans-environment. of course, there is ALWAYS some sort of an environment, so that is impossible. then again, are we defined by our lifestyles? this is a problem that just keeps on re-surfacing in my mind. can you really just live an entire life not minding what you are but just simply knowing how you're living it? like a crayon that doesn't know what color it is itself, but all that matters is what's being drawn with it?
i am confused. crayon would like to know its color.
but anyway, i feel like blogging.
as the date of my going back to the states creeps closer and closer, i find my urge to go back becoming stronger and stronger. not that i don't like it here, but there are certain things that i just don't think i can ever get used to. it's a necessary part of life to often times forget about the past, simply because your mind needs to be occupied by the present and the future. but at the rare times when the past comes back, maybe not to haunt you but to.. nudge its nose at you, you start to pay attention to it. and then you sort of re-discover its existence and the impact it STILL has in your life. going back home, i think this happens with every college freshman.. the total and sudden change in environment. you find yourself surrounded by things you used to know, and somehow it's all familiar and strange at the same time. you miss it, but you know you can't forever bask in its glorious past-ness.
i'm not sure if i'm making sense because my english is really becoming horrible as the days go by. the frustrating thing is that i'm not sure if i'll make more or less sense if i said it all in chinese. but at least it would be better than if i had to do it five months ago.
whenever i visit alex's blog i'm welcomed by pictures. pictures of the past. sometimes i see myself. and it's weird because even though i still look the same, i come face to face with a person that i USED to be. i'm not just MORE [insert adj. here], i'm just NOT [insert same adj. here]. i don't know if my american-ness will ever come back to me, maybe if i live in america again i'll become american again? or maybe it's never left me, but just hibernating in some part of me. all i know is, they can't co-exist. or at least, not co-displayed. my gosh all that bio gene expression thing just all of a sudden came back to me. >"< ew go away go away away away!
sometimes i wish i could just be one thing. and not shifting from one thing to another, back and forth. i don't think i'm a mammal, i think i'm an amphibian, because i'm too easily affected by my environment. it's a good thing because i can adjust. but it's a bad thing because i'd like to know what i'd be like sans-environment. of course, there is ALWAYS some sort of an environment, so that is impossible. then again, are we defined by our lifestyles? this is a problem that just keeps on re-surfacing in my mind. can you really just live an entire life not minding what you are but just simply knowing how you're living it? like a crayon that doesn't know what color it is itself, but all that matters is what's being drawn with it?
i am confused. crayon would like to know its color.
1.01.2004
2004
Happy New Years everybody!!
i'm going to break my tradition of not making new year's resolutions:
have compassion
i'm going to break my tradition of not making new year's resolutions:
have compassion